Power Play in Relationships

Tempest80 wrote:I have no idea if it really exists or not. The word 'love' is associated with a certain feelings, so I suppose that in itself means it exists, what it feels like though... I have no clue.

I think sometimes someone can put their love into you maybe. My ex put her love into me, and caused me to feel slight empathetic feelings, but it was not to say the kind of all-forgiving love that one would expect from the word, and caused me to feel jealousy.

With some women, I have sometimes felt a removal from reality and a raising almost to a level of super-power. I once had a crush on a homeless girl when I was homeless, but she never became my girlfriend. Nevertheless, I felt like part of her reality, one of her avengers, as she starved as child on the street. This girl later died of heroin overdose. It is hard for me to care about someone beyond myself.

The Canadian woman I saw on okcupid in Nova Scotia had a similar effect. Feeling suddenly a sort of resolve of steel, as if I could be motivated to do all kinds of stuff for this woman.

The only thing that stirs up a real feeling of romance is strangely colonialism. This is hard to describe, but it is a destruction of modern reality. Typically TV, the internet, etc, have destroyed romance, and sometimes I glimpse into the past, a see a woman with features from another era, like while riding the bus, with snow on the ground outside, and feel like I have left the modern world with its sitcoms and cartoon realities to a time of "real humans". It is generally in settings like "bus" where people are forced to sit near each other instead of the separated modern world.

Tempest80 wrote:I had one psych recommend anger management for me, and another argue against it... the group wouldn't take me anyway. I didn't need it... I don't have issues with anger, until I get angry lol which is rare. Plus, no amount of therapy would help me when I'm angry.

This is why my psych said I should do when angry http://s1139.photobucket.com/albums/n55 ... eport3.jpg

But I refuse to take medication, plus... it makes no sense. I'm in one of my aggressive states and I'm going to stop to take a pill? Unlikely.

I don't take medication either, but I have strong anger issues. I literally go mad, storming around my apartment and letting out repressed curses and harangues with nobody. I sound to myself somewhat like the British busdriver I heard yelling once, or German construction workers. I think it is actually giving me Widow's Peak from the stress of the anger. Its either that or the wanking. I am trying to stop it, as it causes physical damage, such as punching my own chest, which is sometimes sore afterward.

You said your tattoo says "saint". What kind of stuff do you do that makes you saintly? I have thought myself on possibly becoming a saint, volunteering all my free time to the community or something, really going all out.

michijo wrote:I think sometimes someone can put their love into you maybe. My ex put her love into me, and caused me to feel slight empathetic feelings, but it was not to say the kind of all-forgiving love that one would expect from the word, and caused me to feel jealousy.

I'd be diving in over my head if I tried to get into the whole forgiving love and jealousy thing. I've never experienced jealousy either. I have very little understanding surrounding it. I have my own theories etc... based off my own logical conclusions.

michijo wrote: It is hard for me to care about someone beyond myself.

There's no need to care about anyone beyond yourself. What purpose does it serve? None at all. I've seen it make normal people cry, which is odd... but whatever. I care about my kids in my own way, but more as an extension of myself.

michijo wrote: I literally go mad, storming around my apartment and letting out repressed curses and harangues with nobody.

I never experience any anger when I'm alone. Mine is only triggered in certain situations, more just extremely aggressive moods.

michijo wrote: Its either that or the wanking. I am trying to stop it, as it causes physical damage, such as punching my own chest, which is sometimes sore afterward.

How often do you jerk off? I'm pretty sure it's normal to a certain extent.

michijo wrote: What kind of stuff do you do that makes you saintly?

Nothing by the definition. My tattoo says 'Sinner' from the angle I look at it, so only I see the word 'Sinner'. The 'Saint' can be seen from the angle everyone else can see it, so they only see the 'Saint'. It's fitting for me, because for all intents and purposes the real me in the 'sinner' which for the most part... only I can see. Everyone else sees the fake me... the 'saint'. So the tattoo represents the real me and the fake me.

michijo wrote: I have thought myself on possibly becoming a saint, volunteering all my free time to the community or something, really going all out.

That would most likely increase your anger issues.

Tempest80 wrote:I'd be diving in over my head if I tried to get into the whole forgiving love and jealousy thing. I've never experienced jealousy either. I have very little understanding surrounding it. I have my own theories etc... based off my own logical conclusions.

Jealousy is provoked by a certain person's attitude and thinking, not just by their actions, but the way they carry out their actions. I could deal with polyandry perhaps under some strict agreement, but not basically letting my girlfriend be a total slut. Though maybe I should? Its hard for me to deal with.

Tempest80 wrote:There's no need to care about anyone beyond yourself. What purpose does it serve? None at all. I've seen it make normal people cry, which is odd... but whatever. I care about my kids in my own way, but more as an extension of myself.

I have a desire to stretch outside of myself and also to meet a woman like this and live in a strange twilight world of poetry, encompassing the whole world in an almost Asian way, with the shadows and birds and buildings and electric poles. I think it sounds really beautiful.

