I hide my pregnancy from my mum until I was a month due

I don't know what the heck is wrong with me. I am due in 7 days and just told my mom 3 weeks ago she was going to have a grandson. I lied to her about living with the baby's father, because I knew she would freak out, I am ashamed of my boyfriend, he is a $#%^ head sometimes, mean and hateful, insecure I think because he is only 5 feet tall. He lies, pathologically at least he did I am sure he still does. I don't know why I felt I had to hide this from her and my brother still doesn't know. The baby's father called and told her, he likes to be the center of attention, one of the reasons he lies. He called her out of spite. The dude is a dick and I wish I had never meet him. Now every time I talk to her, I can hear the anger in her voice, I can also hear the hurt. She will cry as we say goodbye. I just want to yell at her to get out of my life, but I don't want that I want her to have a relationship with her grandson. If I were to get anyone out of my life it would be the baby's father. I almost feel like I hate him. I just want everyone to back off, I am in the 1st stages of labor so it is easy to say ###$'um. I have not been able to enjoy my pregnancy fearing what others in my family will say to me. I would love to run away from this and never look back, but it is not that easy. I can say I am glad my mom knows the truth, I just wish I had told her. Why did I hide this from her? I guess I thought she couldn't handle it. At 12 my mom told me she was "too old" when she had me and that she was sending me to live in a group home and mental institution. It was horrible, she has been a heavy drinker most of my life. My oldest brother lives in her basement, I don't go to her house anymore because I don't want to hear how bad I ###$ up getting knocked up by an insecure asshole.
2 years ago I lost my boyfriend in a horrible medical mishap, I feel like I have made so many mistakes in my relationships. I hated having to call my mom and tell her Willis was dead, she has told me "you will never find someone who loved you like him", When I told her about the baby the asshole told me she "wished it was Will's", damn her. She is as ashamed of me as I am of the baby's father. I have so much anger, regret and hostility. I have been working on not hating, on being nice and kind to others. I really have and it has been easy, I just think about how I would like others to treat me and my unborn son. I wish I had a normal life, and everything would have turned out normal for me. I meet others my age, 35, and they are living what looks like a fun life, raising their children, enjoying their aging parents, but not me, I get to look forward to a drunk ass mom and a brother who lives in her basement and deflects, he will point out all the negative of others, not considering the fact he is over 40 living off his mom hiding in her basement. I don't mean to feel sorry for myself but damn it, I always have to hear how bad my mom is from my brother and how bad my brother is from my mom. My baby's father is ###$ up in his own way, my "best friend" is a ######6 basket case, I don't like her really, I think she is loud and over bearing, a little goes a long way with her. She wants me to call her when I go into labor so she can be there but truthfully I don't want anyone in the birth room with me. If anything I wish she would help with the baby's father's children that is where I need her.

I was sad to read your post and the terrible lack of healthy supportive people in your life, especially when you are so close to having a baby. It seems like you spend a lot of time trying to make things work with others who have neglected to do the same for you. If you really don't want them in the birthing room then stick to your guns. You will thank yourself for it later. You need to be true to yourself and take care of your baby and yourself first. Make decisions that support the best of the best for your new baby and yourself. Make this a hopeful, bright time in your life.. you are bringing a new life into the world, one that you can choose wisely for and create a healthy, happy and stable life for. Think and dream about the endless possibilities of a wonderful life that you and your baby can have together. Your new baby can be a wonderful blessing, so put your energy and attention there and forget about the rest of them for now.

Let us know how it all goes.. wishing you the very best.