Should i forgive him?

Sorry this is long....

This situation has been plaguing my mind for the past week. When I worry, I worry until im physically ill which has already come to that point. So im going to explain the situation and hopefully someone can give me insight. I have already talked to a few others about this already. For the sake of this, I will use random names. Alex for the male, and Miranda for the first female, Carla for the second female.

Alex is a friend of mine I met through two other friends, I had known him for a total of four months before this incident happened. Miranda is a coworker of mine and Carla is a friend of Miranda. Alex is close to my age, where as Miranda and Carla are eight and nine years older than us. Anyway, I made plans to hang out with Alex and Miranda decided she wanted to come along to try and set Alex up with Carla. I don’t mind and say sure, why not. They both are lonely people that need company. After the hang out is over with, I go stay with Alex to pick his brain on how he views Carla. After finally hearing that he thought Carla was cool, we set up a following meeting for the two. The very next day we all gather for lunch. They exchange numbers and I think yay I did my friend a favor, got him two new friends and possibly a girlfriend.

Days later Alex texts me telling me how he thinks that both Miranda and Carla likes him, and I remind him that Miranda is married with kids, which he knows. He claims he knows that, but she sounds un happy with her husband. I should have taken that as sign number one. So, another week goes by and Miranda throws a party and invites me and Alex. I decided not to go, Alex didn’t want to go but I told him to go anyway to meet more people. He tells me he had fun at the party and the next three days it happens. I’m sleeping and my phone rings at 3am. I get a drunk voicemail from Alex claiming he did something stupid and hopes that we can still be friends. Confused because he isn’t answering, nor is Miranda, I question her when she comes in to work. At first she doesn’t want to talk about it, then she explains what happened.

She says it was a dinner party that Alex and Carla were both at. Everyone left and she allowed Alex to stay late so she [Miranda] and him can talk and chill. She tells him to leave, he gets mad and storms out. He comes back in minutes later to grab his beer and tries to kiss her. She makes him leave. She says he beat on her door to tell her to open it, after she’s locked it, and she goes to the kitchen. So apparently he comes through her back door which was unlocked to tell her to talk to him, and to tell her he was sorry for trying to kiss her and she makes him leave again. She says she doesn’t want anyone to touch her because that freaked er out. Then she’s mad at me for introducing him to her…and im like wtf?

So later she starts explaining, she claimed she flirted with him a lot. And that she told him about how unhappy she was with her husband and how she was going to leave him. She told me that she told Alex that she didn’t want to start a new relationship until she was finished with the other. Then she told me in a warning voice that I should stay away from him because he is crazy and I should never be left alone with him. Then tells me she blocked him from everything, including facebook. So, I decided to make the same move and I pass the situation as over and done with. Before breaking up my friendship with him, he said he’d deleted her number from his phone because I told him it would be best to steer clear of her, and that he too blocked her on facebook.

We get a shift together in the same spot and she starts talking about it, I didn’t want to hear about it because I already felt bad for breaking up a friendship with someone I had fun hanging out with. She tells me that she texted him back and they talk now. She says they talk occasionally. She informed me that she wouldn’t have made a big deal about it but since he called me, she didn’t want to be involved with him anymore.

Honestly im confused…I mean I feel guilty for breaking my friendship without fully hearing his side of the story. I know she flirted with him, because she flirts with everyone including me [im a girl]. And the fact that he was lonely probably made it worse. He moved here a year ago and doesn’t have any family because they live in a different state far away. I don’t know…it’s confusing to me, should I try and contact him and try and hear his side of the story? I mean i possibly feel guilty because for a few months he was the ear i needed when i had to speak about the issues in my life. I automatically jumped to her side without hearing his because she's my coworker....

Maybe she slept with him, realised she had made a mistake and made up these stories? It does seem odd that she got back in touch with him.

You know him well, and if you feel that this might be the case and that he's innocent, it would do no harm to contact him to hear his side of the story.

He did confirm that he beat on her door and came in through the back door. He never told me about trying to kiss her. I don't think they slept together yet, but i know she was probably going to a few days after the incident. She said she was gonna stay at his house but changed her mind because this incident happened. She flirted with him alot and i still feel bad for the way i spoke to him when choosing her side.

Do not feel bad for introducing them. Its not your fault. He sounds like he didn't respect her boundaries very well and thats a bad sign. She flirted with him and she likes him, but he will get hurt if he go's there with her.

Best thing you can do is stay out of it - keep some distance, but if you want to spam to alex then its up to you.

-- Tue Aug 07, 2012 5:18 pm --

Do not feel bad for introducing them. Its not your fault. He sounds like he didn't respect her boundaries very well and thats a bad sign. She flirted with him and she likes him, but he will get hurt if he go's there with her.

Best thing you can do is stay out of it - keep some distance, but if you want to spam to alex then its up to you.