Hows nuts is she? *Long read*

I've been dating this girl for 3 and a half years now. We share a 15 month old daughter. She had her little mental problems before we had our daughter but they were tolerable until she gave birth. She is manic depressive and her hormones are off balance as it is (before the baby) and when she gave birth her hormones went even more off balance. I think this caused her to snap psychotically. Before we dated she was with this guy for a year. He got her pregnant and filled her mind with all kinds of crap when he found it, saying he loved her so much and he wants to have a family with her and get married but he's just not ready to do that stuff yet so to get an abortion. She listened to his lie and got an abortion. The next day he totally denied her, in regards to getting her pregnant, and called her a liar and a slut and then dumped her. Time went on an than we met - she told me about this ex of hers and I felt angry towards him for what he did to her. Jumping ahead of time - after she had our daughter.. 2 months to be exact.. she started using me to watch our daughter so she can go out and hang with friends and to have coffee etc etc. She sometimes brought her ex up and this kind of made me weird inside, maybe she still had feelings for the guy or something.. don't ask me why after what he did to her. She was going out a lot and this has been going on for a month so I started to get suspicious.. but I gave her the benefit of the doubt because I've been with her for years now and I just didn't think she would do anything bad. The last night of her going out, until I found out, I confronted her and asked her what was going on - if she was seeing her ex boyfriend.. I had a very funny feeling something was going on.. she looked me in the face and told me she loved me and that she could never do anything to hurt me and that she would never give her ex the time of day again after what he did to her. Well, her aunt ended up calling me to ask me where she was.. I told her what my gf told me.. she was going to meet her friend for a coffee - I told her aunt to get her daughter to give her my gfs friends phone number because they were friends too. So she said ok and 10 minutes later called me back and told me she just called the girl that my gf said she was going out with and that she said my gf was not with her an that she hasn't talked to her in about a month. So right there I pretty much knew what was going on and decided to message one of her friends who hangs out with her ex bf on facebook, to see what was going on. Her friend informed me they were seeing each other a lot since the beginning of the month and that they went out on dates and that my gf was telling her ex that we weren't together anymore. I was furious after hearing this and ended up keeping our daughter because there was no custody agreement in place. When I confronted her and told her I knew everything she snapped and turned in to a different person - like I had done something to her.. she seemed really angry that she got caught. We ended up going to court and we got joint custody of the child.. this was about a months worth of #######4. After wards she ends up calling me saying how sorry she was and that her and her ex bf never did anything sexually and that she did it because seeing the daughter that we have together reminded her of the baby she was supposed to have with her ex. She said she needed him to admit that what he did was wrong and that he did get her pregnant and wanted an explanation as to why he did such a thing - she told me he hasn't changed one bit since their incident and that he didn't give her peace of mind. Don't ask me why but I did buy the story and we did get back together. I was incredibly hurt because of what she did - I talked to her ex bf and his story is different from hers.. saying they did have sex and that she was trying so hard to get back with him and he didn't want anything to do with it.. her side was he was trying so hard for them to have sex and he wanted to be with her but she couldn't be with him after what he did. She maintained that he was just trying to break us up and he was doing what he did before we were together.. which was make false things up about her. She acted very hostile towards our daughter during the first year.. calling her a little bitch and trying to drop her off to her aunts or mothers or trying to get me to watch her so she doesn't have to do anything. I told her she was clearly post partumly depressed so we went to the doctors and got her some medication which did ###$ all - she was careless as to taking her medication which I think ###$ her up even more.. the only time she would take the medication is if I reminded her to take it. So anyways.. about a half a year in to my daughters first year on earth - she started talking to this guy from high school on facebook. I asked her who it was and she said 'my best friend from high school we used to hang out alll the time.' She seems to always have a 'best friends' - or she uses that as an excuse to talk to these people she considered a best friend. I told her I didn't like that she was talking to this guy and I got another funny feeling like when I got with her ex.. so she told me I was important to her and that she wouldn't talk to him anymore. You're damn right I thought #######4.. so I kept a close eye on her cell phone and a month or so later who do I see texting her? This 'best friend' who she said she wouldn't talk to anymore. He was asking about some laptop he said she could get him.. ''whats going on with that laptop? can you still get it?'' This clearly demonstrated that she has been talking to him after saying she wouldn't so I was ######6 pissed right off. We got in to a fight blah blah and everything simmered down and I told the guy to ###$ off and that we have a kid together and that if he breaks our family up I was gonna break him. He totally had no clue we had a family together an he