No-one I've asked knows what I should do...

I suggest looking up information about the greiving process. When we loose anything in out lives there is a process we go throught to disconnect from it. You really don't have to just sit and wait for it to be over - you are and can be in control or your feelings and this whole process.

The Grieving Process:

1. Denial - "He'll come back to me", "He cannot leave"

2. Anger - "I cannot beleive he'd do this to me, I hate him"

3. Bargining - "We could be together if he'd only.....", "Maby if I stop ________ he'll love me again"

4. Depression (self explanatory)

5. Acceptance "We just wern't ment to be"

This is a completly normal and absolutly nessisary process. The best thing that you can do is accept the stages and set a time limit on how long your going to allow yourself to feel that way - then allow yourself to greive in that stage and move on.

I know how difficult it is, amazingly I was married to a man for 5 years who abused me in every way possible and it was still hard to walk away. After my divorce it took me about 6 months to go throught the process, but I now could not be happier.

I havn't really had a set time being in one of those...I've pretty much been in all but last, all of them being mixed up. Sometimes I think he'll come back (with good reason, because of whats been happeneing), sometimes i think 'how could he do that to me if he loved me?', sometimes I think to myself that I have to stop feeling like I need him, and need to stay away from him because thats what drove us apart before. And oother times I just feel depressed because of everything.

To be honest I don't think I'll ever make the last stage. Today we kissed for the first time since we broke up without being under the influence of anything. He told me he missed me. He just doesn't want to hurt his girlfriend, and doesn't understand that not telling her will still hurt her in the end because she's going to find out.

Though there are still huge doubts in my mind...but I just won't listen to them. I want to believe in him like I did before...everything was fine then, why can't it be like that now?

To be quite blunt obiously everthing was not fine then, or you would never have split up and it never will be "fine". It is your life and your going to live it how you choose, but really in all aspects this realationship is OVER and it needs to remain that way. The fact that he doesn't want to tell his girlfriens should just be a big red flashing sign that says "run" and don't be fooled by the "I don't want to hurt her" excuse. I can gaurentee it's not about hurting her - or you It's about him geting what he wants out of both of you. His logic is more like "oh, well - she's so much fun to be around and makes me feel like a king, but your so much better in bed" ergo if he doesn't tell her and convinces you to go along with it her can have his cake and eat it to. And trust me for you to even attempt to tell his girlfriend anything it will only be a waste of breath - he'll just go back and convince her that your a jelouse, psyco that wants him back so your making things up. Take it from some one who's been there - your wasting your time! You can go throught the pain now or you can go through twice as much later.

That IS one of the doubts in my mind....and the wayhe broke up with me and lied about things doesn't help either. But..I know he's changed, but I still hope some of what he was is still there. I guess I'll find out what will happen sooner or later, and right now I'm just going to enjoy myself and not think about him too much. I'm having fun the way I am right now and I'm not going to let him ruin that for me.

Still doesn't stop the way I feel about him though....