Narcissism? How did this happen to me and why?

Why are you attracted to unhealthy people?. Time to go single...

Greatexpectations nailed a key point, and it is true of almost any relationship with someone who has a cluster B disorder. Who they seem to be at first (and they can seem ideal) and who they reveal themselves to be over time can be radically different, and very confusing. It's one reason many people who end up in a relationship with someone who is a cluster B type ends up wanting to learn about the disorder, so that they can re-frame their memories in a new light. It can help to see "oh, that's why they did/said that!"

Accepting that he is an NPD type intellectually though, and accepting it emotionally and understanding that he may not be someone who can be helped (until/if he chooses it) takes time and is not easy At some point, when you're ready, and it may be a while, yes, you'll want to focus more on what's keeping you in the relationship and less on him.

Best wishes

Littleboylost her second post does clear things up. She isn't disturbed"mentally ill", she is just very damaged.
The typical family background where some members got very rough and nasty with various ones in pressured moments, though some good things and strengths overall with some members who who loved and praised others.

I'm guessing this as she is starting to sound like a clone of a woman I knew. She'd respond to reason when I could point out how unreasonable her expectations were of one guy and later that her incessant demands may provoke another man into killing her eventually.

This guy isn't into her, doesn't mind using her,but would be used to being the one who calls the shots.
She refuses to really accept she can't get him to feel loving passion for her with her or even loss, or missing her by having ended for now their relationship.
She's looks to be too preoccupied with him to be ready to let him go yet. She looks to be still desperate over needing to make him register her in some big way.

ASPs and NPDs are naturally indifferent after an initial chase and more so if they have some new prospects to play with. You can get force an ASP or NPD to give attention and react by pushing every button possible, threaten to intrude and ruin new options,threaten to invade and expose their private secret sides.

Since he is an ex con the price would be massive and beat hospitalisation. He won't risk simple assult and jail again. I've no idea how he'll take controll if she tries this, except it would be devestating as he doesn't seem to need her anymore.

Does any ASP or NPD agree/disagree with what I observed of some such guys when pushed? Or can guess what he might do if she tries this. Would this guy have picked up she thought she was a part winner in getting him to assult her since it nearly put him away? Or is too stupid to pick up on that?

eyeofthestorm wrote:ou can get force an ASP or NPD to give attention and react by pushing every button possible, threaten to intrude and ruin new options,threaten to invade and expose their private secret sides.

Does any ASP or NPD agree/disagree with what I observed of some such guys when pushed? Or can guess what he might do if she tries this. Would this guy have picked up she thought she was a part winner in getting him to assult her since it nearly put him away? Or is too stupid to pick up on that?

She would be 100% in the wrong if she "pushed" him in that way. I would get her to stop by targeting her children without hurting anyone. i wouldn't do anything crazy. I would use them strategically. If she's a normal mother who cares about their wellbeing, she'd chill out.