Friendship vs Love

I’m 24 yrs Male from India. I would like to thank all you guys for doing such a wonderful job. Kudos to you guys.

Below is my little story:

Flashback: Exactly 2 yrs back, myself and she joined the same firm. After few weeks, we started talking and before we could realize, we had become best friends. 3 months later I got transferred to another city. After I got adjusted to the new city life, I started missing her badly. Months went by and my feelings towards her grew stronger day-by-day. The day came, when I couldn’t spend even a minute without her and decided to travel to her city and express my feelings to her. She got to know about my plan from one of our mutual friend, and she started avoiding me since that day. She stopped replying to my mails, stopped answering my calls, stopped replying to my messages. I spent the next few weeks sulking whole day in my room. Couldn’t face the fact that a girl has rejected me. I thought of resigning from my firm, but luckily my Superior understood my problem and transferred me back to my city. I dint try to contact her for the next 1.5 years. Had almost forgotten her. I would always feel like someone has taken away a big chunk of my heart .

But, then after 1.5 years, saw her travelling in bus. I smiled at her. To my fu**in luck, she also smiled. Boy, I felt like I just came back from hell. I felt I just conquered the world. I said to her that I have moved on and have no feelings for her apart from friendship. Started messaging her. She too was replying. Hundreds of messages are exchanged on a daily basis now.

The Problem : I still have feelings for her. I can’t imagine my life without her. I know I can’t express my love for her again. Because, if I do, I’m pretty much sure I would lose again. She’s damn beautiful, Intelligent and most importantly has an amazing sense of humor. I know there are many right girls for me out there, but my heart won’t listen to me. It wants her only. I’m still continuing our friendship with the sole hope that she might someday feel the same way about me as I feel about her. Is this worth the effort I daily put to make her smile ?

Guys,a little help would be appreciated .

Guys...

Some girls do not like it when you' re "moving too fast' I'm one of them myself. I have a really bad fear of commitment. It doesnt matter how much I like a guy, when he starts acting like we're married for four years (I can get that feeling even if he just kisses me) I freak out and get scared. Maybe she has the same problem? But you will never know it unless you ask her. I think the problem was also that you decided to visit her without informing her first. Did you stay in contact with her after you moved to the other city? by phone or email or something? Maybe you idealized your friendship a bit in your head. Anyway, just approach her and ask why she asked the way she did. Otherwise you will never know what you did "wrong" (if that was the case) or keep " mourning" while you should be living.

Its so funny to see the time difference btw

Hey Carbon.
I can relate exactly how you feel. I've had feelings for a girl only to be told that they prefer the friend stage (which I've learnt to accept). I think you need to ask her gently why she acted when you came to visit her. I'm with Unimportant on this, if you don't find out what went 'wrong', you're regret for a long time or worse, repeat your mistakes at an added risk.
Maybe she was unsure of her own feelings for you, maybe she felt that you were coming on too fast? I feel that you should still make the effort to be her friend until you're both clear where you stand on the relationship front.
Hope this helps.
DJM19

Thanks Unimportant and DJM19 for taking time to help me out.

Unimportant - I have to agree with your observation. I was in contact with her after i moved. And she literally cried when i was leaving for the other city, which tells a lot about our friendship.

DJM19 - I too felt i was a little fast in expressing my feelings for her. But, i can't be friends with her and suffer every time i see her.

Last week, I had asked her to end our friendship as she was being too formal with me. She replied that she does not want any "close" friends. But, doesn't want to end our friendship either. I'm Really lost.

I'm thinking of confessing my feelings for her next time we meet. I guess she is too focused on her career that she does not have time for love. What say guys ?

I can see why you feel lost. Would you say that she's reserved, personality wise? I'm only guessing, but you might have a point. She want to focus on getting a steady and smooth career and sees you more as a causal friend rather than as a potential relationship prospect. That said, I'm only guessing. Maybe she feels the same way, but has different priorities at the moment. You should ask her what's most important to her in view of your friendship.

I think you should gently broach your feelings to her. Tell her that you do have deeper feelings for her, but you respect the fact that, if she chooses it, you're happy to remain friends. I know it seems hard to accept just being friends the way your feelings are, but, as we said before, she might not like 'moving too fast'. Giving her an option as to how your friendship goes proves how much you love her and may indicate to her how much you care for her. Friendships and relationships all have two sides to them.

I hope this helps you out.

She is damn beautiful, witty and most important smart. A very rare combination. Even so she was single all these years. Probably I'm the only who has been so close to her. I would follow your advise and give her an option as to how she would like to proceed further. All these lovey dovey stuffs are too complicated. This being my first try, is too taxing on me.

What's making me mad is that she doesn't want me "close" or not leaving me to go "far" from her. I would love to be in the same "close" position with a hope that i would someday become "closer" to her. Is this good for me ?

Thanks a lot DJM19.

No problem. She does sound like a wonderful person. I agree, all the lovey dovey stuff seems a bit too complicated (but then, I'm a man with AS so life is always complicated ). It's hard being in love for the first time, especially if we feel it's unrequited.
It can be maddeningly when the relationship position isn't always clear. Maybe you could ask her what she means by 'close' or being 'far' since you don't really understand. It's naturally that you want to be 'close' to her and maybe someday you will be 'closer'. As I said, relationships are based on what you both want rather than what you or she alone wants. As long as you stay in control and respect her choice, (whatever the outcomes), you should be okay. Give it time, try to be patient and things might change.

I'm glad this seems to be helping you. Hope it goes well for you. The fact that you're worried about this issue and that you think so highly of her shows how much you care in a way.

Yep, She in fact is a wonderful person. I guess the only thing i can do now is talk to her. I hope she continues the friendship even after knowing the fact that i have romantic feelings for her.

Thanks a lot. Till now i always thought from my point of view. Will respect her decision, whatever it may be.