extremely guilt ridden...

i don't know where to start,I am 26 , I am new to this forum and i have to say i am extremely guilt ridden over stuff that happened when i was young. growing up i lived a very sheltered life and when it came to the point where i was goin through the changes i started acting out. I remember being somewhere around the age of 12-14 not quite sure cause i guess my mind just blocked it out over the years, but i remember meeting agirl at school and doing the i'll show you mine if you show me yours and from what i can remember i was not always the one who started it ,and some of those times were like we would touch each other and from then on other stuff happened but it was only once each time. I had a childhood friend who when we got to the early teenage years we would show each other and since we had discovered the end result of masturbation we would make a game to see who could get there faster, dumb i know...the other incidents that happened were where i was always curious to see what girls had that was different than what i had, i would try to peek at others even family members , and one time i looked at a younger kids genitals, but I remember it bein a sort of why is his so different from mine, he was 5 years younger than me so by this time my genitals were changing in size and being a sheltered kid growing up i never new about all that stuff and how these changes happen so I guess i was confused on why i was so different..

now the big one i remember being late 14 and i remember still being confused about stuff and this kid that had came over ,and at the time he was young and i remember taking a peek at what he had and still bein confused on why i was so different and kinda examining it and then it turned into me feeling kinda turned on because i was examining myself and just my touch i guess made me feel good but then i quickly stopped and felt immediate disgust with myself , all of these last incidents were one time incidents and from then on i completely just stopped all of the curiousness because i started talking to girls and having a somewhat normal teen life.

Now to the present me being 26 i completely forgot about these things and got to a point in my life where i was starting to realize that i needed change and started working out , working on trying to get my grandfather's old business moving along, and all of a sudden im slammed one day while i was in the best mood ever. I worked out , shower , went to sleep and all of a sudden Im having dreams of what happened when i was young, for the last week i have been extremely guilt ridden over the things I did when i was younger, As an adult i feel those things are extremely appalling and i feel like i was some sort of horrible person, whats even worse is up until now nothing has been said and im worried that my awful behavior could have an effect on someone when they didn't deserve to be exposed to those things. From where i stand now and my views as an adult i feel as if older people doing things to younger people is one of the most heinous things someone can do and im just really torn up about it. worst part is that i have a brother and sister who are close to me and we are closer to each other than to any of our family and i feel like if i admit this or it comes out im terrified of losing them because they feel the same way i do about these situations and i know it would be a terrible burden on our family...

If anyone can please help me to figure this out i would appreciate someone to talk to....

It sounds u were just experimenting you not doing things to kids now. I know it feels awful. I humped my little sister. You were just a kid that was experimenting. It will be ok. Try not to beat yourself up.

-- Thu Aug 22, 2013 10:16 pm --

It sounds u were just experimenting you not doing things to kids now. I know it feels awful. I humped my little sister. You were just a kid that was experimenting. It will be ok. Try not to beat yourself up.