Regretting not drinking alcohol as a teenager

I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum, and I think that led me to take parental advice too close to heart. I'm 21 years old and I keep looking back at my teenage years with regret and resentment. I avoided parties and normal social interaction with people because I thought that they were trying to corrupt me with their alcohol use and I wanted to be above it all. I gave exaggerated polemics about how people were seriously hurting themselves with even the mildest of alcohol or drug use that must have made me look completely idiotic. I started avoiding parties and being cautious of people early on in high school, even for people who didn't drink, because I was always afraid. I even complained to the Advertising Standards board about an anti drinking advertisement because I saw it as normalising and even encouraging teenage drinking culture.

My aversion evolved in complexity to the point where I could accept other people's drinking (although I still saw it as morally wrong), but the moment I turned 18 I decided that it was suddenly ok. As if my brain had literally used the alcohol drinking law as its guide. I drank heavily at parties like everyone else, never quite getting much enjoyment out of it, possibly because of how socially awkward I was. Now I try, and usually succeed, at keeping my alcohol use in check and only ever drink at social occasions anyway. I also have no objection to anybody's personal choices any more, although I do like to warn the people I care about of the some dangers of their actions (which is normal... right?)

However I'm a very depressed, lonely and unsatisfied adult and I keep looking back at my teenage years as where I really started to fall behind in life. I wish an adult that I trusted told me it was OK, or even good to drink alcohol and go to parties where everyone else was drinking alcohol. I went to one and I could barely have any fun because I kept worrying about what my parents would think. I lied to them about there being alcohol at the party. I find out later that they would have been ok with me drinking and would have gladly taken me on lifts home from any party as long as I didn't take any drugs, didn't overdo it and kept my grades up.

I don't blame anyone but myself for my actions, although I wish that schools and other official sources of information didn't have to take a hard line policy against alcohol. I actually got a good education about effects, one where they explicitly avoided saying "Don't do drugs" or "Don't drink", but the barrage of negative effects really did encourage evangelistic avoidance in someone like me.

I also don't mean to diminish any of the regrets of people who have problems with alcohol. I am just saying what role alcohol played in that stage of my life, and how I think a different approach might have helped me.

Sounds like you are mourning your teenage years and the experiences you could have had rather than the experiences you did have. What I woud say tho is that we are all on our own journey and you not drinking as much as others your age and having their experiences fueled by alcohol created your own experiences that make you who you are - remember also that you dont have to drink to have a good time - although I suspect you know this.

Cracked

i always tear up at the thought of all the illicit substances i'm being deprived of

I don't think you necessarily missed out on anything that you should regret missing out on. There's nothing to say that you'd be happier with your life now if you had drunk alcohol then. Furthermore, its possible that you may have other regrets if you'd drunk then.

You should let the past go. Its gone. Nothing you can do to change it except how you live with it. Face the future and focus on the present.

If you are depressed, get treatment for it. Learn how to maximise your present moment happiness in a good way - i.e. although i am not against drinking alcohol per se. Its not going to make your life better. Specially not if you drink a lot. Focus on personal growth, being a good person, developing social skills and work skills. These things are useful and are more likely to increase how much happiness you find in life than anything else.

Heavy alcohol use as a teenager can cause permanent damage to the brain. With your disorder do you want to be causing further brain damage?

Alcohol, especially in young inexperienced with life teens, often causes disastrous consequences. Mourn lack of social experiences all you like, but it comes across as a bit odd that you mourn not using alcohol as a teenager, it is a poison and as a reformed chronic alcoholic I can tell you, keeping away from it as a teenager was one of the best things you did, you can still have sex, friends and good experiences without alcohol. BTW I am not anti-drug, alcohol is legal but its one of the worst drugs, there are some illegal drugs out there which are much better to use than alcohol.

Human animal doesn't require alcohol (though ironically, postmorten the body will produce it.) You didn't miss anything not drinking. Wanna drink, go drink. A few hangovers will convince most reasonably intelligent people they're not missing anything.

I dont think anyone should regret not using a narcotic substance while in high school. You may regret the parties missed, but maybe things worked out for the best. Who knows? Being in the present moment and never looking backward is the only lessons I've learned from growing into adulthood. I still do look back sometimes and wish I'd made it different, but this will only increase my mental burden when I need myself to be open to now and the future.