Any suggestions when approaching women in a pub or a bar

Hi everyone,

I am very shy when it comes to talking to women. I am hoping to get rid of the shyness by going to a bar/pub and talking to women there. Having a pint makes me feel relaxed and more confident.

Could you share any tips or suggestions for the same?

Thanks

It might help you if you could work on your self esteem, to improve your confidence whether you're in a pub or not. Using alcohol as a prop only papers over the cracks.

Therapy and assertive lessons can greatly help you to improve your confidence. Dating sites are also good ways to meet women. You have the chance of talking to them via e mail initially, and will have some idea of their interests and attitudes.

It helps when you approach a woman to remember that she is a human being too, with her own insecurities. Nearly everyone appreciates a friendly smile, and someone who genuinely listens to what they have to say. Asking open questions as opposed to closed questions encourages the conversation to flow. So does expressing a genuine interest in the conversation.

I had big problems approaching women for a number of years (I'm still not great at it now, but much better and at least more confident). I am sure you will get a good response from women here with some good advice. I was always so scared of rejection that as much as a psyched myself up that I couldn't do it. What I have realized now I am slightly better is that the vast majority of women are most likely to take your approaches as a compliment, even if they are not interested in any way. What I was so scared of for so long I just don't know.

Back in 2007 I was waiting for a bus. It was delayed. I started making conversation to a girl at the bus stop with me. I have never clicked with anyone so much in my life, it was like those moments you see in Romcoms. Because of a major incident in town the buses were delayed for three hours. We spent the entire time chatting and flirting. When the bus arrived I was the first on. She came on after, and sat next to me. The whole bus was free and she sat next to me. We carried on talking and laughing and joking until my stop. I remember wishing I didn't have to get off because I had never enjoyed getting to know someone so much. I can remember exactly what she was wearing, I can remember her hobbies, how many brothers she had, who she did her banking with! I can so clearly remember the gorgeous giggle that she had. But when I got off the bus, I said goodbye, and I still didn't know her name or a way to contact her, because I was so scared of asking. I turned up for the bus at the same time for next week hoping she'd be there and I could rectify it, but she wasn't. Five years on I have had relationships and been happy in them. But I still regret it, as silly as that might seem. So my very corny advice is its better to feel silly for a second than regretful for years.

masquerade wrote:
Dating sites are also good ways to meet women. You have the chance of talking to them via e mail initially, and will have some idea of their interests and attitudes.

This is really true. I also think that using dating websites is actually a really good way of improving the way you approach women in person because you naturally ask more open questions and get used to breaking the ice this way. Its both good in of itself and good practice for more normal social scenes.

Also chatting first - on Skype, for example - may be a good idea. It's not the same as emails. If a woman knows you a little, she'll probably be more forgiving And some women find shy guys cute

On one hand - drinking a beer to relax may be helpful and in bars most people are a little drunk, on the other - it might be hard to repeat a conversation while you are sober. If you see a woman that you are interested in, try to make eye contact and smile. If she responds with a smile it should be ok and you'll probably feel more confident. Then you can approach her and start a conversation - ask if she's waiting for someone (such a cliche but many people ask this question ), if she comes to that pub often etc. When it comes to overcoming fear - of any kind - it's usually about practice, practice and practice.

Do you have any single male friend that could accompany you? Women quite often go to pubs/bars in pair and it's always easier with someone friendly at your side

masquerade wrote:It might help you if you could work on your self esteem, to improve your confidence whether you're in a pub or not. Using alcohol as a prop only papers over the cracks.

Therapy and assertive lessons can greatly help you to improve your confidence. Dating sites are also good ways to meet women. You have the chance of talking to them via e mail initially, and will have some idea of their interests and attitudes.

It helps when you approach a woman to remember that she is a human being too, with her own insecurities. Nearly everyone appreciates a friendly smile, and someone who genuinely listens to what they have to say. Asking open questions as opposed to closed questions encourages the conversation to flow. So does expressing a genuine interest in the conversation.

Thanks Masquerade. I am usually very confident. It's only when it comes to women I am not so much. I am just trying to meet more women so I can be more confident around them.

I will be trying the online dating again. Thanks for all the valuable suggestions, I will keep them in mind.

-- Wed Aug 22, 2012 11:28 pm --

Boycott_old_mind wrote:I had big problems approaching women for a number of years (I'm still not great at it now, but much better and at least more confident). I am sure you will get a good response from women here with some good advice. I was always so scared of rejection that as much as a psyched myself up that I couldn't do it. What I have realized now I am slightly better is that the vast majority of women are most likely to take your approaches as a compliment, even if they are not interested in any way. What I was so scared of for so long I just don't know.

Back in 2007 I was waiting for a bus. It was delayed. I started making conversation to a girl at the bus stop with me. I have never clicked with anyone so much in my life, it was like those moments you see in Romcoms. Because of a major incident in town the buses were delayed for three hours. We spent the entire time chatting and flirting. When the bus arrived I was the first on. She came on after, and sat next to me. The whole bus was free and she sat next to me. We carried on talking and laughing and joking until my stop. I remember wishing I didn't have to get off because I had never enjoyed getting to know someone so much. I can remember exactly what she was wearing, I can remember her hobbies, how many brothers she had, who she did her banking with! I can so clearly remember the gorgeous giggle that she had. But when I got off the bus, I said goodbye, and I still didn't know her name or a way to contact her, because I was so scared of asking. I turned up for the bus at the same time for next week hoping she'd be there and I could rectify it, but she wasn't. Five years on I have had relationships and been happy in them. But I still regret it, as silly as that might seem. So my very corny advice is its better to feel silly for a second than regretful for years.

Thanks Boycott_old_mind for your advice. It sounds very beautiful what happened to you. I hope you find that girl or someone even better. You never know what life awaits you. That's the beauty of life I think.

IceBlock wrote:Also chatting first - on Skype, for example - may be a good idea. It's not the same as emails. If a woman knows you a little, she'll probably be more forgiving And some women find shy guys cute

On one hand - drinking a beer to relax may be helpful and in bars most people are a little drunk, on the other - it might be hard to repeat a conversation while you are sober. If you see a woman that you are interested in, try to make eye contact and smile. If she responds with a smile it should be ok and you'll probably feel more confident. Then you can approach her and start a conversation - ask if she's waiting for someone (such a cliche but many people ask this question ), if she comes to that pub often etc. When it comes to overcoming fear - of any kind - it's usually about practice, practice and practice.

Do you have any single male friend that could accompany you? Women quite often go to pubs/bars in pair and it's always easier with someone friendly at your side

Thanks IceBlock for your advice. Not sure how I can find someone on Skype from dating. May be through online dating, I will keep your suggestion in mind.

I will keep your questions in mind. I agree it's about more and more practice.

I have a few friends, some of them are in relationship. Others go to the pub close to the house. Not many women in that pub. I have joined a few clubs for some outdoor sports and will be making some new friends. Thanks for that tip also.