One love

When my ex broke up with me, I talked it over a lot with two close friends. They seemed to think that you only get one shot. You have this big serious relationship that changes your life, you are so in love with this one person, and when it ends you are so crushed and broken that you never really get over it, and can never really have that with anyone else.

I don't know if I agree. I may have loved my ex before, but I certainly don't anymore. I think it's a matter of being so inexperienced with something so.... overwhelming, that you don't see what's coming.

I agree with them partly. I know I'll never trust someone that much again, I'll always be on guard, even if its just a quiet little voice in the back of my mind saying 'watch out, things could fall apart any day now.' But I don't think it's coz that one guy was so amazing. I think it was because I was naive.

I know this has been done a million times (Sex and the City anyone?) but what are your thoughts? One love in life? Many? And what makes that one so great?

Hey Azzie. Just a quick comment. I have a strong belief that every living thing in this world enters your life in order to teach you things. And if you don't learn the lessons from that person/animal etc, then another similar one will come along until you learn the lesson.

As for relationships. Whenever I'm feeling sad about guys I've broken up with and/or the lack of love in my life, I either mentally or physically construct a list. And on this list I put all the things I want in a partner.

I find this enlightening as it makes me remember all the reasons why my ex's weren't good enough for me, and makes me relax in the whole process of life, coz I know then what I'm looking for. And I refuse to settle for anything less, because this isn't fair on anyone.

I know from reading some of your previous posts, that it's gonna take a VERY special guy to complement an amazing individual such as yourself.

I also like to ask myself; if my soul-mate were to walk into my life right now, would I be ready for them?

Oops, sorry! So much for a 'quick comment'!!!

Luv U-Light. OXOXO.

Astra wrote:what are your thoughts? One love in life? Many? And what makes that one so great?

One love in life? - I tend to think not. I believe that a person can love a few people at the same time, and many at different times in their life. I have an odd view on what 'love' is. I don't generally like to define any one emotion - How can we with simple language? For me, love is an attachment to a person and the time you spend with that person are happy times. I don't think there is any particular emotion called 'love'.


Like, in my view I have loved all three of my ex-girlfriends and because it was only two months since we broke up, I still love my last girlfriend. I also love my friends and my family in the same way, minus the intimacy.

UnfocussedLight wrote:As for relationships. Whenever I'm feeling sad about guys I've broken up with and/or the lack of love in my life, I either mentally or physically construct a list. And on this list I put all the things I want in a partner.

I find this enlightening as it makes me remember all the reasons why my ex's weren't good enough for me, and makes me relax in the whole process of life, coz I know then what I'm looking for. And I refuse to settle for anything less, because this isn't fair on anyone.

OMG, I do the EXACT same thing! Its good, I don't get depressed about him, I get excited about what's to come. Like maybe I'll find someone who is everthing that my ex wasn't, fill up all those negative spaces. And that is really exciting.

Chucky wrote:I don't think there is any particular emotion called 'love'.

Once again, I feel the same. Wow, you guys really are kindred spirits. I've said the words before, I love you, but I've never really believed them. I believe in love for my family, but it's a blood bond. Besides, I don't think you can feel love. Not like you feel anger, or sadness. You might feel loss when the person you thought you loved goes away, but that isn't love. I think it's a #######4 emotion that some sappy poet made up.

Bitter perhaps, or maybe I'm just a realist?

Chucky wrote: For me, love is an attachment to a person and the time you spend with that person are happy times. I don't think there is any particular emotion called 'love'.

i like the simplicity in this idea.
we tend to categorize, compare and quantify our feelings towards someone else. we say things like "i love him like my brother" or "i will never love tom as much as i loved jim". how about "i love him/her because he/she IS"?

i don't know...sometimes i feel like there is a particular emotion that is love and it strikes me unexpectedly most of the times in banal, everyday situations...like the way my boyfriend stretches and yawns in the morning....how somebody's eyes lit up when i asked him if he likes to watch the tour de france on tv, when my dad's nose gets runny when it's cold and he doesn't notice...how every time the store clerk makes a joke and then hands me the change with fluttering eyelids...when my friend is running late and apologizes with crooked glasses and dishelved hair....

you can call me sappy and sentimental, that's fine by me.

^^ That sounds so perfect.

Maybe love shouldn't even have a name. It should just be all those things. You can't just stick them all together under one title.

It wasn't sappy. It reminded me of a lot of similar things. Put a smile on my face too, thanks!

Astra wrote:It wasn't sappy. It reminded me of a lot of similar things. Put a smile on my face too, thanks!

that's great! what are the things that people (or animals) do that make you get this warm feeling?

back to your original question...i used to believe that there is only one soulmate for everybody and one chance to make it work if you find that person at all, such a depressing and fatalistic thought!
now i believe that there are a lot of potential soulmates out there (i don't even like that word anymore) and they don't have to be lovers they can be friends or fleeting acquaintences.
this all sounds easy (and it really is) if it weren't for emotions....reason tells me that things will go on and i will meet somebody else if things wouldn't work out anymore between my boyfriend and i but emotionally i would be devastated and think i will never meet somebody else.

Hey, I'm kind of surprised - I thought my post would cause some controversy by upsetting a few people. I didn't think there were other people who could actually see my point of view on love. I aired it to a friend of mine recently and was quickly told to shut-up!


Nadine, you said:
"now i believe that there are a lot of potential soulmates out there (i don't even like that word anymore) and they don't have to be lovers they can be friends or fleeting acquaintences."

Good thinking there my friend, there are plenty of people out there with whom we can build an acquanitance, and grow to 'love'.

yeah, i agree, love is something that grows...in the beginning there is attraction and love grows by spending time with a person.
on the risk of being really sappy now, i think the only time where you have pure love in an instant is between a mother and her newborn baby.

maybe your friend thought your opinion on love is tainted by your recent break up.....why did you break up if i may ask?