completely backed off. So a couple months later.. this was winter time - we went to this christmas party with her mom - it was her moms friend.. and this girl was there that my gf knew when they were younger.. like 13 yrs old. She said they hated each other so bad because this girl stole my gf's bf at the time.. I thought yeah whatever kid $#%^. So this girl ends up being all nice because we had our daughter with us and she wanted to hold her. Long story short they end up being 'best friends' and this girl comes over to our house every single minute of the day to hang out and see our daughter. I started to feel like she was trying to steal my place as a parent so I told my gf she has to stop coming here so much. My gf said that wasn't happening so I got angry and left.. Well a week later I go on my gf's facebook and I see all these random new guys on there. I thought wtf? So I asked her who they were and it seemed like she was just trying to make me jealous or something. So I told her I was going to her house to discuss what was going on and she was acting all scared.. total mood swing. So I ended up going anyway. When I got there we went outside to talk and she was acting like she was all cool and above me.. I asked her if she ever had anything to hide from me other than the ex bf incident. She said no - so I waited until we went in and than I asked her to sign in to her facebook so I could see if she was hiding anything.. in her message box. She freaked out and got super hysterical and it threw my off guard. It was totally out of the ordinary and I was thinking, wtf? She wouldn't sign in to her facebook so I instantly thought, ok here we go again, so I asked her to see her cell phone. She said she left her cell phone in her aunts car so I told her to get her home phone. She started walking towards her bedroom to get it and I followed. She didn't know until last minute and the minute she realized I was following her to her room she freaked out in to another hysterical fit and ran in to her room, turned the light off, and I heard something thump on the floor. She tried to throw her cell phone out of plain view from me and I clearly saw everything she did. So I grabbed her cell phone and then she freaked out in to another hysterical fit. I looked in her contacts list and it was pure guys.. like 10 guys. I thought wtf are you doing? When she saw that I saw the guys in her phone she freaked out even louder and than her neighbors walked in her apartment (she lived in a very hollow building, you could hear everything). Her neighbor was with her husband and they told me I had to leave. So I was like.. is this really happening right now? I calmly closed the door on them to get an explanation from my gf and her neighbors yelled 'we're calling the police.' At that point I couldn't believe this was going on so I told my gf ok im leaving. When I got home I went to bed cause it was late at night and than early in the morning the police show up at my door. They said that my ex gf told them I threw her on the ground and I smashed her cell phone.. she also told them that a couple months ago I picked her up by her torso and slammed her on her coffee table thus smashing it everywhere. She also said months prior to that, she crawled in to bed and tried to cuddle me and I freaked out and choked her out to the point where she got very light headed. I went to jail and than went to court. She made a false police statement. In the statement, read in court by the judge, she said that I pushed her neighbor out of her house who was holding her newborn baby and slammed the door on her. I couldn't believe it!! I ended up getting out on bail and getting a restraining order not to go anywhere near her. Someone was to come and pick up my daughter when I wanted to see her. So half a month goes by after that happened and than she ends up emailing me.. saying she misses me she wants to hear my voice on the phone and to call her without telling anybody. I ignored it. She started calling me on average 20 times per day. She always called me a LOT during our relationship.. if I didn't answer the phone because I was busy or wasn't around she would accuse me of cheating. Anyways it got to the point where I got brave and started to call her - she would give me such a hard time and be such a bitch and try to manipulate me in to thinking I was the one pursuing her and that she was playing hard to get.. or something. She left tons of crazy messages which I recorded and gave to my lawyer a long with every other piece of incriminating evidence to prove she lied in the statement. I should upload the messages so you can hear how insane she is. Anyways, the one day she told me she was hanging out with her lesbian girl friend she knew from high school.. this kind of made me angry because she was projecting our daughter around that kind of stuff (I have nothing against gays, I just want different for my daughter..) She would tell me how this girl would buy her formula and groceries.. trying to get a rise out of me or something.. so I told her really she sounds like a great friend you should keep her around (totally just playing the role). Afterwards, because she had serious doctor appointments she had to go to in the near future, I told her I would take her to these appointments and than she said no because he lesbian girl friend was going to take her and that they were going to be more than just friends. That was the last straw for me and I told her I had to head to bed for work in the morning. I completely stopped talking to her for a few months. During these few months one of her loser girl friends saw me in public, I was with one of my guy friends, and she told my ex I was with some girl and that I was buying her lingerie.. wtf? So my ex called this girls older sister who is friends with someone that lives on my street and this girl told my ex she saw a couple girls come and go from my house lately. Total lies.. the last thing on my mind