Tempest80 wrote:I never experience any anger when I'm alone. Mine is only triggered in certain situations, more just extremely aggressive moods.

What situations? When I was younger, I always yelled at people in the street based on intuition. Like at a cross walk, I would turn around suddenly and start yelling at some asshole talking on a cell phone and get up in his face like a drill sergeant at cadet training! I used to be really mental, but then I decided I wanted to leave peace in public and only go crazy alone. Its more responsible.

Tempest80 wrote:How often do you jerk off? I'm pretty sure it's normal to a certain extent.

Well, can be everyday. Depends, often in the morning I enter into a nebulous mental state involving the early day and the warmth of the bed covers. I am certain that I read as long as you don't ejaculate, then the dihydrotestosterone is released into the system, so I try to avoid that. It has something to do with the prostate. I am looking into ways to stop it.

michijo wrote: I have thought myself on possibly becoming a saint, volunteering all my free time to the community or something, really going all out.

Tempest80 wrote:That would most likely increase your anger issues.

Maybe, maybe not. I have noticed that if I ever help a friend do anything, I feel really strident afterward. Like there is one elderly lady who is a painter, who formerly worked as a Muppet craftswoman for Jim Henson's Muppet show (I have seen pictures of her working the puppets and standing next to bearded Jim Henson), and I have done all kinds of free websites for her, and also helped her move furniture and stuff. While it wasn't entirely voluntarily, I worked sometimes just for a hot meal she might cook. I always felt good about it. Its sort of a New England thing, helping other people out. Its what separates New England from the rest of the USA and gives it a more Canadian edge. That is part of my motivation, to continue this tradition against modern capitalism.

Wasnt there some conversation on the end here between myself and "Xdude"? If so, I would really like to know where it went. Perhaps that was another thread?

No, I am sure it was this one. I am beginning to really dislike this forum. Its probably run by European fascists.

michijo wrote:Wasnt there some conversation on the end here between myself and "Xdude"? If so, I would really like to know where it went. Perhaps that was another thread?

No, I am sure it was this one. I am beginning to really dislike this forum. Its probably run by European fascists.

Yeah, that must be it, or a server crash.

We discovered it was a server crash, but when in doubt, blame European Fascists!

We were just getting to a point where he was saying everything is meaningless and based around instincts and mating rituals, and he recommended a funny book that reinforced male stereotypical dominance in society.

michijo wrote:We discovered it was a server crash, but when in doubt, blame European Fascists!

We were just getting to a point where he was saying everything is meaningless and based around instincts and mating rituals, and he recommended a funny book that reinforced male stereotypical dominance in society.

I just blame the gods for those type of things. They have a large back and they accept sacrifices.

You mean x-dude was reinforcing male stereotypical dominance in society?
That sounds a bit out of character.

It is a feminist myth anyhow. There never was a male stereotypical dominance in society until it was created by female pressure groups. They even created the word stereotype for the occasion, in a blatant display of projection and gaslighting.

I agree though that a lot of people only think with their genitals.
There was a discussion in the schizoid forum on religion lately and a couple schizoids came with the reasoning that (paraphrasing):
"Religion is bad because I want sex anytime anywhere, and religion is against that."
Sometimes I wonder if atheism is not synonymous with avid porn customer.

It is the insidious influence of Dutch Liberalists in the world.
New York was founded by the Dutch and the idea spread up to the West coast where the weather was more conducive to their lifestyle.
The Germans stayed in the North where they had to keep their clothes on.

Some of what you say makes no sense at all. The schizoids seemed largely asexual to me. The Germans are always proudly going around in the nude. New York is one of the more religious cities in the USA and not all that liberal, giving birth to such loud mouths as Bill Oreilly and all kinds of minor cults like Scientology and The Watchtower society thrive in that city, along with Judaism, Catholicism, and Islam. It is not even in the top 5 most secular cities in the USA.

I agree that feminism is somehow a lie of female utopianism and an attempt by women to use sex as power of men, but nevertheless a lot of things like dresses and 1950s type suburban women who stay at home cooking while the man works have little interest to me.

The book Xdude recommended had some strange bylines, in particular something like "are men born to cheat?" and "does monogamy benefit women?". Rather a droll sort of book idea, supposedly to detract meaning from reality and place the extroverted male firmly in the number one position.

I guess, that is the difficulty with broad generalizations, there are exceptions. And perceptions will be quite different depending on what you are looking at. You have some good points.

Asexual seems to be another religious belief. But it is just a belief. Actions are another matter altogether. I don't know about schizoids in general, I was only commenting on two particular examples. Not all schizoids will think like that. But there is a positive correlation of the disorder with asexuality and atheism for sure. Anything that denies an idea is fair game for intellectual violence.

As for the book, Do you mean this?:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dar ... it-women-0

If anything, I would say monogamy is more a benefit for males, since they do not carry the infant.
This way, they know it is theirs.
I have seen some sociological studies that tend to indicate that matriarchal societies are more prone to promiscuity.