Is love real or is it just bullcrap?

Is just I know someone who has spent most of their life from the age of 16 onward besotted with a slightly older married man.
She loved him utterly, belonged to him in every way, physically, emotionally. She was even told (by his secretary who wrote his 'love' letters for him) that he went with other girls, and she was wasting her time. It made no difference. She simply worshiped him.
He was a attractive, charismatic, powerful male, charming, and intelligent. He made her feel she was important to him. She was, to him, a pretty, sexy, young, toy. Yeah just a toy, to be played with when he felt like it.
He never loved her or wanted to marry her.
He never loved anyone. He is a sociopath/psychopath. She never knew that.
I wonder sometimes if she regrets all that time she wasted waiting for him. She had two failed marriages, they could never live up to her lover and her dream that they would one day live together.
She has two children by him, her husband thinks they are his.
One day she met him (years later) and said you never where gonna live with me were you, he said no I wasn't.
He keeps a love letter from her in his wallet. I read it and realized it did not keep it cos he loved her or anything, but because it was full of adoration for him. N supply.
I'm saying don't waste your life on a dream that ain't never gonna happen.

michijo wrote:Some women are evil, and bring all the love out of a man, so they can destroy it like a cat.

Are you saying men are mice?

-- Sat Dec 03, 2011 11:49 am --

Greatexpectations wrote:He made her feel she was important to him.

You say that like it's a bad thing, that situation sounds pretty win win to me. He got his toy and she was obviously getting something out of it as well.

I think some women are mad like little girls, sort of spoiled, and if they have beauty and pheromone power, then they tend to do everything in their power to destroy a man, like men disgust them on some level, and in their hysteria, abuse all power given to them. They cannot be told what to do or to think of the man.

My ex was similar. She felt a deep anger that I would ever entertain with her or any woman in the future the idea of monogamy. There was almost a feminist zeal about the woman choosing whether or not a relationship would be monogamous. Any idea about the man having a choice was forbidden. Even now I am not sure if I have misinterpreted her philosophy.

I tried to explain there was another simple term, and that is me telling the woman to f-off. I then blocked her email.

michijo wrote:I think some women are mad like little girls, sort of spoiled,

Some people are like this.

I've read some of your previous posts, you seem shut into a little box as far as your views on women go. You sound like the angry one that you're accusing women of being. I'd not be surprised if your behavior drove your ex to cheat on you.

My behavior did not drive my ex to cheat on me. She was a slut before she met me. She cheated on boyfriends before me, and she cheated on boyfriends after me. You just have the desire to see the man as guilty. Woman always innocent. Before I met her I was much nicer. I have thought again and again, meeting her resulted in bitterness. She was oversexed. She had sex with women or men at any given moment. If she was single, she would stand by a wall, and any man who came up to her, she would have sex with in his apartment immediately. She had a real problem, and wanted to drag everyone down with her. She had a fondness for awkward introverted men. I compared myself to her other boyfriends. Many were submissive and introverted like me.

michijo wrote:You just have the desire to see the man as guilty.

Guilty? No. Weak, yes. It's not limited to just men though, I view most people as weak.

michijo wrote:She was a slut before she met me. She cheated on boyfriends before me

If you knew that... why did you date her? Weakness....

michijo wrote: Before I met her I was much nicer. I have thought again and again, meeting her resulted in bitterness.

If that's a serious statement, that's weakness at its finest.

michijo wrote: Many were submissive and introverted like me.

I would bet your anger and bitterness stem from you being frustrated towards yourself for being submissive, introverted and weak. I've read your other posts, you're very bitter towards men and women alike who are extroverts.

Some misc thoughts -

Some women and some men have serious problems when it comes to relationships, but that doesn't mean all do.

When we repeatedly have bad experiences with other sex, it's time to stop, and ask, are we repeatedly (and perhaps unconsciously) choosing others with issues? Are there aspects to ourselves that are contributing?

From my observation, both men and women can be quite confused/torn in what they want in a mate. Sometimes both sexes are attracted to people who are not good for them (not really good for anyone) because they are exciting, provocative, take risks, etc.

In the society I live in extroversion seems to be strongly valued; in others I've visited introverted behavior toward others seems to be preferred (though I suppose people in those societies might still be turned-on to some degree by an aggressive, sexual, approach, something they'd not do themselves out of fear or rejection, fear of being socially ousted).

There does seem to be a quandary some struggle with between the goal of monogamy, often with the goal that the relationships should lead up to marriage, and the alternative of remaining single and having multiple sex partners. Sometimes people want both, but the two goals are also in conflict to a great degree. Sometimes people cheat as a way of trying to get both.

I do get what you are all saying, I disagree with the idea of sluts, I don't think they exist, I think its prejudice.

While this girl I was with might be considered a slut, she was taken by a 50 year old man at 8 years old, molested, raped and video taped by him and his group of friends until she was 13 and then put into an illegal rub and tug till the police found her at 14. When they got her pregnant they would take her to a doctor friend and have him abort the babies. They used a lot of psychological trickery on her, they would point out normal people in the street and convince her that person had been looking at her in a sexual way when she wasn't looking till she began to believe everyone wanted to molest her.

I think when you simply dismiss a persons abnormal sexual behavior as occurring because they're just a slut you confuse the issues of who they are as people with what they're behavior is. I think they're separate things. I think you can have good people who do bad things (perhaps because that's all they're learned) and bad people who do good things (perhaps because they're afraid or don't need to but would if things were different).

Anyway thanks.

Tempest80 wrote:If you knew that... why did you date her? Weakness....

When you have trouble meeting women, it can be very hard to resist a woman who expresses love to you repeatedly. I am a very lonely person, and if any woman even takes interest in me or asks me questions, I am bound to develop a crush on her. This woman wanted to know all kinds of stuff about me and kept me up late at night talking. It was impossible to resist.

I am extremely resilient and not weak at all. I survive the bitterest cold weather in Maine and come from a very hearty stock of Pennsylvania German-Scandinavian-Dutch mix, many of whom worked in coal mines or in Philadelphia. I lived in an abandoned building in Germany without central heating, where the only heat source was wood stolen from construction sites, which I had to chop with an axe and burn in a coal oven every night.

Tempest80 wrote:I would bet your anger and bitterness stem from you being frustrated towards yourself for being submissive, introverted and weak. I've read your other posts, you're very bitter towards men and women alike who are extroverts.

I dont like extroverts very much. The girl in question came from a very normal middle class home in New Jersey. She was never molested and her parents never even fought around her.

michijo wrote:When you have trouble meeting women, it can be very hard to resist a woman who expresses love to you repeatedly. I am a very lonely person, and if any woman even takes interest in me or asks me questions, I am bound to develop a crush on her.

That's a weakness. A dog might help.. or a cat... cats are nice.

michijo wrote:I am extremely resilient and not weak at all. I survive the bitterest cold weather in Maine and come from a very hearty stock of Pennsylvania German-Scandinavian-Dutch mix, many of whom worked in coal mines or in Philadelphia.

I wasn't commenting on your physical capabilities or strength. I was talking about your other parts... the inside stuff like feelings or whatever it is that makes people vulnerable and weak... emotions I believe. You are flawed because you have them and they cloud your mind, that and your loneliness... if you were more extroverted you wouldn't have a problem meeting people (not so sure about maintaining them though) and would most likely not be so lonely. I maintain my earlier statement about why you're so bitter and angry and dislike extroverts, you envy them because they can meet people and you struggle.

michijo wrote:I dont like extroverts very much.

Yes, I know. Not all extroverts are assholes and not all introverts are saints, there's an even mix in each group.