Friendship Problem

Hello all, first of all I apologize if I posted in the wrong forum. Please forgive me.

I've recently been cut off(?) from a good friend of 5+ years who was my first high school friend. She sent me a message not 11 hours after we finished hanging out with several other friends. She declared that we couldn't possibly get along anymore. I thought we were fine together but apparently she thought otherwise.

Here's the facebook message she sent me (I censored out the names for privacy):

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I feel bad about doing it this way, but the internet seems to be the only method you two can process.
 
I can't do it. I love you guys and we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't do it anymore. I've exhausted every other option on multiple occasions. I've tried being subtle and passive aggressive, but you two are as oblivious as it comes. I've tried talking to your faces and being as politely blunt as possible, but you two just throw me excuses. So, I can't.
 
Verysadpanda, I talked to you in confidence. Given (name of another friend) and (name of another friend) were there, but I spoke to you open and honestly and told you what my issue was. And instead of treating it like a real situation, you turn around and create an opening for a whole mess of hot drama. Nothing I say gets through to you. Ever. And you always say how it hurts that we lump you together, but it's kind of hard when you go and make (name of my sister)'s problems your own. Or, better yet, introduce them to her.
 
To be blunt, you're inconsiderate and ungrateful. And completely racist. You can be the most fun person in the world to be with....when you're feeling like it. When you're too busy holding a grudge or picking up after (name of my sister)'s pity parties, you make me honestly want to rip my own hair out. But I've come to realize, that's just who you've become. And there's nothing I can say or do to change that.
 
I'm not saying you're a bad person, just not someone I can deal with.
 
I don't mean to sound at all hateful, but I will admit to being beyond frustrated with this situation. Especially since this isn't the first time. So the only solution now seems to be that I shouldn't put myself in a position to receive such stress. I will be civil to you, no matter what, but I'm almost certain that we can no longer continue to hang out or be as close as we once were. I've said nothing of this to Candice and Olivia, so please treat them the same way you have been and continue to hang out.
 
Best Wishes
(Name of Friend)
 
p.s. I feel this is obvious, but I've been wrong before, so I'm saying it plainly. (Name of game we were working on) will not be finished, as that requires good terms. And I will not have my name, time, and hard work put with stolen artwork.

To clarify this friend recently didn't get along with my twin sister and felt like all they did was argue and whatnot. This friend was particularly harsh and critical of her when it came to my sister's artwork. Over the summer this friend went through some sort of depression and real life drama and started shutting everyone out. She later started talking to a lot of other people except us. When my sister and I texted our concerns she just snapped. I apologized for bothering her after realizing that she was in a rut and left her alone. She then wants to talk to me later, which we do, and I reaffirm that I'd still be her friend if she didn't want to be friends with my sister (who she was intent on dumping). Later on though, my sister fell into a depression because this friend just wouldn't talk to her at all. When I suggested they talk, even if it was just for a brief moment, my friend refused (saying she would rather talk face to face, as everyone was in a different town at the moment.) I realized she wasn't going to budge so I left it alone since I didn't want to aggravate it more. Ends up this friend sends me a facebook message that very night to my sister and I saying it was over (and insulting both of us in the process).

I sent a reply saying how I'm sorry it ended and that I would like to have my flashdrive back (that she had in her possession for the project we had been working on). I said this in the most polite way possible as I didn't want to be mean about it as I genuinely still wanted be friends or at least on good terms. My other friend told me that this friend would be willing to give me back the flash drive. So I instant messaged this friend and asked her to drop it off with my sister later this week. She replies angrily with a "Thank you for giving me permission." I was confused and asked if I had said something to offend her. She responded with a rather hostile message that basically said "Yeah, I have to get permission to return your beloved flashdrive." I then proceeded to apologize for the way I worded it since I really didn't mean it like that.

