Sense of Self and Relationships

Does anyone have tips on how to have a stable sense of self in relationships?

I've had a lot of childhood trauma, and relationship trauma.
I have borderline personality disorder, post traumatic stress disorder. I also have bipolar.

Has anyone been in the place I am and grown beyond it?

I met the man of my dreams a year ago, and found out that I was the other woman... the lies, deception, betrayal obviously crushed me.

Has anyone had a similar experience and gone on to find love with an honest, loving, respectful partner?

You need to have a "stable sense of self" independently before such stability shows itself in a relationship.

yeah, that is what I mean, what tips have you got for me to improve my sense of self so it is not so connected to how a partner treats me. I don't seem that way with less intimate relationships but with intimate partnerships I seem to absorb every bit of crummy treatment as if it is deserved.

First off, don't settle for less than what you have mentioned: a loving, respectful, honest partner.

You have to get to the bottom of why you have put up with such treatment, and why at times you feel it is deserved before you can turn this way of thinking around. Do you want to fix a man who behaves this way? Will you settle for anything, just to be with someone? Do you have trouble saying no? What makes you think that being disrespected is what you deserve? Do you focus on the crumbs a man gives you, placing more emphasis on those, rather than his grievances?

Answer to yourself, not me.