Eloquently Guilty

Guilt is a funny thing. For years I managed my guilt, shame and remorse with drugs and alcohol. My road to sobering up has been a long one. Knowing I still have a journey ahead of me still, I am happy for how far I have come. One thing however, I could have never anticipated, was all the poison I was holding back is starting to finally sink into my veins.

Ive been lying about my substance abuse to my girlfriend and family. Iv lied to my girlfriend countless times. Ive come very close to cheating.

If i come clean to my girlfriend she will leave me, that I can guarantee. She is the reason for my success in becoming a better man, and the one person I simply couldnt live without.

I feel like I dont deserve her, and I am not being fair to her keeping her in the dark about my past with her. Although I believe that I am well on my way to a permanent state of honesty and peace, I am torn.

Im not sure if I should come clean and lose her, but at least I could say I did the right thing. Or should I keep it to myself. Swallow it up, and hopefully in time It wont suffocate me. She would be devastated, crushed, and ruined. As of right now, we are 2.5 years of near fairy tale love. We are happy, and things have never been better between us.

What should I do?

I'm sorry, I'm not clear, Relyt. Why would she definitely leave you?

Just be honest and tell her. Anyway love forgives.

She wouldn't forgive me because iv been lying for so long.