The 7 Stages of Grief after the end of a relationship

I'm sure your both right but at the moment i can't see that, i'm sill to hurt and want him back to think anything else. It's the most painful thing i've ever been through and i'm just going through the motions day by day for my children, i keep being told that i will get there in the end, just hope everyone's right.

Just got dumped unexpectedly last night and feeling the backlash today. I think I'm in the disbelief and sadness stage right now. I'm sure anger is on the way, but it just HURTS.

The funny thing is, sometimes we know somewhere deep down that the break up probably is the best thing in the long run, but in the thick of the battle, it doesn't feel very good.

So... I'm initiating the No Contact Rule... for myself. Judging from last night's conversation, I don't think no contact is going to affect my guy very much (much to my dismay), but I have learned that begging and pleading and cyber stalking is NOT the way to handle things.

So... how do I make myself feel better (well, as good as I can feel considering the circumstances)?

1) I congratulate myself on my STRENGTH during the entire process. There was no major emotional breakdown (well, not to him... my bestie saw me sobbing on the floor). Rather, silent tears of pain and acceptance. I recognized that his decision was made when he walked through the door, and no emotional outbursts on my part would change his decision ( I think the tears he shed were more from guilt from hurting my feelings than actually experiencing loss-- this was HIS idea, not mine).

2) I accept my feelings. I give myself permission to hop on the emotional roller coaster that is waiting on me. It's OK to cry (I've excused myself several times at work today to let loose). It's OK to be mad... Just FEEL it. Things will get easier.

3) I expect it to get worse before it gets better. Of course, right now there's a part of me secretly hoping he will show up on my doorstep with flowers and a tearful apology, but... probably not. I also hope that all of his family and friends that LOVE me so much will remind him of what a BONEHEAD move this is, but in the end I know that I can expect to just feel awful for a while. It's OK.

Finally, I constantly remind myself that no contact is about ME (that message hasn't reached my heart yet) and be prepared to accept that he may not come back -- or NEED to for that matter.

Sigh... this is so hard.

ZenZeta

How long have you been together?

You seem to be very level headed about this situation (although you are hurt).

It's been a while in my situation and i thought i was getting there but i'm not really, it still hurts (although i still want him back, i'm still in love with him, he's my best friend although he told me to find another one and i can't get him out of my head!)

It's hard as i have to been in contact as we have 2 children (although not every day like before!!!)

It's so sad what your going through

(although not every day like before!!!)

Clairl79
I have been wondering how you are doing.....

ZenZeta, you seem to have a plan and the strength to see it through!
I wish you good luck and happiness....

Hi Turts

Sorry i've had lots on etc.
Urm not good still if i was honest although i've been getting there(but last night and today has not been good), i started to get some control back but yesterday someone has stuck their nose in and could have the potential to take it away, i've come at things from a different view e.g it's my life, i'm an adult, the only people that can do anything about anything (the kids etc) is me and my husband and no one can tell me what to do as it's up to me. I'm not sure if this is good or not but others have noticed a difference in me since i've been thinking like this (and plus i feel better cause of the control). If it hasn't made any difference (to my control) then i'll be back to being happy but at the moment (well for the next week anyway) i don't know, i'm just in limbo . I'm still confused about certain things but that's never going to change but we keep talking (about lots of things) and that's good (i believe in talking lots), i still believe that he is my soul mate and everything will turn out for the best (i think he does as well?) in the end. (i might be heading for a massive fall again) But that's it really at the moment, still going in circles in my head but i do feel stronger (ish) and the people i'm talking to are helping loads and a few surprises from people as well

How are you now since everything?

-- Tue Aug 12, 2014 6:49 pm --

Hi Turts

Sorry i've had lots on etc.
Urm not good still if i was honest although i've been getting there(but last night and today has not been good), i started to get some control back but yesterday someone has stuck their nose in and could have the potential to take it away, i've come at things from a different view e.g it's my life, i'm an adult, the only people that can do anything about anything (the kids etc) is me and my husband and no one can tell me what to do as it's up to me. I'm not sure if this is good or not but others have noticed a difference in me since i've been thinking like this (and plus i feel better cause of the control). If it hasn't made any difference (to my control) then i'll be back to being happy but at the moment (well for the next week anyway) i don't know, i'm just in limbo . I'm still confused about certain things but that's never going to change but we keep talking (about lots of things) and that's good (i believe in talking lots), i still believe that he is my soul mate and everything will turn out for the best (i think he does as well?) in the end. (i might be heading for a massive fall again) But that's it really at the moment, still going in circles in my head but i do feel stronger (ish) and the people i'm talking to are helping loads and a few surprises from people as well

How are you now since everything?

i've come at things from a different view e.g it's my life, i'm an adult,

Very good, YOU are driving the bus..........
Remember that.
Living in limbo has to be the hardest thing a grown up can do... I swear!
Have you two spent time in a counselors office yet?

I was driving the bus but i've stopped at the moment and people are trying to get off and i don't want them to and i'm trying to remember that but it is so bloody hard
I hate limbo land, it's not nice and flaming lonely and i keep having these really horrible paranoid moments and my tummy just flips over and over again and he's not helping with that!!!!!
I haven't been yet but i have an appointment for 20th but that's in a group situation as there's a waiting list for one 2 ones but that's a start

How's you?

I understand your pains, truly I do. There needs to come a time when you have to be greedy and choose your own health and well being over everything else.
Maybe good things come to those who wait but if the wait is causing you harm, you might need to re-evaluate.

I am well. Realizing that moving on opens one up to the healing process was a blessing to me.
Of course there are still so many emotions to deal with.... and I will. One at a time!

Here are two of my most favorite quotes at the moment that help me in moments of need.

"If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present."

"Love comes to those who still hope after disappointment, who still believe after betrayal and who still love after being hurt."

Turts

I hear what your saying and i'm getting there slowly as people have noticed a change in me, which is good and i do believe that good things come to those how wait.
Yes i have bad days but i'm also having good ones (which in i never thought i'd have again!)

I'm glad your well and things are on the up for you and the emotions my god it's like a flaming roller coaster (and i have to deal with my children's sometimes as well! )

I love your quotes

I don't feel depressed i feel down so if that's the same then i have to stop and look to the future, i have paranoid states so is that the same as anxious as i'm looking but not living in the future? And i'm nowhere near peace (unless i'm cuddling my children and i forget for a split second!)

I have plenty of hope and i do believe that you can still love again if you want (with the right people?)

Your good at quotes, where do you get them from?

Soon the good days will out weigh the bad days, I didn't think so but I am living proof!!

My quotes? mostly from Facebook. I was sad when I checked and I never had anything new on my Facebook. I liked many many different pages and now I have so much to read, absorb and put into practice, its almost overwhelming!

Elephant Love, Loneliness, Dating and Relationships is one of my favorites, along with Psychology Today.

Here is another quote I have taken to heart.
"You can chase happiness or choose happiness...
It all depends on how much time you want to save!"

Be well, and keep coming back here. It helps so much just to get things off your chest!!

Turts