how to stop turning off on people?

alright so, for the most part i think i got my BPD under control. a lot of trial and error, i was diagnosed a few years ago. i know when i get manic and when im overreacting, and to be honest i do feel proud of myself that i've gotten this far by myself.
i am not being treated currently, or have ever been. not because i didn't want too just because whenever i tried to seek help i'd just get tossed around and a couple people have told me they couldn't help me. i'm still currently looking into treatment at this center i go too for unrelated reasons to my BPD but i know they can help with that too. the problem with that is that this place is in another state so i seldom get to go there, but its the only place i've been met with understanding.
i feel like the only real thing getting in my way is my relationships with people, basically anyone.
i'm an introvert by nature but i get 'bored' of people, can go weeks/months without talking to someone without being upset with them at all(this upsets my friends when i dont think its a big deal) and i'm just so up and down about people i date. i can be head over heels with them for a little while and then its just nothing. i dont feel like i can touch them sometimes, or be hugged, intimate or anything. everyone tells me i'm really not good at expressing my feelings, which is entirely true. i'm just very.. stoic about everything.
even if i still do love someone i can't show it how they want me too. i'm not 'romantic' or cuddly enough at a certain point, and i am pretty sexually reserved because of past abuse. no one really has flat out told me what they feel straight forward, so some of it i'm just guessing. i feel like maybe the think i undermind their troubles and don't care enough when i still really do but its frustrating how i cant seem to show it so they dont feel like they're appreciated enough. which is the truth sometimes because i feel like i go through periods were i really want nothing to do with them, and i dont give a damn about any of their problems.
i'm just not sure what to do about this. as much as i would like to get back with my boyfriend, i just really want to somehow try and show i care more about everyone. i am and have always been there to listen to their problems even if i wasn't interested and i do what i feel like i can do but i just don't even know where to start to try and fix this. i want to stop turning off when it comes to everyone.
therapy? medication?
i've tried opening up about my BPD but i really dont think they understand why i can't just DO certain things and they just think its because i'm a douchebag.

Because you have been abused in the past, this could really be more related to past issues than the bipolar. Please mention this to your doctor initially to rule out the need to have your meds adjusted. In any case, please speak to a therapist as you may have trust issues and other things going on that are directly related to the abuse. Please let us know how you get on.

I couldn't tell from your post how much of what is going on with you is due to your disorder, abuse, or introversion. Perhaps some combination of all these factors.

An article for you though -

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/arc ... vert/2696/

Introverts often feel bad about themselves for no good reason other then the majority of the population appears to be extroverted, and so introversion is often mis-understood or seen as a problem. The introvert can end up feeling like there is something wrong with them, when in fact there is nothing wrong with them, they just approach life from a different perspective. It's okay if you need alone time. All introverts do. Allowing yourself to enjoy that time, without guilt that you're not someone else, can make it much more refreshing so that when you are ready for activities with others, you'll be better able to enjoy it... for a time. Introverts invariably burn-out after too much socialization and need alone time to re-charge their emotional batteries.

That all written, being an introvert myself, I've also worked on balancing my personality and that includes trying to be more in touch with my extroverted side (Note - there are extroverted people I really wish would get in touch with their introverted side ). It probably will never come naturally to me, but it is doable. Small little steps helps. By just taking small steps, like something as simple as smiling and saying 'hi' randomly to people I might otherwise tune out, those little actions slowly feedback and change the way I feel/think, making it increasingly easier and more natural. It could be just taking some small steps will work for you too.

Best wishes,

X

Edited by Mod

rover64dd

The tone of your post I edited suggests you have a fair amount of baggage when it comes to relationships yourself. However that does not excuse your post and what you said. Remember this is a support forum and as such please keep posts supportive and/or constructive. Failure to do so will result in Mod Preview and official warnings. Multiple official warnings will result in a ban.

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