best friend in abusive relationship, he threatens suicide

So this whole situation started probably started September 2010. My best friend, lets say her name is Ginny, and our other mutual friend is Shana. The guys name is Alex. So Ginny and I have always worked the same summer job every year for the past 4 years, because we had no school then and it was a quick cash grab and thats where we met and had some of the best times ever(I know, sounds weird saying you had the best times at your work lol). Summer of 2010, more guys started working there, and along comes the devil, effing Alex. I started talking to him first just because I'm friendly and he was working beside me. Ginny was there as well. We found out he lives in the same small town as me, which was crazy because everyone from work was from a big city nearby, my town is virtually nonexistant. We started talking about people we both knew and mutual friends, and he seemed like a pretty cool guy. We all exchanged numbers and Ginny, Shana and I kind of thought he liked me, but we quickly found out that wasn't the case.

Work ended pretty quick that year, 2 weeks before August ended. He started texting Ginny allllllll the time. Not to sound harsh but shes the kind of girl that is really shy and so when a guy starts paying her attention, she really digs it. I know she has low self-esteem (shes bulimic) so maybe she kept talking to him because of that. They started texting constantly, all through the days. Eventually, in September, he wanted to take her out on a date. She didnt want to go with him because she says shes not attracted to him(hes super skinny...super short...) so I was dragged along to make it seem to him like its just a hangout. She would tell Shana and I how obsessed he was over her...she would say its cute, but Shani and I weren't so sure. One day, all 3 of us girls were hanging out at my house and obviously, shes texting him. She kept telling us how she only texts him because she doesnt want to be mean and not reply. Shana and I decided enough was enough and made her call him and tell him to stop texting her, she doesnt like him like that. All he kept saying was "so it's over? it's all over? Is it a wrap?" This is where I really started thinking he was messed, because he made it sound like she ended a 2 year relationship, when in reality she just told him to stop texting her 24/7 and the only thing they ever did together was go to Boston Pizza.....with me LOL.

Through the months of October 2010-July 2011, I kept contact with him and talked to him, as a friend, because he became super depressed over the whole situation. He has no idea, I still believe he does not know, that the only reason why she stopped talking to him for those 10 months because Shana and I took action and made her tell him that. He was obsessed with her, and so depressed, and I couldnt help but feel guilty for his pain since I caused it basically...but to justify my actions, I got a jist from the start that he was messed and so I had tried getting her out of the situation. I kept telling him to stop, theres a lot of girls out there for him, & just because you like someone doesnt mean that they will like you and there is no way you can make someone like you. I preached this to him for the 10 months, and everytime he would text her or try contacting her, I would yell at him and tell him not to..and he would listen for some reason.

Then came the worst summer ever, summer of 2011, this past summer. We went back to our summer job like usual. Alex, being the ###$ up individual he is, left his regular job just so he could work there, because he kept saying maybe Ginny would speak to him again, maybe she would give him another chance, maybe she'll see him as the good guy he is, maybe she'll explain why he's not good enough and he will change and she'll like him then. It was insane, but what could I do. So he started working there, Ginny still didnt speak to him. A couple of times he came up to her and he said "so is it a done deal" and Ginny said "wtf is what a done deal??!" and he says "us" and she goes "what are you talking about, i texted you for a month thats it, yes its 'over'".

Then the suicidal messages to her on facebook started showing up. She had him deleted but he still messsaged her. One of the messages:

so I'd just like to say damn I never knew I was this bad of a person. if your wondering why I'm trying to make good with you there's plenty of reasons... what can i do to make up for alll these months you said that it's a wrap, well I guess it is. now that you say it's over for good, the shows over for me, I'm out the game.. some people will be shocked, but you will be happy and amazed I can guarantee that. if you don't get what I'm getting at then you'll just have to wait and see for me to make that move. now I'd personally like if you didn't tell ram**(that's me)** or others about this but honestly you can post it as a status if you want because the shows about to end remember so it won't matter for me haha. one thing I will say tho is, honestly live your life homie. lifes too short, live it up while you can and chase that dream. if you read this thanks for reading. maybe I'll see you on the other side someday haha



He started threatening to commit suicide and she started freaking out at him, saying what kind of human being can't understand the basic concept of rejection, that she would be his friend but nothing more, and he couldnt handle just being friends with her so it's never going to work. The next day, he didn't show up for work. I asked his brother where he was and he said Alex had some university stuff to deal with.

