Need help ending an emotionally manipulative relationship.

You said "And yes, I do feel like I'm in a corner. I feel responsible for his pain. I feel like if I decide to stay I will bring all his happiness back, but deciding to leave is crushing his world. (These are the things he's told me). It's hard for me to be selfish and put myself first. I CONSTANTLY have to remind myself that I'm doing the right thing and to push the guilt away. His constant texts, emails and voicemails make that hard...he lays it on very thick."

It's late where I live now, hun, so I'm logging off to go to bed, but will reply properly tomorrow. One thing I will say is that you are NOT responsible for his emotions.

Hi brandgirl;
I was just like you.

Three year relationship, two of those married. I Lost myself doing everything for my husband who suffers from BPD. Yes, it was not his fault that he suffers so, and yes I am the co-dependant, but each of us were adults. Each of us had to take responsibility for our actions.

I chose to go into therapy, he did not.
We have now been separated almost four months.

Ask yourself this…. Do you want to be RESPONSIBALE for him for the rest of your life?
I do hear you, I do KNOW the love you have for him…but was that love for who he is now, or for the man he once was?

You can not fix him, only he can do that.
What you can do is fix yourself.
40... You are just a puppy, I will be 47 this year, and yes it is frightening thinking that you will be alone, I think this all the time. But you know what, I would rather be alone than live the life I was living….. No, I will rephrase that because I was not living…. I was maintaining….

Yes it hurts, hurts like heck. The what was, the what could have been…
As for the love, I loved who my husband was, not who he became. I have taken that love and locked it away in a special place in my heart where it will reside until my last day. If by chance, years from now, we should meet again I can hold my head up high and say that I TRIED, I got help for my own issues.
If he gets help, then great… but if not then that was his own choice. Truly I hope he does , for I know his life will never change, the pattern will repeat…..

For myself….. I just had to let go….

I just found this forum, and it was so helpful to me. I ended my emotionally abusive relationship with my boyfriend of 6 months just two days ago. We met and almost right away he told me he loved me, wanted to marry me, have kids with me. I was just coming out of a divorce where my ex husband cheated on me. I was very vulnerable. I loved all of this attention. He called me 20 times a day, wanted to spend all of his time with me. I didn't want him to introduce him to my kids, but he forced himself into it. He bought me expensive things and made me feel so important and special. But at the same time, he put me down a lot too. Not directly, but in a way that still made me feel like I was never good enough.

All of his life stories seem so far fetched. I do not want to repeat them on here, but BELIEVE me, they were almost impossible to believe. Everytime I caught him in a lie about his life, he made up some crazy story to cover it up and explain why. I never trusted him from the beginning and after 3 months I finally tried to leave him. He begged me. He pleaded. He said he would change. I took him back. He did change. For a while.

He is so sweet to me most of the time. But he is constantly calling, and if I don't answer, he freaks out. He shows up at my house unexpected (he lived 1.5 hours away) several times a week. He tells me he has my phone hacked so he can see everything I text etc. Same thing with my computer. (I dont think this is true, I think he is just manipulating me.) He is always telling me little lies to freak me out. Like, he will take 10 minutes telling me he used to have a drug addiction and then once I'm thoroughly horrified, he will start cracking up laughing that I actually believe him.

My family and friends HATE him. They are scared of him. They always beg me to leave him.

He was recently arrested for soliciting a prostitute. Of course that's not why he told me he got arrested. But I caught him in a lie. I dont understand though, I have sex with him ALL the time, our sex is GREAT. Why would it make sense that he went to a prostitute?? He is such a CLEAN person. I broke up with him, got tested, sought a therapist, and reconnected with a bunch of friends and family for support.

I have been without him for 2 days. He keeps calling me like crazy. I am trying so hard to ignore him. Last night I gave in and spoke with him for 2 hours. He begged me and cried. He NEVER cries, he is so tough and arrogant. He says he NEVER would lie to me or hurt me. He loves me so much. It just looks bad, just stay with him and he will make me happy. I'm so lonely. I never dealt with my husband cheating on me, and I have to deal with this.

He is SO convincing. I know what is right and I need to stay away from him. When I talk to him, he can convince me of anything. Even though I know it's wrong. I am not a stupid person, but manipulative people are so hard to deal with. I never thought I would be this kind of woman to get messed up in this kind of situation.

I'm trying.

I hope you are doing well without your boyfriend. Are you doing ok? How are you? I know it's been a while since you've been on here, but it was so helpful to read this forum. I wish you the BEST of luck.

I have tried 2 other times, but he always talks me out of it. Everytime it happens my family

I am in a similar situation where as my partner is a an emotional manupulator. I have figured this and tried a dozen ways to end this toxic relationship but fail as I keep falling for his emotional games over and over again.

What I did figure out is this , he wants to be with me for certain reasons . So this is a sort of stretergy I have managed to play along with him and I do see that it is working out .

It may sound strange but since I figured that he is with me for financial security and sees me as the provider which inturn makes him lazy to provide I have used that to play with his insecurities. I tell him that at the moment I am facing difiiculties in my job and may be laid of soon . Now I will have to go live with family memebers who will help me support me and my kids .

After breaking this news , I saw that he started to respond and he himself even suggested to back off and allowed me to sort myself out.

Hi there
I have been with my partner for 4 and a half years I absolutely adore him but I'm so concerned that he may be a manipulator.the problem is he is great for several months really loving then explodes over a conversation he doesn't like.and threatens our relationship,he never has anything nice to say about me and pulls me on most things for example he says things like your tired because you eat to fast, don't chew your food so takes your body longer to digest making you tired, just because I said I'm always tired at the moment. Just little digs like this all the time.He never discusses holidays, the future, and always refers to everything as "when I this or I'm going to do that not saying we as he knows it upsets me I'm afraid too , to end this as I've no where to go..no support and so afraid of feeling like a loser at 50 years of age...what do you all think ?