How long does it take to get over a relationship?

Okay so I am still being stalked by my ex mistress. She'll stop for a while and then she does something stupid and I don't respond and she starts up again. She has a boyfriend that confronted me and I have no clue why. The police are involved and I have an attorney and I am following his advice. I am over the relationship but it seems like she's never gonna stop. It's been well over a year since we ended it and she has been with her boyfriend for a little less time than that. This girl has some kind of PD or she's just plain psycho. I know this isn't a normal situation because I have never experienced anything like this in my life. I really dont think she wants me back, but I think she is seeking revenge and I don't understand why. I havent had any contact with her for months. I pretty much ignore her or I go the other way when I see her. She has this great new guy and I dont understand why she keeps looking back at me. I just want to know if anyone has had an experience similar to this.

Why don't you ask your lawyer to get a restraining order?

Hi,
Like Grey suggested, if you can get a restraining order that would help.

When it comes to stalkers, at least the ones I've met, you have to have really firm boundaries, like you said, if you see the person, stop turn around.
Avoid all contact.
Do not return letters or gifts(even unopened) as it just "feeds" the obsession, simply save everything as evidence or toss it away.
Same with answering the phone, even hanging up gives some that kick so it's best to change your phone number. So, changing all phone numbers, email, and blocking any point of contact helps immensely.
The BF is *may* have been fed the stories, and trying in earnest to stop you; it sounds like he cares but is being misguided. It helps to be firm with the SOs, just like with your ex, so rather than wasting your time defending/explaining yourself, walk away, or call the police if need be and file another report.
Some folks do move on upon developing a new obsession which can take months, at times years. Also, I've noticed with one person in my life, would disappear only to re-emerge several months later to "test," if you continue to ignore/avoid I've had luck in her going away to new prey.
It's extremely stressful situation so try to play it safe.
All the best.

Borg wrote:Hi,
Like Grey suggested, if you can get a restraining order that would help.

When it comes to stalkers, at least the ones I've met, you have to have really firm boundaries, like you said, if you see the person, stop turn around.
Avoid all contact.
Do not return letters or gifts(even unopened) as it just "feeds" the obsession, simply save everything as evidence or toss it away.
Same with answering the phone, even hanging up gives some that kick so it's best to change your phone number. So, changing all phone numbers, email, and blocking any point of contact helps immensely.
The BF is *may* have been fed the stories, and trying in earnest to stop you; it sounds like he cares but is being misguided. It helps to be firm with the SOs, just like with your ex, so rather than wasting your time defending/explaining yourself, walk away, or call the police if need be and file another report.
Some folks do move on upon developing a new obsession which can take months, at times years. Also, I've noticed with one person in my life, would disappear only to re-emerge several months later to "test," if you continue to ignore/avoid I've had luck in her going away to new prey.
It's extremely stressful situation so try to play it safe.
All the best.

Acoording to my lawyer in his experience and from what I have been reading getting a restaining order could set off this person to the next level. We can end up going to court(if she fights it) and then she will get the contact she wants or worse lie about something to get me in trouble. It will also give her the attention she is seeking. Also the cops said that is a last resort. I am not in any physical harm and Im not worried about her confronting me. It's just creepy.

But thats not want I wanted to know (I am extremely educated in restraining orders now) I would like to see if anyone has had this happen to them and what the outcome was or if they even found out why the person in the relationship was doing it.

I would like to see if anyone has had this happen to them and what the outcome was or if they even found out why the person in the relationship was doing it.

I can't tell you why she is stalking or how long it will continue, but I do know that you don't have to be a victim of it, you do have power in your situation.

I gave you tips on how to deal with stalkers as I have found helpful...I guess if you want some more details here ya go....

I suppose the worst(most dangerous/potentially deadly) stalking I experienced was when I was a teen, and a girl was stalking my sister whom I happen to look like. Being under age, the law was applied differently to her, and she was only kept in jail for short terms, the only thing that stopped was moving a year and a half later about two hours away.

