Recently blind-sided by lover and in shock and depressed.

Hi.. I'm new to this forum. I am a 50 year old lesbian and my love of 1 year dumped me a month ago. We were planning to move in together. This seemed to come out of nowhere although I know it did not. Her family does not accept her being gay. Anyway, that's her story... I am really depressed and having trouble letting go. I can't sleep. I've always had a low grade (and sometimes high grade) depression. I was feeling hope and happiness with this woman. We were planning a life together. I was the most positive I think I have ever been. It worries me that, once again, my happiness was based on a relationship that turned out to be not what I thought... I have tried Prozac and Paxil in the past. Recently was on Wellbutrin but had to stop cuz of side effects. Feeling passionless about life even though I have a wonderful family and friends. All I want is to have a "family" of my own. I thought this was happening with this woman. I'm trying to accept that I may be alone and I want to be ok with that idea. I am obsessing about the rejection and feeling betrayed. Within a day of our breakup she posted a profile on a dating service for men. I don't know if that is what she really wants but I know it will make her family happy. My heartbreak is that I thought she loved me and she doesn't. Although we were only together a year we had gone through a tremedous amount of difficult times. We were both very supportive. We also had a lot of fun and loving times together. What I'm finding now is that she kept telling me things that were positive about us and then she said they weren't true.
Sorry I'm babbling on and on. I just can't stand being in this place.... again. It is a familiar feeling from past heart break. I feel like I am destined to be alone without intamacy. It is so painful. I am seeing a therapist but I really feel like I just here the same psycho babble over and over and it gives me no relief.
I need to know how to take care of myself. Any clues?

I gathered from that that you have been left in the dark a bit about why exactly ye are no longer dating. Could you posibly try to find this out? If you don't know the true reason then you will start to blame yourself for it all which would be oh so hard on yourself...

...unnecessarily hard on yourself I should say.


When did it happen by the way? Like, how long has it been since this dark cloud over your life has formed? I think it's good to think that time will be a healer, a gradual healer.

Hi Chucky,
Thanks for your thoughts. This just happend a month ago. She was planning to move in this fall. We had just gotten back from a vacation together where we talked and she said she felt really positive and solid about our relationship. A few weeks later she went to see her family (parents and her brothers and their families). She came back from that trip and broke up with me immediately. All of my friends think (as do I) that something snapped when she was with her family. She is looking for a life that is acceptable to her un-accepting family. Hah!! But they are good Christians!!! Anyway, I know it's her deal. I'm not perfect but I loved her unconditionally. It's become quite clear to me in retrospect that she likes to be in control and she is also very impulsive. I think she impulsively got involved with me and impulsively broke up with me.... well, actually, I think she was thinking about how to get "out" and stalled. The really painful part is that rather then being honest with me and telling me her doubts she kept moving towards a life with me.

Again, I babble on. Time is helping... as well as friends and family. My therapist said today that she did me a huge favor by breaking it off before we got more involved. I know she is right about this. However, it still hurts a lot. I feel like I'm mourning the person I thought she was. She turned out to be someone completely different.

Again, thanks for your reply.

Ladley

Ladley wrote:I feel like I'm mourning the person I thought she was. She turned out to be someone completely different.

Yeh she is a different person - A person who does not deserve the love that you gave to her. The person you thought she was is the person you want to be with in your life.... ...But she wasn't it.

People do this I find - They date somebody, think they know them, and then the unexpected happens. This in itself causes a lot of the pain felt after a break-up. You appear to have a lot of love to offer to a person too. You must be an extremely kind lady?


Your therapist is definately correct about it being better to have broken-up before you fell more in love with this person. It'll be good for you to think about that thought as it's a positive. Your therapist is clearly helping you and you didn't mention one bad word about him/her. Milk them for all their worth! It's their job, after-all.


*hug*
Take care