20 years of marriage. I want it to end but am scared.

I've been married for 20 years and have 3 children, Being mentally, emotionally and sexually abused some in childhood some all my life though as an adult I try not to let the abuse happen but words still hurt even when you know they're wrong.

I feel like I don't know what love is. I don't love my husband, I don't have any respect for him, he never supports me or the children, I've never made love all it is is sex. I've worked hard to study and have started back at work and he does nothing to help. 2 of our children have health issues the youngest physical and intellectual and it's just too much.

Due to bad timing in one of our real estate ventures we lost most of our money so have no backing. At my age (42) I'd be starting from scratch and struggling, my youngest is 10.

Do you stay for what little security you do have and for the youngests emotional needs or do I try and make a fresh start once I get permanent work (I'm casual and looking atm).

Obviously having a chemical imbalance and being on meds for life I don't need major stress in my life, any advice?

thanks, Emily.

Hi Emily,

Maybe I'm not the best person to give you advice as I'm neither married nor have children, but I'll tell you what I think anyway...
I think having hope for the future is very important - both for you and for your children. If staying in your marriage would mean that you feel you have little to look forward to, and that you merely need to accept your lot in life, then I think you must make a fresh start. If however you do not feel trapped or resigned, and your unfulfilling marriage does not inhibit your dreams, then you may like to stay.

In the end it's your life and your choice, but I think you owe it to yourself and your children to strive for the life you want.

Hi Platypus,

Thanks for replying. A lot has been happening here my son left home for 4 days and he's only 16, The police wouldn't help or anything. He's come home now and I found out it was because of things his father was saying to him when I was at work. He was basically emotionally abusing him telling him he was worthless and stuff.

I just found out today I have a new job still only casual but hopefully it will go permanent or between the jobs I'll get enough hours up to make it so. I told my son once our house is sold and I have decent work hours behind me we can leave his father as no matter what I love my children and they will always come first and we can start afresh. I didn't realise my 10 year old was hiding and listening so she started crying and yelling that she didn't want me to leave daddy (we've just found out she is definitely slightly intellectual impaired) I think change will affect her badly no matter what.

I still don't know what to do though taking the children when we sell and moving closer to town is looking more like the way I will go. It won't be as bad on my little girl as unless her father moves to the beach like we planned he will still be close and she will be closer to her friends as well.

I also got my son to bring his friends over last night to meet them expecting the worse but they're all just troubled kids. One with a double diagnosed mental health issue, another abused, the others family problems. I'm happy for the kids to come over, after all being abused myself I know what it's like so atm I'm just working on each of the youngest 2's problems.