he left me shortly after he got out of prison! ADVICE PLEASE

My boyfriend (now ex) and I were together for a year and 5 months. Everything was great up until about 3 weeks ago when his attitude changed toward me. We got into an argument at the movie theater because he blew me off when I tried to talk to him and everything went down hill from there. His calls and texts stopped coming as much. The sweet language almost completely stooped, and he stopped making time to spend with me. His tone and language in how he talks to me got very disrespectful to the point that he would get irritated every time I would try and talk to him. I could ask him "do you miss me"? And he would blow up and get angry and respond by yelling " why you ask a stupid *** question!? I couldn't believe it. I told him not to ever talk to me like that I asked him if he wanted me to stop calling and leave him alone and he told me to shut up and if I ever said anything like that again, to dead myself and move on with life because the relationship will be over with. Those words hurt like hell and the conversation ended with him hanging up on me. The following day he ignored all my calls and texts and for the next 4 days after that I didn’t hear from him. The fifth day I couldn't take it anymore so I went over to his house and he was just purely cold. Every time I tried to touch him, he would tell me to get off of him, he didn’t want me to touch him, kiss him, nothing, he even told me to fix my dress when I sat down because he didn’t want to see that! All of this was shocking and hurtful. He told me that he wasn't going to call me and that he is acting like this because he doesn't want to talk to me and needs space away from me because he said that I ask him too many questions and argue with him too much. I asked him how he felt about me and he said " I care about you" I asked him if he loved me and he said " I'm not gonna answer that because I don’t have to" in the end, he said "let’s just be friends" I asked him if he doesn't want to be with me and he said no. he said I deserve better and he has some ****** up ways and he doesn't want to end up hurting me.

I just don’t understand how his feelings could go from loving me to death to hating me in just 3 weeks. If I didn’t go over there, he would still be ignoring and not calling me. He couldn't even confront me about all this, I had to make him.

Being away from me and not hearing from me doesn't seem to bother him not one bit! Ever since the day he told me wanted to be friends, I haven't heard from him. But he told a friend of his that we were ok and he just needed his space because he felt like he was still locked up. He said I was still his lady and he still loved me and wanted to marry me. On the other hand, he told his sister that he just wants us to be friends until he gets himself together, and then he told another friend that he just wants to be friends because I am acting childish. Isn't this confusing....

Part 2

Family got involved in our relationship, he told me that he needed space but then decided in the same day that we should just be friends and that he didn’t want to be with me b/c I deserve better (BS) I was devastated. I told him I couldn't be his friend and did NC for about 3 weeks. Then I received a text from his number telling me that he never cared.etc. Of course that hurt so when my mom found out about it, she gave him a piece of her mind and spoke to his father about the vindictive things he was doing. It was revealed that he didn’t send that message which meant that someone was playing with his or my phone. After that, he told family members to ignore and stop talking to "that girl" another insult that tore at my heart b/c I went from "wife", to "that girl"

I left him alone for about a month. I spoke to a friend of mine and she insisted that I follow my heart and call him. I called and he sent my call to voice mail. I was so hurt because even after 4 weeks he still would not talk to me. It ate me up so bad that the next day I called again, private because I felt that if he heard my voice maybe it would be different. He answered and asked who it was, once he heard it was me, he hung up again. I am trying everything to get myself through this situation but I feel like I am going in circles. I wrote a heartfelt text to his sister asking her to give me advice as if I was her sister or daughter and she completely ignored me which made me feel worse. He obviously hates me by the way he is acting and I just don’t understand why his sister would treat me like that especially when we used to be so close. I looked at her as my own sister, even helped her find a job when she got laid off and she just ignored me when I just asked her for advice.

A former inmate of his that was locked up with him heard about what he had did to me and called to talk to me. He told me that I am a beautiful, educated woman and can have any man I want. He said that he is stupid because anyone in their right mind wouldn't let someone like me go or do wrong to the one and only person that was there at the lowest point of his life when no one else was. He says that he speaks to him all the time and he asked him about why he didn't want to be with me and said that he couldn't even give a reason. He said that my ex is having a hard time adjusting and wants the finer things too fast and he is moving too fast and sounds like he is losing his mind. He told me that I am a good girl and I don't deserve that treatment and to not chase the rabbit.

