One love

Hey, the longest I have been in a relationship is 9 months. I'm still just 22 though.


And it is not wrong of you to have fantasies about other men - Not wrong at all. Do not worry about that, just dismiss the guilty thought as irrelevant when it enters your head.

nadine wrote:that's what i meant by it's not all that simple. for instance you can love and care for each other deeply but your aspirations, your goals in life might be off which makes planning for the future challenging.

That's the way I am with my ex-girlfriend. We are very fond of each other but it's not the right time right now because we have different goals in life. Where is your boyfriend from?

he's american, and i'm not really into spending the rest of my life in the u.s.....i simply like europe better, i'm really only moving there for him.
it's strange...even though these doubts about marrying him pop up now and then and distress me, my inner voice tells me "you have to do it...it'll be o.k". so i was actually the first to bring it up and i feel much better, i feel less and less depressed each day. and my boyfriend has never pressured me, or has been possessive. i guess what i feared that maybe once we are married that this would somehow change which is nonsense because he always gave me a lot of freedom.

when you talk about your situation with your ex it sounds like you hope that you will get together again in the future?
but it's admirable that you respect each other's goals and can let each other go although you have strong feelings for each other. i don't think i could do it with such grace as you can apparently.

nadine wrote:but it's admirable that you respect each other's goals and can let each other go although you have strong feelings for each other. i don't think i could do it with such grace as you can apparently.

sorry, i realized this is kind of clumsy...i don't know what's going on in your life and i don't know how you are dealing with things like that.

nadine wrote:sorry, i realized this is kind of clumsy...i don't know what's going on in your life and i don't know how you are dealing with things like that.

I was not offended by your words - Don't worry *hug*


Are you definately going to marry him? Anyway, It's great that you discussed your thoughts to him. If you aren't able to talk to him about your problems then something would be wrong. I talk to my ex-girlfriend about everything and she is the same. You are right though - I would love for her and I to be together for I love her so much. However, conditions just are not suitbal for us to be together right now.

yeah, i'll marry him.
it's like you said earlier, was it this thread or another...anyway, you have built your life around that person and formed an attachment. he really was the center of my life. i say "was" deliberately because looking back in some cases it wasn't all that healthy. for instance i could only do things if he was with me, like going out with people...only when he went along i'd feel comfortable. i almost broke up with him because i thought only if i do that i would become more independent, i felt like my attachment to him made me very weak. well, it's not him or the relationship that was my problem, it's something in me that has to change. so now i think it's good that our relationship will enter a new level. we had a good relationship even though i was depressed, so things can only get better....

so you are still in contact with your ex? do you live and study (you're a student, right?) in different places that prevent you from being together? sorry, i shouldn't be so nosy, i just feel sad for you and trying to understand....*Hug* (but i understand if you ignore these questions)

I still love a lot of people and sometimes love humanity in general but I have never been in love like I was with my ex boyfreind. When I met and married my current husband I loved him ( still do of course ) but it wasnt so deep that I lost myself and spent my hours away from him just wanting to be near him. In fact I really dont want to be in love like that again. For me when it ended it was too disruptive to my life and my emotions. This is a more mellow kind of love and that it OK by me.

nadine wrote:yeah, i'll marry him.
it's like you said earlier, was it this thread or another...anyway, you have built your life around that person and formed an attachment. he really was the center of my life. i say "was" deliberately because looking back in some cases it wasn't all that healthy. for instance i could only do things if he was with me...

so you are still in contact with your ex? do you live and study (you're a student, right?) in different places that prevent you from being together?

Hey, yeh I mentioned that in the 'defining love' thread or whatever it was called!

You're happy about marrying him? It's a tough choice and one I have never been faced with. But, another way to look at it would be to say that it isn't a tough choice. I can imagine my future partner/wife being the person that I love coming home to. Like, I have my own separate life with my friends, and she has her life with her friends. But then, I need that something different to come home to - And that something different is my wife. Opposites attract, as they say.


I'm still in contact with my ex but it's getting very messy at the moment...We live about 50 kilometres from each other but when I'm in college that shoots right up to 100 kilometres. To get to her house requires a journey into Dublin by bus and then another city bus to her house on the northern outskirts. At most that could take 3 hours!

Chucky wrote: It's a tough choice and one I have never been faced with.

hehe...you're only 22 after all..?


i don't really trust my feelings right now....they are up and down at the moment...one day i'm filled with happiness, last night i woke up in anxiety. in general i do feel optimistic.

i liked how you described what it means for you to be in a marriage, it's a healthy attitude and i share it. i'm usually a bit weary when someone says opposites attract because i see it with my parents who are opposites and they have problems. i think as long as you have some overlapping interests with your partner then the difference in personality doesn't matter so much. what kind of characteristics do you think would complement you?

nadine wrote: i'm usually a bit weary when someone says opposites attract because i see it with my parents who are opposites and they have problems. i think as long as you have some overlapping interests with your partner then the difference in personality doesn't matter so much.

That completes it - A mixture between common interests an uncommon interests. Perhaps too much of either will result in a boring or bitter life. There are obvious exceptions and to define how a marriage would work is impossible.

nadine wrote:what kind of characteristics do you think would complement you?

Do you mean what type of characteristics in a girl would complement me? Most importantly, she needs to be talkative to make up for how little I talk. My previous girlfriends have all been talkative. They get to say everything they want with me. The fact that I am a good listener is a bonus. That is the main characteristic. I would like her to have an interest in keeping fit, like I do. Jogging after work with my wife would be the highlight of my day... ...or perhaps her falling asleep in my arms would be better.


What is your partner like? Is it mostly opposite interests?

Chucky wrote: Jogging after work with my wife would be the highlight of my day... ...or perhaps her falling asleep in my arms would be better.

hehe...that's sweet
sleeping in someone's arms is so nice at the beginning of a relationship, you feel like it will always be that way. now as soon as his head hits the pillow he snores and i stay up to read for another hour or so...hehe. (we sound like an old couple but actually we both look like we could still be in college)

well, it sounds like you know who is good for you....just keep an open mind, great things happen when you least expect them. and it's great you consider yourself a good listener, i take it that you care very much about what goes on in her life... it makes women feel like you can protect them. with women being more empowered now i think men still like to feel as if they are being needed, do you feel this way?

my partner and i actually have a lot of similar interests but our personality is different. he is very cheerful, likes to talk, but at the same time he is sort of calm and composed whereas i'm more of a worrier and my mood tends to be up and down (hormones i guess). i do like to talk too, i just need to warm up and him being very patient with me is a big plus. i don't like being around loud, self-centered people too much, i feel my energy going down the drain.