Afraid to be seen...

I was in a relationship with my best friend for nearly 4 years. It was a rocky one, mostly because I think he tends to sabotage himself...but he finally managed to push me away. We still talk from time to time and he has asked me to stay with him but the idea of leaving has become more and more tempting with each passing day...

I've been talking to a guy for about a week now and I'm pretty strongly interested in him. He's harder for me to read and it's occurred to me that my last boyfriend might have spoiled me... He was always in contact while this guy tends to be somewhat harder to reach out to. He's been friendly and seems to respond well to me teasing/flirting. I've mentioned meeting up when I return (I'm on summer vacation, atm) and he, more or less, said yes. I say "more or less" because I asked what he'd want to do and he told me to pick which isn't a no but isn't really a yes? Anyways...

The thing is...I'm scared to be rejected. Scared enough that I'm sitting here writing this, nearly in tears. I don't like my body...I hate it. I'm a little over 5'3" and I weigh about 170/175 pounds. I don't look too bad, the weight distributes itself fairly evenly so it's not like I am disproportionate. I have stretch marks that are all but faded...and I've had them since I was 13, before I was even overweight. Every doctor I saw told me that I was just "unlucky" but that didn't help me to feel any better...

This guy has seen me, you know...without clothes ...but it wasn't really as close up as the view would be if we were together and clothes came off. I'm afraid he'll see the marks or my flab and turn and run. I know I can always lose weight and I keep trying to get myself back on track (I used to weigh a lot less but stress kind of had me binge eating for a long while...) but I can't drop all this weight overnight...before I see him. I also dislike my skin in general...I have a very, very small amount of acne on my back but it still bugs me. I also have some dry skin on my chest that's, in all honesty, not that bad but it still bothers me. I guess I feel that, as a woman, I'm supposed to be nearly perfect...even though I know that's silly.

I've been told that I'm attractive by a number of people...but I keep thinking, "But if they saw me up close and nude..." My ex says I'm sexy and that it shouldn't matter...but I'm all but terrified...

You know....I don't think it matters how you look because every single person is insecure to a certain extent. If this guy likes you, it's for lots of reasons, not just how you look. Also you just said he's seen you, and I'm sure he's not an idiot, he knows what you look like anyway.

Everybody likes different things and not all men like skinny women. And we're not always going to be perfect. The acne and dry skin can be cured, you can sort them. Same as your weight. But the sooner you accept yourself, the happier you will be and the more likely you are to be comfortable in a relationship.

We're all scared of rejection, hey, it's just happened to me. It happens to everyone regardless of what they look like. However much we don't want it, in order to be loved we have to take risks.

Good luck with everything, and if this guy isn't willing to accept you for who you are then he's not worth your attention.

SparklyB has it right. If someone likes you from the beginning for who you are, even loves you, what's a blemish on your back or arm or belly going to do? Such things go away in time anyway, you are still growing and your body is changing. If you can bring yourself to love yourself for who you are, relationships will flourish for you because you will not feel a constant need for affection to prove to you how beautiful you are. You ARE beautiful as you are.