Did I just wake up today? (about emotional abuse )

I wonder if I just woke up.....

young girls, women were taught as growing up to be the caretaker and be selfless ( or back in my youth days that is )

I have finally REALIZEd that I am in a severely abusive relationship and of course Im the one being abused giving him all I have and every breath I take is to serve and make him happy

I am isolated and alone. I need support and I found this site and hope it will help me gain my confidence back that has been totally destroyed by this man who has controlled and manipulated me for so long.

he has robbed me of my self worth and confidence and I am just totally exhausted
I am not even allowed to talk on the phone or have contact with anyone.

We live isolated he can talk to people but I know better. if we are around others and I do I pay for it dearly

he is the mr so nice and manipulates everyone he comes in contact with.
he only cares about his self and uses everyone
he is a good liar Ive seen it many times and that is one character flaw that is a NO WAY for me in a man. But I didnt discover this flaw in him until I was burried deep into this hell hole

he wants total control of me
you know I am not allowed to speak on most days.
he screams at me for asking him he he slept well or if he wants a glass of milk since I am up getting myself something ( he loves milk )

he told people he put me through school
but I paid for all of it and also for him because he is on disability
which he lies and hides
I used the money for the sale of my house and cashing in my retirement for us to live off of

he wanted me to sell my truck cause he claimed we didnt need it that I can just drive his car and he would put my name on it ... but that made me feel uneasy.. I have just not done that yet

today because he was mad at me told me that if I ever drive his car again he will call the police and have me arrested for stealing it and this was after he repeately insisted that I drive it to work and back which is only 7 miles
if I had gotten rid of my truck like he insisted then he would have me totally under his thumb

I have spent money to remodel this house which he always said it was ours and he was gonna put my name on it also and since I helped pay if off for him so if something happened his money grubbing family ( sisters ) wont get it and make me leave
I was gonna pay for a new barn roof ... around five grand

I mow the acerage cause he cant
he is in pain
but.. he is in pain when it comes to responsibility but when it comes to helping me he hurts but when he wants to do things he wants to ... all of a sudden he dont hurt

everything I do Im stupid
I cant even wash dishes to his liking
I carry wood stack it etc so we can have heat with the fireplace

the only good clothes he has are the ones I bought him

he tells me what I can have and not have
he makes all my decisions for me cause according to him im not got the intellegence to do so

the only friends he had were those who were thugs ( the only ones he could get to have anything to do with him with him not working

he wont go to bbq's or pool side cook outs or to movie or anything
he says he hates people and Im not allowed to have anyone here to visit even my family

he never puts his arm around me or holds my hand
he is not affectionate
he says he dont do that
and he also makes me feel I dont deserve love or affection
and has even made statements to that

I have a job
and he puts me down for having it
I cant talk about something funny or good at work
I cant come home and get support when I have had a bad day
he says he dont give a F and dont want me to talk to him about my stupid job
he will be on a screaming rampage up to when I leave for work and its a stressful job
so it is hard somedays for me to just go there

he blames everything on me that has ever went wrong in his life
instead of he cant work in the garage on a car because he hurts...
its my fault cause I wont let him

he throws things slams stuff down
he screams at me constantly
I cant even walk across the floor with out being scared of one of his screaming fits

I have spent money to not only fix the house up but also the landscapping of the acerage
roses flowers bushes and 20 fruit trees
its one day me and him and ours and we
then the next its his all he and his

I cant even look his direction when he is on the computer
he has long mirror placed so he can see what I do while he is on the computer
if I look that direction he will slam down his mouse and sigh loud and sometimes scream at me

he will make things up that didnt happen to scream at me

everything I did was for US
and all this time he was using me
he is about to get some not a lot but some money for a house that his mother had that he has to split with his sisters whom he hates
and he says he cant wait cause that is when he can get rid of me

and I took a day off work to be there since he was so distraught cause of the way his sisters have taken advantage of him to be there for him and be supportive of him

he promises vacations and then he comes to the time to do this
he makes it like I dont deserve to go I always did something according to him so I dont get to go

when we ride in the car I cant talk or laugh and have a good time I have to just sit and nod or agree with him
he may say its gonna be warm today ... I will say its gonna be a beautiful day
and doing so he screams at me stomping on breaks saying "you want me to carry your fing a..s home I made a comment you had no reason to say anything and there for he screams at me for several hours because I agreed and said it was a beautiful day