Later on my other friend told me that this friend was being hostile to myself and my sister on purpose and would never apologize for what she said and did to us. I just feel like I haven't done anything really wrong to deserve such horrible treatment. I do realize she doesn't want to be my friend, but I don't think treating me or my sister like we hadn't personally done something hostile back to her is right. Now I'm really questioning who are my real friends, as my other friends seem indifferent and don't really care that I feel this way(I have few friends in real life). I feel hurt that my friend of 5+ years suddenly drops me and treats me like dirt despite the fact that I'm still trying to be somewhat nice to her out of respect. I'm not quite sure what I'm trying to accomplish by posting this. I think I just feel extremely lost and upset at the sudden loss of a friend I thought as my best friend and now I'm not sure who I can trust. I don't blame my other friends for still being friends with her, in fact I encouraged them not to let this particular drama affect their friendship. I find it extremely hard to let go of this person, despite the fact that she still makes every effort to terrorize me when I speak (we haven't spoke to each other since I asked for my flashdrive, but she does make snarky comments on facebook about me and my sister.) I guess I'm trying to find a way to let go and just relax and get out of this anti-social rut that I'm in before something bad happens.

Sorry for the long-winded topic.

Hi verysadpanda,

I'm sorry that you're feeling so upset and confused.

Your friend who sent that Facebook message seems to be making her feelings quite clear. Her feelings may not seem justified to you, but they are her feelings - not yours. Maybe you never did anything to warrant that kind of reaction, but she is saying that the friendship has been stressful for her and that she wants to create more distance.

I think you need to respect her request. You can always reply to tell her your feelings, but I don't see any benefit in arguing with her.

Sometimes one person gets hurt and stressed-out by things that don't bother others. That doesn't make that one person wrong. And perhaps the best way that they can look after themselves is to avoid whatever it is that stresses them out.

Try to respect your friend and not burn the bridge between you. Maybe things need to cool-off for a while, and some time in the future she'll want to be friends again. Even if she doesn't want to be friends in the future, there are bound to be new friends out there that you are yet to meet.

Yeah I've been respectful to her and calm when we meet now. However, she's still being actively hostile. I've never replied to her messages with my own feelings since I know very well that it won't benefit anyone since she stated she could care less. It's just stressful trying to be nice to her since I don't like being mean. I feel like she's the one trying to burn the bridges, not me. I know I would love to be friends with her again if possible, even though she said all those things to me. My other friends don't really seem to care that she is being this way. I understand they probably don't really want to deal with the drama anymore.

From the looks of it, she doesn't seem very keen on being friends anymore. Her interactions with others are all fine. It seems like she's okay with not dealing with me. I'm happy that she feels a lot better, but I still feel so bad that I was the one who made her feel uncomfortable.

Right now I've pretty much holed myself up in my room, studying and trying to keep myself occupied. Currently, I'm trying to regain the strength I had to socialize with my other friends (who are talking just fine to her) but I keep finding it quite hard. I'm just afraid of losing more people since they got quite agitated at both me and her and snapped on me the last time we talked. I haven't had much social interaction since then, mostly just me going to work and classes.

Well perhaps she's being hostile because she's upset and she wants more distance than you're giving her. And yes, it sounds like she is the one burning the bridge. What I meant was you don't need to be hostile back. Stay respectful, so that she knows you're open to friendship in the future.

If it's stressful to be nice to her, could you stop contacting her? That seems to be what she wants anyway.

If you're worried about losing your other friends, then try not to hole yourself up in your room. Contact them! See if you can do something together. It might help you take your mind off your worries, and it will strengthen your friendships.

Yeah, I haven't contacted her since I asked for my flashdrive back. The only contact we've had is through facebook, which I've completely stopped using for now because I don't want to agitate anyone. I don't make any move to attempt to contact her. However there are times where we do meet (either through someone's status comnent or something) and while she has all right to continue to post, she makes snarky comments towards my direction because I've commented on someone else's status (because they are a mutual friend). Basically I've avoided her the best I can for now, and when we do meet, she throws a comment my way (which I try my best to ignore).

I'll probably attempt social life again when my other friends are less irritated. They're still uncomfortable around me because of what happened. (even though they're still fine around the other girl). They have always seemed to connect more anyways. It may be time for me to find new friends if this doesn't work out. It just sucks to start from practically nothing as everyone has been good friends with me for 7 years now (though I guess not as good seeing as one of them never actually liked me). Thanks for listening and advice.

Update: Still no flashdrive in my possession after asking. I told her a week or so ago that I'd be willing to still be friends, she called me two-faced again and snapped. Should I just be done?

A true friend is someone who is there 4 you when he'd rather be anywhere else. Happy Friendship Day 2017 and 2018
Thanks