Narcissistic Lover

Hi, so I am new here and have found out that the guy that I have been seeing for the last two months is a somatic narcissist.Long story short, a guy that I knew from high school and I begin talking on Facebook. He invites me over to his house at midnight, and at first I decline saying I feel uncomfortable coming over that late. He completely understands, and I end up going over for 20 minutes. He is very respectful, and we sit on his back porch and talk. He doesn't try to do anything sexual, and get the feeling that he really respects me. We hang out a few more times, without him
Making any moves and we talk and cuddle. Eventually, sex comes into question and he says that I don't want to get into a sexual casual relationship and that having sex with him will cause me to have feelings for him and he responds by asking me what I am so afraid of and saying there is nothing wrong with me getting feelings for him.

I begin to wonder if sex is all he wants and he INSISTS again and again that that is not what he wants and does so so convincingly that I question whether or not I am being paranoid. I ask him what he wants and he says he doesnt know. Fast forward a few weeks and he comes over my house completely drunk. I had just had surgery the previous day and Have 4 fresh scars on my stomach. He pressures me to have sex with him on my porch, of course I say no! He pulls me towards him numerous times even though I continue to tell him that he is hurting my stomach. He pulls my hair so hard that I almost cry. The following day I tell him that he needs to go to rehab and he freaks!!! He stops contacting me and says he can't believe I thought it was okay to say that to him.

Fast forward a few weeks and his baby's mom calls me and tells me that they were only broken up for two weeks (he told me six months!!!!) she also proceeds to tell me that he has had numerous infidelities and that she deals with it because she knows that he truly loves her. She also proceeds to tell me how he is jealous of his own son as he takes all of the attention and how he stares at himself in the mirror saying how hot he is!

I speak to him on the phone and he says he didn't use me for sex and I was judgmental about the rehab thing so he stopped talking to me!!!!

So here I am dealing with a Somatic Narcissist, and it's breaking my spirit. It all makes sense, he said he was too busy to hang out during the day, here he just saw me as a sexual being. So I have a few questions. Why does he see this girl as love able and me as not lovable??? Is there something wrong with me and why did I not make the cut??? And if he only saw me as a sexual being why did he go out of his way to assure me that he didn't?????

No offense intended, but you really sound better off without him. I wouldn't say that his behavior of favoring the 'baby's mama' is a sign of love but more of a sign of going to someone who has little boundaries or self-worth. He can get away with more, so he goes to the one who tolerates his bad behavior.

And if he only saw me as a sexual being why did he go out of his way to assure me that he didn't?????

Some people do that, my sister would tell her toys that all.the.time, and swear she wasn't using them, then dump them when she got bored. So it happens, it's terrible, but it happens.

Maybe look for some of the classic behavior signs, and run away....so you don't end up repeating this situation with another guy. And it doesn't hurt to do some inner work or self work on why you may find this particular type of guy attractive.

Hun, this alarmed me.

Fast forward a few weeks and he comes over my house completely drunk. I had just had surgery the previous day and Have 4 fresh scars on my stomach. He pressures me to have sex with him on my porch, of course I say no! He pulls me towards him numerous times even though I continue to tell him that he is hurting my stomach. He pulls my hair so hard that I almost cry. The following day I tell him that he needs to go to rehab and he freaks!!! He stops contacting me and says he can't believe I thought it was okay to say that to him.

I think calling him a narcissist is mild. I think potential rapist might be an accurate description. He showed no remorse for his actions, and actually twisted the events so that you felt as if you were the one to blame.

Please ask yourself why you are so obsessed with this man. He is dangerous.

I have also experienced a narcissist boyfriend. I am talking from experience as well as empathy.

stay away from this guy. if he's a narcissist why do you want to make the cut? surely the relationship won't be beneficial for you if you did go there...

he still has lots of baggage with the baby moms - your probably join to go over this again and again and again and again...but just know that you will move on. concentrating on why you find him so attractive and what your issues are with relationships. You can do this with a therapist or through websites like baggagereclaim. go find an all encompassing hobby and don't stress when you start missing him a little. it will pass.

good luck.