The 7 Stages of Grief after the end of a relationship

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds as if you're taking your break up particularly badly, beyond the normal stages of grief after the end of a relationship. It's very important that you don't keep these feelings to yourself and seek the right kind of help for yourself in the 3D world. Please speak to your doctor and tell him or her exactly how you feel. If you feel really bad please call a suicide help line or take yourself to your nearest hospital.

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In two days it will be a year since my fiance left me. I keep swinging from anger to deep depression. Some days I feel nothing at all. I have no more hope for the future or desire to keep living. I can't afford counseling and my family has reached the point of "get over it already". I lost all my friends in the breakup so I can't even talk to anyone or cry on anyone's shoulders. My heart is so broken. For some evil reason I keep seeing how happy he is on facebook (I blocked him but facebook is evil and still shows photo's on mutual friends' timelines) He moved in with his skinny, blonde new girlfriend only two weeks after he broke up last year. In the five years we were together he never once talked about moving in, buying a house, planning a future and yet he committed to this new girlfriend instantly - was I worth so little? I gave my soul to him. No man will ever want me now and he just carries on with his life after destroying my hopes, dreams and future. It is so unfair. I feel so lost. I just want to die and be rid of this pain.

Thexena wrote:In two days it will be a year since my fiance left me. I keep swinging from anger to deep depression. Some days I feel nothing at all. I have no more hope for the future or desire to keep living. I can't afford counseling and my family has reached the point of "get over it already". I lost all my friends in the breakup so I can't even talk to anyone or cry on anyone's shoulders. My heart is so broken. For some evil reason I keep seeing how happy he is on facebook (I blocked him but facebook is evil and still shows photo's on mutual friends' timelines) He moved in with his skinny, blonde new girlfriend only two weeks after he broke up last year. In the five years we were together he never once talked about moving in, buying a house, planning a future and yet he committed to this new girlfriend instantly - was I worth so little? I gave my soul to him. No man will ever want me now and he just carries on with his life after destroying my hopes, dreams and future. It is so unfair. I feel so lost. I just want to die and be rid of this pain.

Hi, im sorry you're in so much pain. but i want to say, you deserve so much better than him, trust me, i know its easy for me to say, but once u move on, u'll realize its the best decision. the point is

'' he lose someone who loves him so much, and you only lose someone who doesn't love you ''

karma does exist. and everything happens for a reason. someday u'll be able to get rid of your pain, but the first thing you have to do is ''accepting'' and then ''changing''. changing means, you also open your heart for someone (example),but the most important thing, you should let your ex-boyfriend see your laughter, tht u also can be happy without him.

Does this occur with arguments as well though?

Especially stages like bargaining, where I feel like I really could do things differently.

And what if the issues are never really talked over? Never really resolved? Is this Denial because I do want her back and I wish we could at least try to talk these things over some more before a break up is really decided.

I understand that she's her own person and she makes her own decisions too, but as far as the circumstances for my relationship go (which, I think are complex, and possibly triggering too because of her MH issues), they seemed so surreal that, well, I feel like even rationally, I find it hard to accept. It's almost like a mystery to me that our relationship has apparently ended.

We didn't even have many arguments before this one (some of them, she believed were, in fact, caused by her MH issues and we both got over them relatively easily), and it seems like this one argument she had with me was just the first and final straw for her, despite the fact that we didn't even talk about them much except for me writing a long email to her (before she told me to assume we had broken up), apologizing profusely and begging for her forgiveness and another chance.

Another question is, what if the person, like my girlfriend, initiating the break up feels grief too? What if she thinks "it's for the best" because she honestly feels like she isn't good enough for me and feels like she burdens me? And what if I insist that isn't the case? Then, to resolve the pain for both of us, isn't it just easiest if she takes me back, or allows herself to take me back? To absolve herself of this guilt..?

Anise,

I was also not good enough for my ex so I know how she feels. If you read the very first post again I think Masquerade says that a person goes through the grief of an ended relationship even if they are the ones that broke the relationship. Now, this isn't true for everybody but she already sees the relationship as dead in her mind and she can't bring it back to what it was that is why she is determined to just leave it dead and grieve over it properly.

I agree that there are 7 stages of Grief and that is not just for relationships, it is for any loss. I believe that the longer the relationship, the longer it takes to grieve the loss. I loss a marriage of over 20 years due to my impulsive actions of my Bipolar Disorder. In doing that I rebounded directly into a new relationship. That new relationship lasted about 5 years. I just ended that relationship because it was not healthy for me mentally. So here I am now grieving the loss of 2 relationships.

My point here is take the time to fully grieve the loss of a past relationship before starting another one. Don't take your baggage from 1 into the other. Your new partner doesn't deserve it & neither do you. Be Well!

I feel like in fluctuating between all of them. Sometimes I can hold it together & be perfectly fine , but days like today. I can't do anything without breaking down and crying. I think it happens mostly whenever we talk or text now, because I wanna be mature about it and still be friends. I'm more sad over the loss of the friendship than I am the romantic part or anything. I mean he was my only real true friend. Every one either slowly abandoned me or I them. But exactly this relationship motivated me to want to do better & have a future, which I didn't before. I was an even bigger mess before. I tried talking to my old friends after, & they responded as expected with the cliché " oh you'll get through this you were too good for him anyway." And it's like no. You don't even have any idea how freaking wonderful it was, if there is a such thing as a soul mate or perfect match this was it.
The worst thing is though as I mentioned before now my hope & motivation & even desire for anyone else is totally gone. just. gone. Before I was really depressed, I even considered killing myself. But not once when we were together. And now that it's done the thoughts are back. I mean I know I most likely won't act on it but the thoughts alone are enough to make me feel like I'm losing my mind . & I don't want people to think I'm just some naïve young girl who can't handle a breakup.
Understand, he was seriously the only person that had my back the way I felt it needed to be had. My entire support system is gone now. I have no one, which is why I'm here. -_____- /:

I have been in a complicated relationship for 13 years. We love each other,or I believe we do. We recently broke up, for the hundredth time and this time it really feels like the final time. He is distant and has been out with another woman but tells me he hasn't done anything yet to cross a line and doesn't want to get into a relationship but she does, I am not sure if I believe him or not. This has put me back in the denial stage and the bargaining stage and I really hate myself in this stage. He sends me emails telling me how much he misses me and his heart aches, he wakes up loving me and is working his way back to me but needs to find himself and hopes that I am around when he finally does. I get that he has a lot of stress going on right now but this is so confusing and delays the healing. I threw out one last bone to see if he would go to counseling because we can't fix this our self. My whole body hurts and I feel so desperate. I think I am in the hopeless stage. I wish there was a magic wand and it would all get better or just go away; one or the other.

A wise person told me this week that I am only missing the person I created in my mind; someone that I really want him to be and who he really wasn't. I am living in fear and have no reason to. I have tons of friends that have supported me through thick and thin, a great family support that love me no matter what and a list of great life opportunities waiting for me out there but i sit at home and cry over man that doesn't want to be with me. he is the one with very few friends and no family and has to deal with this on his own.
I believe I have had a light bulb moment and just realized that what we did to each other are going to be great learning experiences that we can take with us to live our lives in a more healthy relationship with someone else. I know these are just words but I have spent too much time mopping around feeling sorry myself when I have so much to be happy for.
Tomorrow is a new day and I am going to cease it! Wish me luck.