Later on, he told me that my ex feels that he can do better than me.

I'm not going to keep going about what he said but it made me feel batter but now I’m sad all over again because I really think he hates me. Why else would someone act like that? Being with him while he was locked up wasn't easy at all and was very stressful at times but I never gave up on him. Now that he got out, it was so easy for him to let me go and give up on us just because of arguments and me asking him questions. I just hate it because it hurts SOOOOO much b/c he doesn't want anything to do with me and I still don’t know what I did that was wrong. I am tired of making a fool of myself and I don’t know what to do. Why is this so hard?
It has been over 2 months since he broke my heart and left me.

I am not doing well at all. One minute I can be fine and the next minute my heart is killing me. I am hurting so bad because I keep remembering how sweet he was and how he was always about me when he was in prison and even for a month after he got out. He always told me that he will always be in love with me and promised to never hurt me or leave me. Then he changed after a huge argument and I am left with the guilt that if I didn’t have that argument, everything would still be the way it was. I start thinking that maybe I shouldn't have argued with him, or maybe I should have given him space to hang out. But my friends and family said that it isn't me and if he really loved me he wouldn't have treated me like he did.

I keep hearing things that he is doing from people that see him and come back to me. Hearing that he is going on in life seemingly happy while I am in pain hurts me even more because I don’t know what I did for him to hate me and sever all ties with me. I don’t understand how he could do this to me and that’s the thought that cross my mind every day. I replay the pain he has caused me over and over in my head and no matter what I do it doesn't help me and I am still stuck in the pain. Sometimes my mind makes me believe that I am the only one he treats this way and will only treat me this way and that when he moves on, she will get what I used to have. That thought kills me because I don’t know what happened...What am I not seeing? Yes people said he didn’t want the relationship but just because you don’t want a relationship, you don’t have to treat someone like he did or display such hatred. Where did it come from? What am I not seeing?

I hear ya, i too came from a relationship with a girl that just totally blew me off and it hurt like hell for her to just drop the ball we had been together for 3 years on and off a couple times,but this last time she pretty much say we tried twice and whats the point so im left standing here holding the bag,this sounds hard but my advice is to try and move on,i preach this but im still learning how to do it i still find myself thinking about her the only thing it does is make me mad anymore ive wasted all this time and love on somebody who wouldnt even give me the time of day anymore.I look at it as shes the one who left me and she will never know whats shes lost until she sits up one day and shes sees whats shes done and by then i think it will be too late i dont even think i want her back now because of all the angry and stress and not caring for me shes done, its BS but its life, Just dont sit around anymore like ive done for the past 4 months waiting for her its not worth it, only cause you stress and pain on yourself and she still doesnt care that thats all ive been doing personally i know this sounds bad but i would like to scream at her and ask her WTF!

thank you! i hope you find some peace soon as i am seeking the same thing. It is hard and very painful just waiting for the day it stops hurting so much!

Welcome to the forums.

That thought kills me because I don’t know what happened...What am I not seeing?

One wonders what happened in prison? From where I sit, rape springs to my mind. In which case his behaviour is trying to protect you from the possible resulting STD's. Or he may have had to be someone's bitch to survive and something caused a flashback when he first reacted badly.

Tragically, and thought it hurts, chasing butterfly's is pointless. He may come back, but I doubt it. Either way not for a while.

i wasnt wondering what happened in prison and i hope that your guess was not the case. I was wondering what went wrong in regards to how he just turned against me. so cruel vindictive and evil.

-- Sun Jul 29, 2012 4:26 am --

i wasnt wondering what happened in prison and i hope that your guess was not the case. I was wondering what went wrong in regards to how he just turned against me. so cruel vindictive and evil.

i wasnt wondering what happened in prison and i hope that your guess was not the case. I was wondering what went wrong in regards to how he just turned against me. so cruel vindictive and evil.