Later that night, August 18th, Alex's brother messages me saying Alex had just been stabbed by a native man in the park during soccer practise in the stomach, he wouldnt tell the cops who did it or why they did it, he just kept saying bad things happen to bad people. Apparently he was screaming "A girl told me to get out of her life, so I am."

The stab wound was very bad and deadly, he kept going in and out of comas, but 4 days later he was allowed to come out of the hospital. He could barely walk, he needed a walker and he was so weak and was all wound up in bandages and casts. I was terrified for him, I would stay up with him at night on the phone and tell him hes going to make it, to keep believing. He kept asking what Ginny thought, if she knew he had been stabbed. Ginny, Shaniaand I thought maybe he had stabbed himself on purpose.. but it seemed ridiculous. His stories and him crying about why would some stranger stab him were so sincere and so heart breaking, I felt horrible just thinking he could be lying.

He returned to work 4 days later, barely able to walk, he had tubes up his nose, a cast on his stomach: he couldnt do anything, he could only work for an hour then he would get sent home because he would start coughing up blood. Ginny still hadn't spoken to him. She wanted to talk to him and ask him how he was but she was scared if she did he would go crazy again and never leave her alone. One day the managers werent around so he goes up to ginny and asks for a bandaid, she said why, and he lifted up his shirt and showed her the wound and started poking at it, making it bleed immensly. She first came running over at me, crying saying "why would he show me the wound, hes just trying to torture me, you know I can't look at people in pain" and she ran away to the lunchroom. I saw him walking towards the change room, and I was filled with rage. Shes more then my best friend, shes like my sister. I yelled and screamed at him telling him he was the most ###$ up person ever, who the ###$ does $#%^ like that. We know your hurt but you don't need to be ###$ up about it Just go home! he said sorry sorry sorry and that was the end of it.

thats when it all began. She started talking to him again, texting, calling, because she felt horrible. Work had ended by now, so we didn’t all see each other. Me and her would always talk about how horrible it is that some strange random man had the ability to wreck Alex’s life just like that, just by one stab wound. How life is so unpredictable. He still had to get tests done in the hospitals, and sometimes his heart would just stop working so he would be rushed to emergency. She would stay up all night talking and calling him, and she would tell me how suicidal he was. He would tell her theres a bag beside his bed and he was going to put it over his head and die. She would stay up all night telling him not to, to please not do it. I would stay up all night to hear about what as going on, what he was saying and what she was saying in reply. She would tell me everything that was going up. She started becoming depressed and withdrawn over the couple of weeks. These suicidal rants Alex would go off and threaten to do were daily occurances. Ginny was completely drained at this point, but didn’t walk away. Something was keeping her with him and she wouldn’t let me know what. He kept commiting suicidal acts as well, or he’d tell Ginny he was doing them, but nothing was actually happening… he would always miraculously live, and I was so suspicious at this point.

He asked her on a first date at this point, and Shana and I told Ginny repetively to not go, don’t do it. He was suicidal apparently, so if he could hurt himself, why couldn’t he hurt the same girl that rejected him from before?? She said she had to go and if he asked her to be his girlfriend she would have to say yes. She texted Shani and I before going to the beach at night with saying “If I don’t come back, I just want to tell you I love you.” She didn’t text or call us those 2 hours they were together, but when she did afterwards, she sounded estatic to tell us the news that they were dating officially now. It was so ###$ up. She kept saying how she wanted him to leave her alone, but she said yes to be his girlfriend…?

Because of alex getting stabbed, he can no longer run around and play soccer, and he had a full ride scholarship to a university if he played in their soccer team. He cannot do that anymore because he got stabbed.

One day he “hung himself” and she called me crying saying her bf was dead and it was all her fault. She then explained that he didn’t get stabbed. He took the day off work and slowly stabbed himself all day in the stomach then called the police saying someone stabbed him. He did it because he felt she ruined his life, because she rejected him those10 months ago.

