A difficult decision!

A friend of mine, Bill, put $500 into my car to allow me to see my daughter, whom, I haven't seen in almost four years.

Everything was set. The time and the place...a hotel? All on his account!

Yet, we have psych problems. I have an anxiety disorder and he has PTSD disorder with complications.

BY the time we went 160 miles, he began to have terrible symptoms of a disorder that has not been diagnosed fully...mostly because his health care is under veretan and not like Medicare and medicaid.

Basically, his cognative mind shuts down and is not kind to him. He alls it a "Brain Freeze"

For you...and I hate saying these words, for I can't explain it in a short story...he becomes a "zombie."

He can walk and move and say short words.

We were in the Aurura area and I was ready to see my daughter.

I was just an hour away from visitation, when he began to have the symptoms that could be disabling for him.

Without his cognative abilities... and, watching him close his eyes...changing TV channels and smoking five cigerettes with out finishing them...if I went to see my daughter and came back? What would be the concequence?

He could be confused and leave the hotel and, I'd never see him again...in a place he could could not know...for he was never familiar with the Chicago area!

I feel guilty in many ways...

Four years and a chance to see my daughter..and a man who had the potential to need to be baby sat to make sure he was all right.

My dicision:

I cancelled my visitation and took a greuling anxiety filled car ride 160 miles to put him to bed!

I called my daughter and she seems OK! She was upset after shcool to realize that I wasn't their...but talking to her and apologizing so much...she seemed to take it well.

Just an hour away..from seeing my bio-daughter and having the chance to make up so much lost social time...and, a man who I have helped out for so long and knew what he was capable of.

The dicision was already made! I can't turn back! I'm in pain...for trying to do two right things at th same time?

I don't know what to think?

I think you did the right thing. Your friend was in no condition to be left alone and even though you gave up something youve been waiting so long for, you did do the right thing and Im sure your daughter understands that.

Im sure you made her proud, if my dad did something like that (if he ever got off his ass and stoped drinking) I would be.

I am already planning another time, not far away to see my daughter.

Marraiges and fairytales can die!

One thing that has not been spoken? When I was married and knew my wife was pregnant, I was hoping for a daughter.

As the time came for birth...I challenged my mind and said to myself, "What if my child is a boy!"

My answer? I didn't even have to think about it! I would love him, too!

My wife...her first birth was so much on her. She wanted natural birth!

Yet, she couldn't eat! Being sick for so long and pushing for her business...she was wearing herself out and I couldn't stop it.

I tried.

When she was birthing...I was the one who helped her to the bathroom. I was there all the time for her.

My concern was weighing against her wishes...and, I was afraid...

Until a nurse finally spoke up and said.."You are having an Epotermal!"

When she came...Vicky threw us for a loop!

OK..two parents...dark haired and a blonde? OK what's going on...Oh...your grey haired Mom was blonde...I asked my Mom...Oh, you Dad blonde...but turned darker after WWII?

What...Genetics..25% chance?

That's special!

I was a frantic Dad..cause Mom needed stitches and Vicky was on her Tummy. Good, she needs to know her mom...this must be done...excellent!

[i]Now what are you doing...what are you doing with my child/our child...?

She was put under a heat lamp on a hard stainless steel surface. That's my child! What are doing. That's a...that's a heat lamp used in keeping MCDonald's Fries warm. (I worked in one.)

What is that? Don't do that! She was stuck by a finger prick to draw blood.

I hate those! Draw as much blood from me until I'm drained , not don't do that to my child! Now what are you doing? What are putting in her eyes...she's crying...don't do that!

After much crying and cleaning she was wrapped up in towels and stuff, crying her eyes out!

And, then they showed me how to hold her. She was in my arms...and...stopped cry...whow!

I think she liked my beard! I don't think she saw one before?

But, when I said, "Hello, Vicky!"

Blue eyes went giant as she heard my voice! And, she was puddle of happy contentment!

And me?

How can you explain Fatherly/Daughterly love at first site?

I brought her to her Mom...so quiet!

Time for me again..so quiet.

A nurse...Yelling and screaming!

To us...she was quiet.

Have you ever notived that your child cries in pattern that is unigue? I noticed that. she always cries in that same pattern!

Fascinating!

Now, she's 13 going on 18. Excellent!

Life is always cruel to everyone and my young lady is no exception to the rule. She must face it herself. No one can keep the world from her.

I know that and I have made myself very ready!

Everything on this site can happen to my daughter. So, realism is a fact of life.

If she ran up after a date, and closed her room door...this is what I would do!

I and my girl/new wife..or whoever? I'd be their and am on top of the situatuion. Worst fear. RAPE. I was raped. It happens.

You might own the home..but everything in it is sanctuary to her...form her stereo to the pictures on her wall. It's HER SPACE!

You must be invited in!

Knock Knock!

"Go away!"

Fine

Five minutes..Knock on the door. "I know something is wrong...you ran into your bedroom...can I come in?"

No answer. fine. IS she taking showers..a lot and silent with sobs?

Normal!

Where was I five minutes...four...then three....

"I know something happened and I want to help...I want to come in!"

I hope you Dad's have learned that kids don't grow up until after college and learn about growing before there ready...start at 12 years...Birds and bees and...details!

Remeber...you are showing life and what she needs to know...not...what she should do? She has mind of her own and intellect. Emotionally and wisdom...comes with age...that is where come in...and wisdom says?

"can I come in."

She opens the door. THANK her! Give a good check of her room. It will give you an idea what to do next.

You come as an invited guest and, she'll be so scared!

You know that. Don't push it! You are the Father/Father figure in her life! It's time to do what you do best. Be a father.

She is the most important thing in your life! Now...earn it!

She is so afraid of what you might think.

What you think is a beautiful young lady ready for world...and it's turned...

It's now that you say, "what ever happened we'll get through it together...when she admits rape...she's the victum! She's a patient..nurture her...show her how much a Dad can love...no anger..just concern...identifying pain...and realizing that..a simple fact?

Even girl's become women...they look for their Father's for love..even if they are one's who made mistakes. Mother's...don't suprised that your daughter find finds a man who has the same faults!

Do I know why..no. BUt, the best way is to find a good father figure who they can identify with and be nurtured.

That girl deserves everything in the world.

I guesss I'm partial to young ladies for I have daughter.

Is that wrong?

Think about it

Entangled

Im affraid your not making much sense. Im not really trained to handle this kind of thing, I would reccomend talking to a therapist or someone you deeply trust (Like your daughter). That would probably do you the most good.

I was summarizing my own love for my daughter:

1. From birth:
2. To now:
3. Into the future:

My I deas of other Mother's who are devorced with kids:

1. I would love them like a my own daughter
2. They have the right to have this.
3. Signs of problems to look for
4. Ideas of parenting in 2005.

Basically the commenting was going through my thoughts and grounding me to my own ideas...

...which might beneficial for some?

I was having no problem. Your second comment actuactly was all I needed to help me.

I don't understand why you think there is more to this problem?

Thats just the way it seems to me, I mean I cant really pin down anything specific, then again Im not TRAINED to.

I would strongly reccomend a good therapist and talking to people that you trust.

When you live on both sides of the tracks...a patient and a healthcare worker...you get a unique perspective.

Sometimes emotions just can't be put down cut and dried.

Most of the time they come out strange...for the person can't understand them either.

I spent a lot of my life trying to understand others.

If you can't understand yourself...you will make little sense, anyways.

(I write more poetically than straight prose.)