Hun, he has shown you a nasty, vindictive side. Even if he wanted to end the relationship, he could have done so kindly. The side he has shown you is a side he will keep on showing, because it seems as if he is capable of being very cruel. Is this something that you want or need? If he does make things up with you and says all the right things, inevitably he will show you this side of himself again, because he has already done so. He is treating you with a total lack of consideration and respect. People like this might go through the motions, but they don't change.

Perhaps you need to accept that it is over, grieve for him, and cut your losses and rebuild your life. You deserve to meet someone who will appreciate you, treat you with kindness and not cut away at your self esteem in this way. Yes, it will hurt, and yes, you will grieve, but in time you will heal and find a way forward. The other alternative is to remain with someone who is capable of hurting you in this way.

Thank you! i am just struggling with trying to understand if i had anything to so with this behavior or if this is indeed who he really is. From what i can see, he isn't treating anyone else like this. Te only thing i was guilty of was pointing out how his words in prison did not match up with his actions, and how he didnt spend enough time with me. He got very angry about me bringing up the things in prison to the point where he told me to forget everything he said while he was in there. That was hard to do considering that prison is where our relationship started. It was so easy for him to treat me with disrespect and he even allowed his family to do it to me as well. I always had his best intentions for him, my nagging, and what he would call annoying behavior was just me trying to adjust to the huge change in him that I was experiencing and for that he turned on me and made me feel like an outsider and feel alone. I was no longer important o him and any and everyone came before me. It just really really hurts! He used to always be there for me and now he is against me. The most painful reality ever!

The feelings that you're going through at the moment are similar to a bereavement. You're mourning for the future that you didn't have, for the person you thought he was, for the chances that might have been, and for the part of you who was treated so badly. The grief will take time to go through and process, but if you have some understanding of it and treat yourself with kindness, you will eventually come to a point of healing.

relationship/topic84035.html

This link talks about the seven stages of grief after a relationship. You may find that you linger on some stages longer than others, pass through other stages relatively quickly, and revisit some stages. You won't go through these stages in any particular order. If the pain becomes too much, speaking to a therapist can help, and I'd recommend a therapist anyway because he has been abusive to you.

I'm so sorry that you feel so rejected, hun. Please keep posting here if you feel that helps. In time you will heal, although I know that's little comfort now. Please remember that what you have gone through wasn't your fault, and that nothing can take away your value. You just have to rediscover it. Please try to rebuild your self esteem, because you're a good, decent, valuable human being, with a lot to give.

[I'm so sorry that you feel so rejected, hun. Please keep posting here if you feel that helps. In time you will heal, although I know that's little comfort now. Please remember that what you have gone through wasn't your fault, and that nothing can take away your value. You just have to rediscover it. Please try to rebuild your self esteem, because you're a good, decent, valuable human being, with a lot to give.[/quote]


Thank you! and i have read the post link you supplied me. Im still uneasy as to how his family watched and observed his behavior towards me and did or said nothing. That really hurt me because i was naive to think that they actually cared about me.

I am also hurting for the person that i became from the break up when i tried to seek answers from family members in which i thought i was close to or even creating situations to help me find answers. It all made me look very bad but i was just trying to find the closure that he deliberately wouldnt give me and to my dismay, his family wouldnt give me either.

Sometimes we don't get the closure we seek from the people we need it from, and this can leave us with a huge sense of unfinished business. However, you can find your own kind of closure, and as you grow in strength, you will realise that you have learnt some valuable lessons. If you can understand what those lessons are, you can grow in wisdom and strength. In life we can choose whether or not to let a bad situation make or break us. With therapy, soul searching, introspection, and kindness to yourself, you can turn this situation around, and allow it to be the making of you. It can be an opportunity for growth. When you have worked through all the stages of grief, you will emerge much stronger, and will be able to look forward. I wish you well.