My Story

I am 20 years old and male and here is my story,when i was 8 years old i entered in a sexual encounter with my older cousin it was oral sex,it left me extremely confused,couple of years later when i was 13 i tried to do the same thing with my younger sister but in a first couple of seconds i was struck with shame and gult,i panicked that no one would find out and more importantly that she wouldn't remember,i vowed that i wouldn't do anything like that ever again and to be a good brother to her memory stil haunted me,then couple of years later(when i was 18) i confessed the story to my best friend who responded with estrangement and in light of other events broke of his frendhip with me,wich has left me in a state of extreme shame and guilt,and in fear of losing face and more importantly of my little sister losing face which is destroying me,in time i ended up in a state of depression and anxiety for wich i take medication,but live in constat shame and fear,wich is ruining my life,when after all,all i want to be in life is good and loving man and those negative emotions are blocking me,i can't confess any further because it will lead to only more suffering,but i cant forget or relese the shame and guilt and fear,i just wanted to share my story with somone....

jhon-

You made a mistake at 13. Ok, don't let it haunt your life. I for one am keenly aware of how inappropriate sexual enounters in childhood can lead to, well maybe more such inappropriate encounters during adolescence.

It doesn't sound as though you did your sister any great harm, and for that I am grateful (possibly she sees it differently, I dunno). But to let something you did at 13 that did not greatly harm anyone haunt you in later life is simply counterproductive and serves no useful purpose. You are taking a healthy attitude- regret over a youthful mistake- and turning it into something that is not at all healthy.

I urge you to discuss this situation with a therapist. He or she may be able to help you put this behind you and to get on with your life. You are not doing yourself or anyone else any good by beating yourself up this way over an isolated incident that caused no grave injury.

Please let us know how you deal with this situation.