he tells me im jealous
but I am not that way never have been
the reason way is we were at the drag race track and some guy came and talked to us 20 min acting like he knew us both. i dont know who he is and when he left asked howard who he was and ..
howard said I had no right to ask him a question ... there for I am deemed jealous and that is the reason we can never go anywhere in public according to him

ok I have no one I can talk to
i am so lonely
even at work I cant really make friends
it will cause more to deal with with this guy I have been living with six years
and I am embarrassed to let anyone know what is going on in my life
I go to work and go home to get abused and work my bunns off at home because he cant cause he has neuro pain

oh yea he will shut me out and tell me to shut up or shut the F up if I even kiss him and say good mornng....
but he treats others like he is their buddy but... he usually is using them for something
he likes no one period

but he gets on line and makes up posts that are not true how great he is on forums
then
he also getting on line meeting prositutes and meeting them when I was not home
I left before cause he was abusing me and running around on me

I came back he promised he would do better
he did for a while cause I feel he needed my money and for me to give back rubs and do the work here so he didnt have to etc
I really feel he has used me
i feel unloved
and he is manipulative and lets me know I dont deserve to be loved
he is punishing me for talking this morn so plans he promised me for a long time have been canceled
again as they have been before

and now he is gonna call police if I drive the car for punishment
and he is gonna get rid of me in seven days when he gets this money for the sale of the house

ya know
he dont want the others that he plays "poor me" to to know he has that money coming in
cause then he cant get free stuff done

now he goes to them and tells them how bad I am so he cant manipulate them into doing more freebies for him. as he ran to me about them

well here is this I found on line
both of these made me realize OMG this describes him exactly and what he is doing to me

"
<LI>Constantly putting you down</LI>
<LI>Extreme jealousy or insecurity</LI>
<LI>Explosive temper</LI>
<LI>Isolating you from family or friends</LI>
<LI>Making false accusations</LI>
<LI><NOBR><A id="FALINK_1_0_0" class="FAtxtL" href="#">Mood
swings</A></NOBR></LI>
<LI>Physically hurting you in any way</LI>
<LI>Possessiveness</LI>
<LI>Telling you what to do</LI>" (all this is exactly how he is !!!)



"by YasminP » Wed Dec 22, 2010 4:42 am

Emotional abuse is the most difficult kind abuse to recognize, both for the abused person and that person’s friends and family. Often, this behavior is one-on-one behind closed doors. So friends are not there to see it happen. But it is often difficult for the person being abused to recognize the abuse.

This is because emotional abuse is a form of brainwashing. It tends to reinforce negative emotions and self-perceptions that may have already existed within us. When our own irrational thoughts are reinforced, it turns the world on its ear. Up is down and right is wrong, so that we come to believe what our loved one is confronting us with every day.

“Loved one” is a dicey term, of course. What makes emotional abuse so insidious is that it comes from the person we invest the bulk of our emotional energy into. We love this person, but he seems to find us lacking in every way possible. If you naturally have self-esteem issues, then the natural reaction is to fight to be “worthy” of your partner’s love.

This is exactly what the abuser wants. The emotionally abusive partner wants control over the relationship. This person tends to be narcissistic and controlling. Once again, “narcissistic” is an important word. This means the person is thinking more about his or her needs than your needs, or the needs of the relationship. The abusive person is disinterested in whatever needs you bring to the relationship, and wants to control your life in order to fulfill his or her needs alone. "


<LI>Constantly putting you down</LI>
<LI>Extreme jealousy or insecurity</LI>
<LI>Explosive temper</LI>
<LI>Isolating you from family or friends</LI>
<LI>Making false accusations</LI>
<LI><NOBR><A id="FALINK_1_0_0" class="FAtxtL" href="#">Mood
swings</A></NOBR></LI>
<LI>Physically hurting you in any way</LI>
<LI>Possessiveness</LI>
<LI>Telling you what to do</LI>

Hi Pink Lovebug, welcome! I'm glad you are here. You do deserve to be loved so I am sending some your way. *super hugs* hon.

As to your question, did you wake up today? It sounds like it, yes. Now the question becomes, what do you intend to do?