No-one I've asked knows what I should do...

Most of the population can't handle being in a relationship once they've been cheated on. Either they break up, or they say things are fine, and eventually they break up coz in truth they really couldn't handle it. Some people stick it out, only to become paranoid and suspicious. How can you trust someone who would cheat on you? I would certainly never trust you, and I don't even know you. I say don't tell because you've already DONE a terrible thing, and you'd make it worse. You aren't truly considering the feelings of your current boyfriend, or you NEVER WOULD HAVE CHEATED. You've already shown he's not that important to you. So why are you with him? It's completely unfair, you're being selfish. You might as well tell him and break up with him. It'll be better that way than a random breakup, he'll be able to be angry at you and get over you quicker.

And you DO think your ex still loves you. You want him to love you, you need to know that he broke your heart and regrets it so you can feel some sort of validation. Well, he's not a good person either coz first he broke your heart, then cheated on his new girlfriend, then starting messing in your life again. Maybe you guys really are made for each other.

It's going to be a long and painful process getting over him if you can't get away from him. Your friends should understand if you need space or can't hang out when your ex is there. And I'm sure the temptation, having already been fulfilled once, is more likely to happen again.

I think you need to face reality. I'd love to help and give advice, but you aren't thinking logically, and you aren't doing what is right.

I've already told my current, now ex boyfriend. turns out he was doing the same thing too. He couldn't have who he wanted, I couldn't have who i wanted.
Dependant personality....never considered it no. But I'll look into it.

Since I posted the last times i've become happier and have been thinking a lot better.

And i can't just leave ALL of my friends just to not be around him. I need my friends, they're all I have left.

I don't know what i think anymore. He says one thing, his actions mean another. he just confuses me all the time. I know I want him to love me.

I faced reality...and ran away from it. I'm sorry that you all think I'm heartless or something...but the way i feel about him took over my life. And people told me to move on, so I did.

How do I think logically?

I researched dependant personality....there are a few things, symptoms, but I'm not dependant...maybe I am..I guess I am...I'm just f**ked up in the head.

Well, I think you're doing better. Its a good thing you told your second bf about your first, and its a good thing you are single. You obviously have some stuff to work through and you can't do that in a relationship.

You aren't really facing reality. Not truly. In reality you should know he's not good for you, that he wouldn't do this to you if he loved you. You need to get over your ex. Easier said than done right? I'm sure it would be easier for the two of you to just get back together, but there are a lot of issues there. As in, he's not sure if he loves you, you've both dated someone else since, and both of of you cheated. Something changed because you broke up. Who says that problem will go away if you get back together?

I can only tell you what worked for me, and that was space away from my ex. I know I've talked about this book before, but it gives really good advice. A girlfriend of mine gave it to me when I was mid break up and really confused. It's called "He's just not that into you," and it talks about women and the way they react to being broken up with. Why on earth would you want to be with a guy who was an asshole to you, who left you for someone else, and yet told you he wanted you back? You deserve better. You need to forget him, and find someone who is perfect and wants you for you, not someone who will settle for you until he finds someone else.

I don't mean leave all your friends. You can have mutual friends and still stay away from him. That's what you need, space. Time to think about what you want. Take a few months away and if after, I dunno say 3 months, you still want him back, then go for it. But more than likely you'll come to your senses and move on.

Thank you. I do know he's not good for me, but all I can think about is the times when he was. He DID love me...why not now? Ok..maybe I don't know he's not good for me...I do know that he'd just hurt me again though....but the times he makes me happy makes it seem worth it.

What is the problem though? I don't know what it is, so I don't know how to solve it.

I'm still stuck in the frame of mind that tells me nobody will ever be as perfect as he was. Yes was, because i know he's not that person anymore. But still I hope that he's in there somewhere, and will come back again. I just need hope.

I don't know how to stay away from him without seeing my friends. I did do better today though...had an ordinary conversation with him, didn't look at him all through lunch, didnt get upset talking to my friend about him, and I didn't think about him as much.

But I still want him back....in 3 months he'll have changed some more, or even changed back..I don't know.....but I'll still be hoping that he will be that person that was perfect for me again, because that's all I want. Someone who will look after me and love me the way i love them.

Well, when my ex broke up with me I was the same way. I was devastated, and wanted him back so much, and still loved him. How could I get mad at him even though he broke up with me? We were so perfect together. I hung out with him, and talked to him on the phone. It became painful, and we drifted apart. I spent the summer hanging out with friends, friends that he lost.

Slowly I began to think about what I had given up for him. I was living with him, and my whole life was about him. We'd dated for like four years, and slowly I'd become a different person. I did nothing for myself anymore, I lived for him. And he certainly never brought me into consideration. There are so many instances where he was an asshole, but I was in love so I didn't think twice about it.