was girls after what my gf put me through.. I was healing inside. So anyways.. my ex ends up getting with this guy that somehow looked exactly like me.. she said she did it because I wouldn't talk to her and that I was ignoring her and he was the closest thing that resembled me.. wtf? So anyways - she ends up telling me they had sex once and that she couldn't believe what she was doing as soon as it was initiated and told the guy she couldn't do this and that she was still in love with her ex.. me. When I asked her why the ###$ she did this she said she saw it as a way to getting over me... I thought - you got with a guy that looks exactly like me to get over me? #######4. Anyways - I socially engineered my way in to her head.. I had to or else my life was ruined from these fake accusations that she made against me - I ended up getting her to go down to the crown and admit that everything was a lie. Knock on wood for me.. I was super relieved, I thought my life was over and that I'd be working temp agency jobs forever. We ended up being together a little here and there and.. don't ask me how but - we ended up getting back together.. I know i know, shame on me. But the whole time we were together I just felt so wrong.. like why am I here after what she did to me. This was a course of the first year of our daughters life and my daughter is 15 months old now. So she ended up telling me that she wanted to go to relationship counseling and that she would go to a therapist to get properly diagnosed, because I was reading about histrionic personality disorder and everything that that disorder says she is to the very last word. Anyways.. the one session I went with her but waited in the lobby an half way threw her session she ran out crying saying '###$ you thats not happening.' Her therapist runs out after her and I'm sitting there like.. wtf? I follow her therapist to try and find her and she was in the girls washroom crying. Her therapist went in and she was saying she had to call childrens aid society because of what my ex was telling her. My ex is on welfare and she gets all this money for the baby and she wasnt paying her rent with her money - she went to vegas with that friend I was talking about earlier - she ended up getting evicted from her apartment and had to move back in with her mom. Her mom is very emotionally and somewhat physically abusive. Her brother is very verbally abusive. Her mom punches holes in the walls when she gets mad - they are ###$ up people. Anyways.. when her therapist said this my ex gf told her that if they came to her house to take our daughter away that she was going to bomb them and shoot them up... wtf? So c.a.s. ends up going to her house and nothing happens.. as usual - cause c.a.s. has been involved with her a few times now and nothing has happened - they are useless! Anyways - during the one session I actually went in with her and learned that she was diagnosed manic depressive since her teen years started and they tested her for bipolar but apparently she's not bipolar. I said she's very sexually suggestive she wears push up bra's she calls guy's hun she will look at guys when we are together to see if they look back or whatever.. whenever we have had little break ups she would tell me she is going to commit suicide - I pretty much couldn't leave her for fear of having her commit suicide and having unbearable guilt on my conscious the rest of my life. Anyways she ended up getting this anti-depressant medication called prestiq and she has been taking that ever since.. she seems ok but she still needs to go to a hormone specialist to get hormone medication. Last night I went out with her and her slut mom (there are viable stories for that statement but thats irrelivant) to see her neighbors sisters sons band play at some rocker bar. It was totally not my scene so I told her lets walk around and go to hess, an area with bars and clubs. She said nooo I dont want to go I know to many guys there that will come up to me and I dont want a fight to break out.. so I'm like oookkk. I ended up leaving to go to my buddies who lives around hess - I told her I was going to hess - and she started telling me I wasnt leaving and started having an attitude with me and saying 'whatever'. So I ended up leaving and when I came back she was taking pictures of her neighbors nephew in the band so I was like wtf wow whatever. It completely turned me off but I can't act surprised. I feel very used by her like she wants me around to watch our daughter so she can go 'study with her study group' but due to past occurrences there really is no trust left. She's a very sadistic compulsive liar - she will lie about the sky being red and the clouds being orange.. she will not let go of a lie even when she is caught - she truly believes her lies. Back to the last night thing - we ended up going outside for a smoke and she asked me if I wanted to go anywhere.. I told her that I already suggested we walk around but than she said 'no I dont mean us I mean you and when your done I will pick you up and we will go back to your house.' So I started thinking this is #######4 she cant goto hess because of guys? I said just drive me home so she did - she told me to give her my house key so she can get in when she gets back from the bar with her mom - I thought 'no, your not going to use me by going out to have a good time and then using me as a door mat whenever you please so she freaked out and asked me what my problem was.. she insinuated, once again.. that I had met a girl. If I had a penny for every time she accused me of fooling around on her I would be a millionaire. The fact of the matter is I've been nothing but loyal and proper and she's the one that lies and has hidden motives but she still accuses me of fooling around. Anyways this morning she comes over and says we might as well just break up - I said whatever don't hurass me anymore and beg for me back etc like you did a couple months ago.

