I have DPD.How can I make things easier on my husband?

Hello. I am a 27 year old mother to a 15 month old son.

I have been unofficially diagnosed with DPD. It is something I have been doing research on for years, and I have been SURE I have it for years as well.

I WANT help. I have tried, but it is difficult to get help. I know I NEED to do it for the sake of my son, and if there is ANY small chance I can save my marriage.

I can't afford a psychologist. But I was recommended to one by my family doctor (so it was covered by health care), who ultimately told me he is sure I do have DPD, even though an official diagnosis wasn't given. But he specializes in alcohol and drug dependencies, not DPD, and said he doesn't feel he can help me. He recommended I go to AA. I do drink quite a bit after my son goes to bed, so does my husband, but I have no problem to quit drinking. When I was pregnant, it was no problem to stop. When I go on a diet, I have no problem to stop. I think the amount I drink is a a side issue that comes about from my inability to deal with my problems. I don't believe it is a key thing that will resolve my problems.

My husband cheated on me while I was pregnant, and he doesn't want to be with me anymore, but due to our current situation he has to stay with me for the next year or so, so that he will be able to remain in the country with our son. I am taking advantage of the situation in a way, because I am hoping I will be able to get enough help to make a noticeable enough change that he will decide he wants to stay with me, and make a happy family for our son.

I NEED to get some help, and at least I want to find some info to show him that he is not the only one going through this situation with me.

I do love my husband very much, beyond my DPD, and I want to be able to make a happy family for my son with my husband. I want to get the help I need for myself, and so my actions don't affect my son.

It was hard enough to get a referral from my doctor to see someone, and after it didn't turn out, it was quite a blow. I don't even know if she can recommend me to another place or not. But I need to find someone who can focus on helping me deal with my DPD.

Can anyone who has a DPD husband or wife give me or my husband any advice on our situation?!? Is there anything I can help him that will help him understand a bit more why I am the way I am? I want him to give me a chance to work on myself, and then give US another chance, cuz besides my DPD, we actually make a really great couple.

On a side note, at the moment we are also living with my parents, which is nice for the help we have with our son, but also bad for me, cuz my mom does EVERYTHING for me, laundry, cleans our room, etc. she does this without even really giving me a chance to TRY and do things for myself. I appreciate her help, but its also not good for me! I've talked to her about it, but it doesn't change.

Please and thanks in advance.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this and that you are unable to get therapy at the moment. Is there any possibility that your doctor could arrange for you to see someone who specialises in your disorder?

It doesn't sound as if your mother is helping you to be more independent and it sounds as if you have a lot of difficulty in standing up to her. It may help if you can try to be assertive in smaller ways initially, and try to do things for yourself before she can get a chance to help. This may help you to develop the confidence to make bigger changes gradually, at a pace you are comfortable with.

Hi Masquerade. Thanks for the reply.

I am planning to ask my doctor again. Was supposed to go to a dr's appt today actually...but I missed it. I find it hard to ask things like that, takes me a lot to work up my nerve to ask in the 1st place, so it's really fustrating to be met with dead ends all the time.

I saw a psychologist for a short time after my pregnancy too, for postpartum depression. But since I don't actually have POSTPARTUM depression, that was also a no go. He basically told me if I don't kick my husband out, nothing will get better for me. But that isn't something that we can do at the moment. As mentioned, we actually HAVE to stay together for now, so that he will be allowed to stay in the country and be with his son.

I believe both my parents really want to be supportive. But I do have a hard time standing up for myself with pretty much everyone. I also have a really hard time to make myself do things (like simple household chores), so no matter how much I WANT to and PLAN to get things done, I never quite accomplish all that much. :S

I appreciate your input and feedback!!

I'm sorry to hear that these things are a struggle for you. Perhaps if you could start on the really small things first, without pushing yourself too hard, it might be a little easier for you? Perhaps you could begin with the household chores by doing something as simple as making a coffee for yourself, and rewarding yourself with something that you like every time you achieve something. It's easier sometimes if you can break things into smaller segments, rather than try to tackle too much, too soon.

I really hope that you can make the appointment with the doctor, as this could really help you and could be an important first step for you.

The fact that you have posted on here was really brave, and it shows that a small part of you knows that you are potentially a lot stronger than you realise.