The more I thought about it the better I felt about the breakup. I'm back to being me, I can do what I want, go where I want, be friends with whomever I want. I have so much more fun without him. I do hate him a little bit, and I definitly don't want to be with him ever again.

My point is, I was where you are. I was confused, I was still in love, and I wanted him back. It took me awhile to get out of it, but I have, and I can see the truth now because I'm not in the middle of it. And I'm so much happier now. And you will be too. It just takes time, and I've always always HATED that saying "time heals all wounds" because there is NOTHING you can do but sit and wait. But it's SO true.

I feel for you. Just, try not to cheat, that's really really bad. Sorry I snapped in that one post, I just know that if someone cheated on me I'd be furious (another story for another time, but pretty positive my ex was cheating on me at the end).

I can't cheat, I have no-one to cheat on. And i didn't mean for it to happen. i tried to avoid it, I moved away slightly and I told myself it was wrong to even think about doing it, but then he did it..

Anyway, I already am happier. (Well...for now. My moods seem to change a lot and affects how I think about things). So why do i want him back, even though I know he's changed, he's not the same person, and he WILL hurt me again if we ever did get back together?

How long ago was your breakup? Does it upset you in anyway to talk about it now?

I think I might be scared of 'falling out of love' with him...I don't know why. I've just been talking to my friend and she says i havn't let go of him proporly yet. I know he's going to hurt me, I hate him for what he did, I'm happy as i am....but i still can't figure out why I still want to be with him. Am I just scared of change?

I'm very confused now...

Its not confusing that you still have feelings for him, it's perfectly natural! You can't just tell yourself, ok I'm not going to love him anymore and *snap* feelings are gone, lol. If it was that simple life would be a helluva lot easier.

You are still going to have good days and bad days. Sometimes you'll wake up crying and wish he would come back to you. Other days you'll wake up and just hate him and be so glad you are on your own. Sometimes you'll be in the middle.

My breakup was in May. I've been going through stages, and it's still weird. First I was still in love with him (well, if I believe in love, maybe I was just used to being with him). Then I was furious with him. Now I find mysef lately thinking about what it would be like if we meet up when I go home from school. Will I want to be his friend, or will I want to give him the cold shoulder? I'm still pretty angry with him. I can talk about it, I can say his name without referring to him as 'the asshole.' It's gotten easier.

My favourite part though is being single again. Almost all of my friends at school are guys, even my housemates. And it's fun to meet people and flirt, getting back into dating, that whole butterfly feeling. I was practically married, and my life was going nowhere. My ex was all about moving out of his parents house into a crappy aparment in his small town, working in the book industry. And me, I like to be more free, travel, go places, meet people. I'm not tied down anymore.

Even I'm not over my ex. I'm not in love with him, don't get me wrong, I just mean that it'll take awhile before I can hear his name and not have any emotional reaction (right now that reaction being anger, lol).

You don't have to make any decision now. Just give it some time, just wait. Everytime your mind starts overanalyzing everything, just tell it to shut up. Tell yourself to wait, and THEN make a decision when the storm has settled.

That seems a good idea...not having to think.

But the thing is, if it was just about me and him i'd find it easier. I sorted things out with my last boyfriend, and even though we've split up now I feel so much better that i've told him. But why can't he tell his girlfriend? Why can't he at least break up with her because he doesn't like her the same way he did before, never mind whats gone on between me and him? I don't want to see her get hurt, she's my friend. And she's so worried about all these different things....and I remember him doing the same thing to me, keeping things from me and leaving me to work it out for myself. I don't know how to explain to him that staying with her to keep her from hurt isn't going to work. grr.

^^that has nothing to do with me and him. More things have now happened. I like being single, you can flirt with who you want and things, as I kinda did. Last night there was another party with alcohol, and we kissed again, a lot, and more. And he finally said back to me that he loved me too. But the way he was acting towards me suggested he was 'only after one thing' as they say. Everytime he heard someone moving around he'd push me away and leave the room, like I wasn't even there. It's so frustrating.

And to make things even more confusing, I think he has very strong feelings for this guy (he's bi)...and something happened between them that upset him. And he won't tell me a thing. I don't kno wwhats going on! I know it sounds like it's really getting to me but thankfully it's not, I'm enjoying most of my life right now. I just don't want to see him, his girlfriend, or my mate get hurt. (we're all friends...which probably makes things worse as the group will probably spilt again if this ever get out into the open). i've told a few of my close friends already. i don't even know whyi'm typing this anymore...it's not bothering me all that much. It did at the time...but now it's next to nothing. Even hough it isn't..argh I'm confused.

Thank you for all your help btw, it is verymuch appreciated.