Is my ex boyf a Narcissist?

I have been seeing this guy John since last Nov. He is 32,Italian by parentage and still lives with his mother.
We have spent a lot of time together - say 5/7 days p week. And things were going well until i found out that he had reestablished contact with his ex - by email (we are in England she is in Brazil). I was very unhappy about this as he had kept this from me. The nature of their relationship was one of visiting each other say 1 per year and all other commn by email. She had dumped him 4 times over the past 6 years and gone off with other guys. I could not understand why he would want contact with someone who behaves in this way. It struck me that he was the 'backup' for her. He tells me that she would not contact him for months on end and he would resort to devious means to find out where and who she was with. He assured me that the ongoing commn was platonic. However what also worried me was the pictures on the wall, love letters lying around. He removed all these.
So we carried on our relationship.
2 weeks ago i discover that he also phoning her too. He had kept this from me. I walked out. I told him he has been deceiving me. He told me he finds it difficult to let go of the past. He got angry as he took me to the station. The next day i get nasty email where he sends one of her emails to me and demands money from me (that i owe for car window).
I tell him that i do not want this ex in my life. And why does he want it? if it's so sporadic (the commn) why is it so difficult to cut ties? and why hide it? this is my major issue - the deception.
I gave him and ultimatum this time. I say tell her to go away or i tell u to go away! Eventually he sends us both an email - ending it with both of us! The email was bizarre - all me,me, me. and blaming everyone for his behaviour. He has been talking about me to his ex - he refers to me as the pain in the backside! even though he adds LOL! And then says he wants us to be the best of friends! while he goes to 'find the truth' he admits he is living in the past .

I look forward to hearing your views/opinions!

thankyou for your time

I was very concerned when I received this email - as the behaviour was very strange to me.
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this is the text of the email i received - Patricia is the 'ex' ;


Subject : Sorry to all for being the way I am !




There is no easy way to say this Patricia!

But I have been given an two options by Denise the woman I told U about - the pain the backside - LOL! Thats the one!

In all the 7 years I have known U - U have managed to dump be a number of times, ( I dont need 2 tell the story) never once having the kindness in your heart to tell me how U feel. Spending many months not talking to me - letting me find out through my devious nature what your getting up to. I feel in my heart what people are thinking by what they say and dont do! I feel that I need to be told direct whats going on - thats what I respect and admire in people ! I hope I have shown U how to behave and respect people - with our long talks by the fire !

No one will ever take my many memory's away from me - that U can be sure of !

So I go to find the truth - it like having my heart pulled out from the inside - it hurts!
It appears that I must be a fool to wont to be treated in this way - I dont look like I'm crying but in the inside I am in tears - as I like my dad find it very hard to express my self ! I have forgiven U every time - just hoping in my heart that U will find what your looking for in a Man and a lover your looking for. Thats all I have ever wonted for U - I guess in a little way I was very attracted to U (I dont know how 2 say I loved U - I guess). U always made me smile, your a loving person of which someone will be very luck to be with U. U and I know that we only spoke on average 2time a year before we had computers with super fast internet connections. But this has pushed Denise away from me. This means that I only have my option (as who play me at chess always forces one of my unexpected moves - for I am a chess master in traning - I need to joke - I'm almost crying again !) I hope that U both can be best of friends an I now know that I can be nothing to both of U, all of the pain and tears are not I'm sued to. And I guess living in my little room is a very safe place where I long to be from now on!

As I have no other options - I'll be at one with my computer and start painting again !

U must know that when I needed advice like always all of my best closest friends are not able to help me - so this is me thinking alone - like i have always done!

I loved Denise - she did lots of things for me but never once washed my car. (I'll do it my self - when all alone this Saturday while doing the paving !)

What I'm saying to U both is I loved U both, but I must move on in my life as I have not been able to do so!
And my thoughts of the passed is holding me back - U should be a shrink !
I have known this for years!

Please both of U be friends as I am like the water I just flow but shall no longer be anything to U both, as I hope this will bring U to together just as friends.

Uggh, this guy's a creep.


He loves himself and is struggling to mature in life. He is looking for sympathy from ye and thinks he can be forgiven by using sweet words. He appears to think of things as joke. The reason he didn't want to let go of the other girl was because she is a backup for him. He probably told her the exact same things everyday that he told you - The same sweet things. He wanted to hang onto her just in case his relationship with you crashed.


The fact that he told both of ye off would suggest to me that he has found some other girl to 'woo'...


This guy is sadistic in a way. I strongly suggest never contacting him again.