Sexual acts with little brother....

This is something I don't think I will ever forgive myself for. I am a male in my twenties now and there isn't a day where I don't think about and regret what I did. When we were young we spent a lot of time alone in the house and me being a 12-13yo I didn't exactly have the purest thoughts. He was a lot younger he was around 6 or 7. anyways,I started showing him my erections and eventually we experimented and performed sexual acts such as oral sex. This happened several times until finally I came to my senses and realized I was doing something terrible. I have regretted it ever since and fear what I may have caused him in the long run. Today we get along fine like normal brothers and I love him and support him but its just hard to deal with and I don't know what to do anymore.

It also may be cowardly but I do not want to talk to either my parents, him or a therapist about this. At least not anytime soon. I couldn't bear to look myself in the mirror if I did.

It's good that you realize that what you did was wrong.

Do you think it's negatively affected him in any ways? Has he become more reserved, confused about his sexuality, insecure, promiscuous including sleeping with men, etc.?

No he's only 13 but as far as I can tell he's a totally normal teenager. He is a very confident and cocky guy good at sports, lots of friends and I'm pretty sure he likes girls. Would it take longer to affect him?

Blake1234 wrote:No he's only 13 but as far as I can tell he's a totally normal teenager. He is a very confident and cocky guy good at sports, lots of friends and I'm pretty sure he likes girls. Would it take longer to affect him?

The cocky attitude could be a front, but I wouldn't read too much into his behavior.

The first thing you should keep in mind is that this kind of behaviour is very common, but most people just don't talk about it. Does it make it okay/acceptable? No, but it means you're not a freak. Puberty is a very tough and confusing phase, it's not easy to control your sexual urges when you're that young.

Were you coercive or used any kind of force/threat towards your brother when the acts occured? I think that plays a big role in whether he'll be negativelly affected or not. By the way you described, he seems fine.

I think you should just keep on being a good brother, this way he'll will know you're a good person who loves him.

I was unaware it was common. Although that does make me feel better, I totally agree its not ok at all and hard to forgive myself. No I never forced him or was violent in any way. I just hope I didn't influence his sexual orientation.

Puberty is hard, and even though it happened, you can move on. It wasn't forced, and I think that would have affected him more than anything. It will be very difficult, but you have to learn to forgive yourself for this. We all make mistakes, but that doesn't mean it's who we are. Just keep being a loving brother to him, and he'll know who you really are.

Best of luck to you.

Thanks a lot. I guess in order to move on I have to take the first step.

I would disagree its common but you were under 18 and realize it was wrong. Try not to be to hard on yourself.

Hi,

Having worked in social services, I would agree that this is much more common than people realise. Obviously it's not a subject which people often discuss

I think that in coming here and speaking openly about what happened, you have actually been really brave. The worst thing that you can do is to try to repress your thoughts and feelings as they will start to become corrosive. I completely understand why you don't feel ready to speak to a therapist but the one thing I would say is that they genuinely do hear about these types of situations regularly and would never judge you. We are our actions, not our thoughts and you took steps yourself to correct behaviour that wasn't healthy. You don't have to cope with this alone.

I know that you will be worried about the long term effects on your brother but at the same time, I can imagine that you might also worry about what would happen if people were to find out about what happened in the past. I imagine that you also wonder whether it would be more damaging to talk to your brother about what happened or not. I don't necessarily have any answers but I do know that even talking these kind of issues through, whether on here, or somewhere else, will get them out of your head and stop them eating at you.

This has happened in my family - my uncle was older than my mum and was in a similar situation to you. I can honestly say that no-one harbours any ill feeling towards him, he is still the same person he always was before we knew. Lots of people do things they really regret when they are younger and their hormones are out of control, especially if they don't have their boundaries in the right places.

Just remember to keep talking and not to bottle things up.

Take care