Kind of Embarrassing but I Need To Get This Out *trigger???*

*could be trigger warning but not sure why it would be but it could be*














When I was younger, I would lay tummy-down on the floor and press my crotch into it, holding a pillow into my chest tightly. I would move back and forth so that my nether-regions were stimulated by the pressure. I didn't know that what I was doing was masturbating. I don't remember when this started. I do remember having severe urges to do it. My parents thought it was 'cute'. . . I carry around so much guilt over it, and embarrassment that I did it all the time around the house, watching tv. I know that I was just a kid and I didn't know any better, and my parents called it 'cute' and thus there was positive feed back so I was encouraged to continue doing it. I do remember feeling awkward about it and having to stop when my brother's friend came over, so I knew on some level that it was wrong to do. I'm blushing as I write this. . . I've carried around so much shame over this, and I know it wasn't my fault but I don't understand what was wrong with me that I got it into my head to do that.

C'mon, not something very interesting.

I mean, stop being so dramatic, maybe I'm being harsh but it's for your good.

Look, I've got similar memories to you, but worse, I did it in my fathers leg once! And when my brothers caught me doing it, they wouldn't tell me it was "cute" they would make me feel bad by saying "That's so gross!" But I kept doing it, then in secret because of how they made me felt.

I don't really care, it was so long ago, most people pass through this as sex is totally natural and not shameful at all. If you feel guilty about this, the problem is not the fact that you rubbed your genitals to make you feel pleasure, that was okay. The problem now is your shame, that is ridiculously still in your mind and not letting you live, is this rational? No, you probably have some other troubles in your mind (OCD?) and if you cannot let this silly problem go, you should get a therapist. Simple.

when I was 3 I used to run around naked with my testicles in the open
I used to get some sort of urge to do that every time my parents had guests

felt good man

I'm sorry to hear you've experienced so much shame over this.

I think it's perfectly natural to have those urges as a small child. A small child senses that something feels good, it doesn't know that it is sexual by nature. This can be seen in infants as well. It's not something sexual or shameful - it's responding to something that feels pleasurable.

Do you know why you're having trouble with these memories and why you have so much shame attached to them? It must be tiering to carry with you. I hope that with the time that has passed that you're feeling better.