So now she has to be with him or else hes going to kill himself. Miraculously and unfortunately, he survived the hanging, as well as the apparent heroine overdose…. I don’t know if he even did these all, he would just text her saying hes about to then his brother would notify her hes in the hospital, survived like usual.

He threatened to buy a gun, but apparently he never bought it. One time he pushed her out of the driver side of her truck into the passenger side and started driving her truck, not telling her where they were going. She drinks herself to sleep every night. She says she cant leave because its all her fault he doesn’t have his scholarship, his soccer.

One time, he said he was leaving to L.A and bought tickets and said he was never coming back. I was at the mall with her then. She was so happy, she told him ok go on, leave, please. Start over somewhere new, leave me alone. He cancelled the tix and said he cant because he wants her dead. I read the text and started to threaten to call the cops and I was going to confront him. She wouldn’t let me, saying he would never actually hurt her hes just saying that. She said if I tell anyone im going to make things worse for her, so I couldn’t… the worst part is is she doesn’t save these incriminating texts. I save all the texts she sends me about him incase I have to show anyone. She also told me that he said he wanted to physically hurt both Ginny and I because we both ruined his life(me I guess because I would tell him to not talk to her) and he wanted to break both of our ankles so the docs wwould tell us like they told him that we can never walk again. She told him to break both hers, one for her and one for me because I didn’t ruin his life and I didn’t deserve this. He texted me once, I never replied. I deleted him off facebook and my phone. I don’t talk to him or contact him. All I think about when I hear of him is physically hurting him the way he is hurting her. I don’t know if he has physically harmed her, but I know for a fact that she will not tell me, and I am her best friend so she wont tell anyone else. She wont tell me anymore because she knows I will take action and do something drastic. Right now, I’m thinking about telling her family and getting them all involved. They’re east indian, so they are very protective over their sisters and daughters and will make sure to scare Alex right off. She might get in trouble from her parents for speaking to him, but when I Explain to them she had no choice, I Know they will understand.



But I don’t know what to do now… Hes 18, I am 18 and Ginny is almost 20. Shes trapped. But shes so stupid about it because theres a new job from april-july2011 and she works there and told me to apply as well for those months. She also told him to apply there.. I texted her last night saying why would you tell someone who you want to get away from to work at the same place you do…

I don’t understand her. I don’t understand what to do. I don’t understand how to save her and get her out of this mess. I’m not scared for myself, seeing him this Saturday at the job interview. I have pepper spray, its in a public place, and if he talks to me, Im going to make it clear that I know he said he wants to break my ankles and if he tries touching a hair on me or contacting me, my brother will make sure to get in touch with him…

Im scared that hes going to get the job. If he gets the job and I tell someone, like her older brother, who will then scare him and tell him to never talk to Ginny again or try contacting her or else he’ll have to deal with him, shes going to be in the same building with him for those 3 months. Should I wait and see if he gets the job, then take action??

Welcome ramchh05,

It sounds like you and your friends have been through a lot.

Reading your story, it seems pretty clear that Alex is not mentally well. He needs professional help, and that is something that neither you nor your friends can provide.

I understand that Ginny feels responsible for his behaviour and trapped because she is afraid to abandon him when he is so sick. But the truth is that she isn't responsible for his suicide attempts. If it wasn't Ginny who had rejected him, it could have been another girl, or some other event that triggered him into acting that way. Alex is unwell and his behaviour is irrational.

Personally, I wouldn't start by contacting Ginny's family - I would try to talk to her. Ginny should give Alex clear, consistent messages, rather than caving-in whenever he makes threats. If she wants to help him, I think she is best to stop encouraging his dependence on her. I think she should be telling him that he needs help, and that at the moment he is too unwell to be her boyfriend/friend. By continuing to support him, she could actually be preventing him getting the professional help he needs. It is hard to turn your back on someone who is hurting, but I think in this case it may be the best thing for Alex.

If you or Ginny think Alex is potentially dangerous, don't be afraid to report him to the police. You don't need to live in fear of him hurting you. Whilst it may seem unkind to report him, it could lead to him getting the help he needs.