Paranoid

I had a 4 year relationship with a guy. We got engaged 3 years into the relationship. A few months before the wedding I felt like he was acting strangely and I discovered he was cheating. We broke up. My world was SHATTERED. I had anxiety attacks, severe depression, and weight lost.

Its now a year and a half later. I have dated a couple guys since then, but I recently began dating someone new. I feel VERY VERY strongly about him. I am as or more in love with him as I was with my ex. However, I get SUPER paranoid. If he doesn't kiss me goodnight, tell me he loves me when he usually does, I jump to the conclusion he must not love me anymore. The idea of losing him seems impossible. I feel like my previous relationship where I felt this strongly hurt me SO much I can't possibly endure such a break up again, but I'm so paranoid about a break up... even though I have no actual clues that he doesn't love me.

You feel paranoid in order to protect yourself from getting hurt again. Its ok. The problem is it can potentially destroy the relationship.

Try and FORCE yourself to think "He loves me", instead of the opposite, even when he does not kiss you goodnight or whatever else makes you paranoid. Talk to him about it openly, and see what he has to say about it. Do not attack him, simply state how you feel.

I hope it helps, regards

Igor

I know exactly how you feel.

I was treated really badly by a guy with NPD for three years, who manipulated me, cheated on me with many women and generally ruined me as a person. That took a lot of coming back from, it was about 8 years ago and I still find relationships hard. Deep down however I feel for someone I still have that mistrust. The first inkling I get that something is wrong I fear the worst. It's such a horrible all-consuming feeling and it can be hard sometimes to break the habit of thinking in that way.

I can say that time helps, and you do get a better perspective on things. And whatever someone does to you, remember it is not your fault for them being (insert your own expletive)

I do think sitting down with your current partner and explaining exactly how you feel is a good thing. Being completely honest will help him understand your needs and help towards making you feel less paranoid. But you also have to remember to cut him some slack too. If he doesn't kiss you goodnight, remember all the times he has, all the times he's touched you affectionately, all the times he's said he's loved you. I know it's hard but try to relax and just go with it. You may think that by being wary you're protecting yourself, but if you lose trust in your partner all you will do is push him away.

I hope everything works out for you and you manage to rest your mind