When we were broken up she sold my bench press my weights my fathers ez bar. She bought a blackberry that she owes hundreds of dollars for now because she didn't pay her bill along with her rent. So now she is living at her moms house to pay off her debts. Also when we broke up over the police incident she called all my friends and told them that I beat her and to come over and hang out. Wtf? My friends have called me and said she was bugging out and they showed me text messages. She later admitted she tried to ###$ my friends.. but when we got back together her story changed to 'I called your friends because I knew that would make you mad and make you call me'.

Shes ###$ ###$ ###$ and everytime she gets caught she reacts in a manner like I did something wrong to her. Everytime she offends me she will make $#%^ up to try to manipulate me in to making me the bad guy. When we arent together she gets people to babysit our daughter.. she always tries to find a way to not have to 'work' as to being a parent. There is so much other things she has done but I have tried to include the things that urks me the most.

I just had to get this off my chest - what do you guys think of this girl.. how crazy is she on a scale of 1 to 10? Give me your thoughts.

More paragraphs my friend that is the most intimidating wall of text i have ever seen.

You asked, sooo… Yeah, she seems unbalanced.

I believe you are thinking only about you and your girlfriend. You should be thinking about your daughter.

Is this the environment you want your baby to grow up in?
Do you believe your girlfriend is a good mother?
Is a relationship good or bad for the child?

When you became a parent life stopped being only about you. Your decisions can hurt someone who can’t yet defend herself.

How she turned out after child birth, I tried to get her help. What she has done to me during the first year - I have tried to ignore it and be there for my daughter.. we don't, at least I don't, react or argue in front of our daughter. She on the other hand swears like a truck driver - her ex bf is a druggie and my ex was bringing our daughter around him and his crowd so I called c.a.s. - They did absolutely nothing.. they said I was most likely just making things up because she made me mad.. they are useless people. When she lied to the police they had to call c.a.s. and once again.. they did nothing. C.a.s. was called on her for smoking weed in her apartment - I had sources tell me our daughter was in bed (as usual) when she was smoking weed in the other room. She told c.a.s. she only smokes weed when the child is not around. They did nothing.. useless. When she got evicted from her apartment she went to live with her mom, I've witnessed her mom hit her.. bruise her.. punch holes in the wall.. relentlessly make big deals about absolutely nothing - very vexing and contentious. When she told her therapist about this, her therapist following the rules of the law, told her she had to call c.a.s. because she is living in an unstable environment. When my ex freaked she expressed threats and when c.a.s. showed up at her house - they said they were only there because she made threats.. again, they did absolutely nothing. Useless organization.