Another stalker was another sister's ex-lover, that was more cultural based stalking and was a sweety compared to the other one. His culture has a different way of dealing with relationships than ours so it was stalker-like, plus he's was slightly obsessive and dull witted. When she broke up with him, it lasted maybe a few weeks to months before he would stop leaving creepy messages or phone calls. (The whole.... I'm watching you, doesn't work to rekindle the flame)

Then my own stalker, who I did eventually shake off, and occasionally pops back up every now and then but with less "umphf" each time. Moving ten hours away, changing all contact info, and disappearing off the face of the planet nipped it in the bud.

I know personally I did experience PTSD from the stalking, and recommend a good T to help you cope with the stress.
All the best.

Borg wrote:

I would like to see if anyone has had this happen to them and what the outcome was or if they even found out why the person in the relationship was doing it.

I can't tell you why she is stalking or how long it will continue, but I do know that you don't have to be a victim of it, you do have power in your situation.

I gave you tips on how to deal with stalkers as I have found helpful...I guess if you want some more details here ya go....

I suppose the worst(most dangerous/potentially deadly) stalking I experienced was when I was a teen, and a girl was stalking my sister whom I happen to look like. Being under age, the law was applied differently to her, and she was only kept in jail for short terms, the only thing that stopped was moving a year and a half later about two hours away.

Another stalker was another sister's ex-lover, that was more cultural based stalking and was a sweety compared to the other one. His culture has a different way of dealing with relationships than ours so it was stalker-like, plus he's was slightly obsessive and dull witted. When she broke up with him, it lasted maybe a few weeks to months before he would stop leaving creepy messages or phone calls. (The whole.... I'm watching you, doesn't work to rekindle the flame)

Then my own stalker, who I did eventually shake off, and occasionally pops back up every now and then but with less "umphf" each time. Moving ten hours away, changing all contact info, and disappearing off the face of the planet nipped it in the bud.

I know personally I did experience PTSD from the stalking, and recommend a good T to help you cope with the stress.
All the best.

Thanks for the input. I think I am gonna go get some therapy becuase none of what she's doing makes any sense and its driving me nuts. She wants to be left alone and thats exactly what I did. She has a chance to confront me and she doesnt. She's trying to get back at me and the thing is I am doing exactly what she asked me to do. She also has the greatest "man" (if you can call a mid 30's loser that lives with his mommy that) thats ever lived as her boyfriend. So the only question I have for her is why does she want to mess with me.

Is that right?
I mean His lifestyle has a different way of interacting with connections than ours so it was stalker-like, plus he's was a little bit excessive and boring witted. When she split up with him, it survived maybe a couple of several weeks to several weeks before he would quit making scary information or calling.

Is that right?

I'm not quite clear on what you are trying to ask.
So I'll answer in general.
Sometimes cultures clash, harshly, what is a norm in another, is unacceptable, perhaps even Taboo in the another nation. It happens, it's important to not take it personally, and find a commonality of exchange through it. Anyway, combined with his intrinsic nature(separate from cultural norms), well, the relationship came to it's demise.

When it did end, he just dragged it on, and on, and on. Message, after message, one phone call after another, each day, ugh. My sister would cry each night afraid to leave the house, left me to deal with him, but in essence he was harmless. So no harm no foul. I like to imagine he found another (true)loved one who shared his passions and was able to move on eventually.

I think I am gonna go get some therapy becuase none of what she's doing makes any sense and its driving me nuts.

I'm sure in her mind, it makes perfect sense.

She wants to be left alone and thats exactly what I did. She has a chance to confront me and she doesnt.

Did she say she is trying to get back at you or is that an assumption?(rhetorical question) Anyway, some people have really chaotic family relationships, it can cause a "push-pull" feeling, or opposite effect(where they ask for one thing but mean the opposite, like leave means stay), this is a maladaptive coping technique that works well in the dysfunctional family, but can really a mess in one's life or others. I am not saying that is okay, nor her case, just an example from my life/experience. It's like a fearful, abusive childhood makes direct needs dangerous so the person develops other means to get what they need. Anyway, there are a ton of reasons why, so I really can't tell you why she's still after you. All I can say is based IMHE and IMHO, and some added tips on what I found helpful, which I really hope gives you some peace of mind.

If you do a google search on "stalking about why" you might find something that will help you make sense of it all. A good T, should also really help out as well as help you learning what is a warning flag, so to speak.

So to sum it up the only thing I can say, is heal yourself, and learn to recognize the warning signs so you won't have another experience like this again.
All the best.