How I manipulated a mental health professional and feel bad

During the span of Feburary 2007-Feburary 2008 I had a f---d up mentality that's best saved for my IRL journal until maybe one day I can find a way to conventionally explain it.

Let's just say it was sorta like a social/behavioral experiment to draw out the replies,behaviors and outcomes that ppl did that *I wanted* to happen,me acting with the unquestioning inflexibility that Javert in "Les Miserables" acts with and sorta like how in the movie * "Chapter 27" Mark David Chapman uncannily follows the stuff done in a "Catcher in the rye" outta fantacism.

During that time we assumed I had ADHD and went to see a psych doctor about that.The guy himself had ADHD and it showed.However I didn't want to be diagnosed by him b/c it would've made me feel like a bigger freak than I already was b/c of the IEP ("independent education plan" status) that would likely happen and b/c he was sorta unnerving esp.with how unhesistent I think he was in suggestion medications (which I strongly don't favor ).So to get outta there by acting a certain way and it was sorta like how they say that when ppl use to have all those dogs for those big fox hunts foxes would apparently do tricks like swim thru rivers to make the dogs loose their scents.Eventually I made him say "did you find this helpful?",told him no with an angry expression and I left.

Oh but like ~3 yrs later I was officially diagnosed with Aspergers .I sorta subtly hinted at how manipulative I can be when during an interview before a neuro-psych evaluation I wryly said "For example I can only imagine what your writing about me ".TRUST ME though.No stupid manipulation there.I can conceptually do that do such things again (I suppose ) but I wont do it b/c such ppl are giving me a chance at some rarely-goes-around help and I wont blow it away .

*Actually when I saw that movie it was disturbed by how it reminded me of my behavior for like 2/3 of grade 11.It was only after watching that movie that "Catcher" really creeped the s--- outta me .

I truly feel sorry for manipulating that ADHD doctor esp.since he had it himself.Doing such things really sorta screws with my mind later on I've noticed .Life is already full of enough lies anyways .Wanted to get this off my chest.

Everybody manipulates everybody else. That's the basic foundation of all human civilization. We all
play games with each other and that's not a problem as long as our games are compatible. There's
nothing wrong with playing therapist if the other person is playing patient. There are certain games
that have rules restricting them to consenting adults like having sexual relationships but nobody
has any obligation to play patient if they don't want therapy. You have every legal right to refuse
any medications you don't wish to take. The only person you are logically obligated to please in therapy is yourself. If you are in a situation where therapy is a mandatory condition in order to
avoid legal sanctions for behavior the therapy is supposed to be helping you change, but you're
not actually interested in changing your behavior it's perfectly understandable why you'd just
play the game to avoid the legal sanctions. If you don't see anything wrong with your behavior
it's being illegal merely means other people do and have the power to impose sanctions on you
for it. Chapman shot somebody and he's in prison for it. You might find prison very boring and
if you shoot anybody here in Texas you might have short life in prison so I don't recommend it.