I'm at my wits end as to helping my daughter - I actually thought about buying glasses with a hidden camera in the middle to video record what goes on in their house and how she is as a mother to our daughter. For this reason I try to remain diplomatic through the war's that break out at her house.. I want to take action but if I did that would cut me off from being able to know what goes on in my daughter's life.

She told me the other day that she only wants to stay on this medication, a specific medication that was issued only because it would not interfere with any hormone medication she is prescribed, and that she doesn't want to go on the hormone medication. Whatever, I can't do anything about that.. its her life.. her health. I've tried to help her and keep my patience but I'm at the point where I need to quarantine her completely and whatever she does, she does. There's nothing I can do.

Have you talked to a lawyer about your daughter? It seems it would be better if she lived with you.

Your ex lives with her mother, has history of drug use and has lied to court. Also c.a.s might not have done a thing but they probably have records of these visits, the judge could ask to see these documents. And if you have a job, a place to live and no criminal record I believe it would not be hard to get custody.

I have not talked to a family lawyer about this issue, yet. I am still in the midst of getting court issues out of my hair from when she lied. I am off the hook, as I should be seeing as how she made everything up, but I guess it's just the nature of the process of this court bs to continue.

She has a documented history of suicide attempts. She told her therapist, when I was in attendance, that she thinks about killing herself all the time - the only thing holding her back is the fear of 'it hurting.' She tells me she thinks about death all the time, like what happens when you die. She was put in a mental ward when she quit doing ecstasy because her mood was highly erratic and unstable. When she tells her mother shes going to kill herself, her mother tells her 'oh, T.. this is just for attention.' Her mother seems to think that this behavior is all for attention.. her brother told me that my ex and her mother got in to a fight, with our daughter in my ex's arms.. and my ex became highly erratic and unstable, screaming and yelling and swearing, and her mother told my ex to give her the baby. My ex did, and then grabbed a knife and told her mother she was going to go kill herself.. her mother said 'yeah ok have fun going to kill yourself..' My ex went in to her bedroom and 5 minutes later came out.. completely calm as if nothing had happened.. and asked her mom if she could have the baby because she was going to go for a walk with her. Wtf? Everything that happens like this in her family, and I've been around some of their messed up arguments and abusive behavior, is all covered up and lied about. I've had enough of the behavior a few times and have tried to bring it to light, but when they are asked about it - by c.a.s. or whoever - they put on a fake smile and act as if nothing is wrong and c.a.s. sticks up for my ex and rules out my report as an angry father trying to go against the mother for personal reasons. They live like slobs but when they know c.a.s. is coming they clean their house up to make it look spick and span as if thats the way they live.

This is starting to drive me insane, I have constant head aches, my eye started twitching at random times recently, and I feel so sorry for my daughter. God knows I love my daughter but I'm sorry I ever laid an eye on my ex. No child should ever have her or anybody like her for a parent.

Felt like reading a novel !
I think she is weird if you are being objective in describing the situation but there might be her version of story.Did you consult any doctor professional counselor ?

lisataylor003 wrote:Felt like reading a novel !
I think she is weird if you are being objective in describing the situation but there might be her version of story.Did you consult any doctor professional counselor ?

I am describing the facts to a T. Her side of the story always consists of lies and manipulation.

She told me she couldn't believe what she had done, as pertaining to the lies to the police, and that she confessed because she didn't want my life to be ruined and that she still wanted to be with me. I don't want my daughter to be raised how she was, with separated parents. So I told her the only way I could feel comfortable with her is if she went to get serious help. She agreed.. she went to a therapist - I've gone with her on occasion.. the first time being I didn't believe she was actually seeing a therapist (that's how much of a manipulative liar she is.)

The therapist gave her tests for bipolarity.. prescribed her a certain medication that wouldn't interfere with a hormone medication. The last time I went with her to her therapists was the last time she went to the therapist. She told the therapist how her home life is.. how her mother and brother are, and the therapist told her she had to call c.a.s. My ex threatened that if she did she would shoot and bomb the c.a.s... C.a.s. gets involved and nothing happens.

