Am I just making excuses? + a message to everyone here

I know you're just a random bozo, and I apologize for dumping my insecurities on a random bozo. I don't have therapy available yet, so right now this forum is my only outlet for these neuroses about myself.

No, I think my reasoning is more like "pedophilic people genuinely want to have sexual conduct with children, and despite having these thoughts and ideas in my brain, I don't". These thoughts and ideas are, for me, kinda like a straight person having gay thoughts, or something like that. Just obsessive-compulsive thoughts that I, unfortunately, have in my brain. Or an average person having recurrent thoughts of eating garbage, or rubbing $#%^ on their face, or something like that. They might stare at garbage and have thoughts of eating it, but at the end of the day they really don't want to do it and are distressed that they even have these garbage-eating thoughts in their head. Kinda the same for me; I might have these thoughts, but at the foundation, I consider my feelings for children to be decidedly non-sexual and ideas of conducting myself sexually around children to be excess, OCD stuff floating in the brain. They're not something I want to fulfil in reality, ever, and I'd rather break my own fingers and cut my own cock off than inappropriately touch a child. I don't consider children to be sexual objects or beings, and I consider the feeling that ideas of being sexual with children generate to be anxiety and therefore, the ideas to be OCD brain vomit. I realize that they're part of my brain, but they're not necessarily the part that matters.

I do apologize for spamming you with all this stuff over and over again. It's just that I don't usually get to put my thoughts into words, and, well. Insecure person --> constant reassurance-seeking. These unconventional thoughts and my own view on my own feelings make it difficult to construct an identity for myself in a way that won't make me feel like a total fake.

OCD-thinking is separate to regular insecurity, though. It can't be reassured. It's really frustrating.

Ugh, yeah. It's frustrating as all hell, but I guess I just gotta accept that too.

I guess it's difficult to get into my thick skull that just because I have this stuff in my brain, it doesn't mean I'm a pedophile. I've already found another answer to that problem, but I keep doubting it.