Sexual Jealousy, requesting assistance.

I have Aspergers and I've been recently having a problem with sexual jealousy. My friends and I have a friends with benefits relationship going on and there is this one friend (we will call him Joe) in particular who is quite attractive and great in bed. For some reason though when one of my other friends fools around with him I get very very very jealous, but at the same time I know it's just sex. I've been trying to understand how to deal with this and to not let it bother me because I'm not going to be able to have any kind of intimacy with Joe until I sort this out.

I hope this makes sense.

It makes sense, but I'm not sure how the Asperger's comes into it. From what you describe, this is a very common human experience. Is it possible for you to suggest an exclusive arrangement to Joe? Pair off, just the two of you?

I think trying to "get over" your jealousy might be very difficult, since it's basic human programming, particularly where sex is involved. If you can't alter the friends with benefits arrangement, it might be best to not be intimate with Joe for a while, and see how that goes. You could be upfront with him about why, he might be flattered that you felt that way about him, and should respect you for looking after yourself emotionally in this way.

Hello, thanks for the reply.

Well after a couple of weeks, I've been working to understand what is going on. I forgot to mention before that I have NVLD (Non-verbal Learning Disorder) so this is the start of the problems. What I'm looking for now is a way to control my emotion outbursts. When things occur between Joe and my friends I get very jealous and then my mind makes up things in my mind such as that I'm not wanted or that they don't like me anymore. These things are not true and I have frequently been told that.

What I'm basically asking is a way to control my emotions, for it is the only way I can continue to have any kind of friendship with Joe and my other friends. If they go back into the room to have fun I want to act like nothing is wrong with that and go about my day normally and when they are done I still have a smile and am friendly not a sulking child.

Any suggestions?

That sounds really normal actually. Perhaps if your friends would refrain from slipping off to the next room while you are there, I personally find that a little disrepectful, or perhaps they are young?

With the things/invasive thoughts, maybe it will help to mentally tell yourself when that happens again, "no" and stop the thought train, or perhaps reflect internally on why your friends behaviour would trigger this type of emotional reaction in you.

Rather than stewing there, why not go have some fun yourself? If you like animals, one of the best ways/tricks to meet people is by dog walking. Or if you have a special interest club nearby, go to that so you can have friends that you can talk with, hang out as a group, and have fun.

Well, it's not that they are being disrespectful, they close the door so that it is not in my face, and I have asked if they could refrain from having sex for a little while till I can get myself together. But that is not fair to them; it also would not help things getting back to normal as then they would basically have to walk on egg shells around me which is not right.

I've put together several ways to keep myself from becoming a emotional wreck when it does happen. One of them is distracting myself with something like a video game or the boat I am building. If that fails me then I will force myself to sit and think logically. I know this is basically everything everybody just said I'm just trying to put it in my own words I guess, sorry.

Well, it's not that they are being disrespectful, they close the door so that it is not in my face, and I have asked if they could refrain from having sex for a little while till I can get myself together

Ah, I see, so my old geezer colors are showing.

You are trying really hard to keep your jealousy under wraps, have you thought to use it as a tool to do something positive. So say your jealousy is a compass for your heart's desire, and use that energy behind your jealousy to find a GF for you rather than supress it. Like turn it into something positive, constructive, and use your creative abilities to meet girls...

Borg wrote:

Well, it's not that they are being disrespectful, they close the door so that it is not in my face, and I have asked if they could refrain from having sex for a little while till I can get myself together

Ah, I see, so my old geezer colors are showing.

You are trying really hard to keep your jealousy under wraps, have you thought to use it as a tool to do something positive. So say your jealousy is a compass for your heart's desire, and use that energy behind your jealousy to find a GF for you rather than supress it. Like turn it into something positive, constructive, and use your creative abilities to meet girls...

Well I'm gay for one thing .

I'm working on channeling it into something like my art.