We were going to go do relationship counseling. That never happened. Everything she has done has been for her - there were times where I would be sitting there and just thinking about what she did to me, about how she lied and slept with another guy afterwards, it makes me so angry because it all didn't have to happen. Every time I try to talk to her about this and how its effecting me she gets bitchy and says she can't talk about it because its going to make her puke. She says she can't believe what she did. Everything she's done has been to help her self, which I have no complaints about, but there's still me.. I'm still hurt - she's done nothing to help me and I've done what I could to try to help her - she can't even talk about what she did and that's the only thing on my mind. The only way to get over it is to move on then.. if she's too selfish about this than I can't be with her. She needs to acknowledge a lot of things.

The last day we talked.. she told me she didn't want to go on the hormone medication, a medication that the doctors have been bugging her for ages to go on but she just won't. It will level out her mood. I believe this is the thing that she truly needs.

She's out a therapist. She's out a man. In the future, she will be out a daughter - because I know our daughter will just grow up to hate her. She can't be adequately helped, the facts that she told her therapist made the therapist react, this will just make my ex lie to every other therapist she goes too. She's a lost soul.

You're in one hell of a mess.

My thought though, is that she probably isn't HPD, it sounds more like BPD. Because an HPD usually won't admit fault, but then again, I'm certainly not a doctor...

Yeah, your daughter is going to inherit this disorder from her if you don't get her away from this woman. I am BPD myself, and I can tell you that unless you're at a place where you accept therapy and want to get better, and have the WILL to work on it, then its a very difficult way to live. I'm not suggesting you feel sorry for her at all - I'm suggesting that you get the kid and get away from her until she can get in a better frame of mind.

I know that you're in the middle of the court battle over her lies, but I would think a child custody case after all that she has done would be rather easy. None of this is going to be easy for you, but imagine the effects on your daughter. Its disastrous.

Best of luck to you...

AMP

MissAli wrote:You're in one hell of a mess.

My thought though, is that she probably isn't HPD, it sounds more like BPD. Because an HPD usually won't admit fault, but then again, I'm certainly not a doctor...

Yeah, your daughter is going to inherit this disorder from her if you don't get her away from this woman. I am BPD myself, and I can tell you that unless you're at a place where you accept therapy and want to get better, and have the WILL to work on it, then its a very difficult way to live. I'm not suggesting you feel sorry for her at all - I'm suggesting that you get the kid and get away from her until she can get in a better frame of mind.

I know that you're in the middle of the court battle over her lies, but I would think a child custody case after all that she has done would be rather easy. None of this is going to be easy for you, but imagine the effects on your daughter. Its disastrous.

Best of luck to you...

AMP

She has hpd tendencies. She always.. always plays the victim. I think she lied to the police to get babied and paid attention to from her family. She called my friends, thinking they were going to care about her. She's VERY theatrical.. very dramatic about things that would otherwise be shrugged off or not cared about. She acts like she has the emotional capacity of a little child, if she doesn't get her own way she stomps the ground and pouts and whines like its going to change anything. She tends to see relationships much bigger for what they are.. one time my buddy was going through a break up and him and my ex (gf at the time) were talking about it - from then on, ever since she viewed him as a close friend that would tell her anything. There was this girl she knew when they were younger.. but they HATED each other. They started talking recently and my ex chose her over me, saying she has known her since they were kids. Wtf is that? This girl that came in to her life literally caused so much mishap and drama in our relationship - she has flirted with me, has told me she was jealous that my girl has me.. right in front of my ex. My ex, although expressing that she was angry, still kept her around. They were 'best friends.' When we were single she started to dress like a whore, called every guy hun.. she was very sexually suggestive. She is easily irritated at just about anything, you pretty much have to tip toe around her to not piss her off.

I know my daughter will share in her messed up behavior if something is not done about it. But it IS easier said than done. Her grand parents are rich snobs and I fear that if I do take her to court that I'll lose over their money. I don't want anything to be in vain.They are the type of people, regardless if they see how $#%^ of a mother she is to our daughter, that will fight strictly for the rights of bragging and to make themselves look high end and gain themselves a victory. Also, with the amount of times c.a.s. has been involved and nothing has happened.. this is all just rediculous.