Confused x2

Here's the situation,

I have a failing relationship. I've been with my wife for about 7 yrs. We have 3 kids together and i have a child from a prior relationship. There has been cheating on both sides. Hers occured a couple years ago while we were on a "break" so she feels its not cheating. The trust has never been there so we constantly have problems. And more imporntantly, she doesnt care for my oldest child like i feel she should. We decided to give it one more try bit it hasnt worked out. We live in 2 different worlds in the same house. I recently moved out and regret it everyday.

My affair. was much more recently. It begain about 6 months ago with a then unhappily married woman. Our fling became very seroius for both of us. She seperated from her husband about 2 months ago. Since then she has been waiting on me to leave my wife. Over the 4th of July holiday her sister came to visit. Long story short her sister convinced her to leave me. She ended up having a 1 night stand with some random guy at the beach. Her reason being she felt I would not leave my wife. I left the same day she cheated.

There's the background so my questions are:
1. When is a relationship not worth saving? I miss my family.
2. Should i give the other woman a pass? Is that considered cheating because it feels like it.
3. Is it possible to love 2 people? I miss them both for different reasons.

Welcome whytry,

Your situation sounds complicated. I think you are going to have to be honest with yourself and put some effort in to find an outcome that will work and that you can be happy with.

How do you feel about your wife? You said you regret moving out and you miss your family, but I'm not sure if you're including your wife, or if you just miss your kids.

Do you know why your started the affair 6 months ago? I'm wondering if you could have been angry or jealous at your wife for the affair she had a couple of years ago. Maybe it was a way of getting back at her? Or were there other motivations?

I believe it is possible to love 2 people. However, most people don't want to 'share' a partner with somebody else. The ideal situation for you may be to stay with both your wife and this other woman, but it seems neither of the women you love would find this acceptable. If you had to choose between them, do you know which woman you would prefer to be with? Do you think you can learn to forgive either woman for her unfaithfulness?

I imagine you have a lot of complex thoughts and emotions about the situation you are in. Do you have a friend or someone you can talk to? If not, a counsellor or therapist could be helpful. Please feel welcome to keep posting as you work through it all - and good luck!

Here is my advice. Stop cheating for one. If someone is going to cheat let it be your wife. Just because she may have done it, does not mean that you should. Try and be the better person because by doing that it will show your wife that you are working on things. Another thing: try not being with either of them. Give it a break with both women. You put yourself in this situation. From my point of view I believe that that girl you had your affair with, doesn't seem too interested in you by her actions. If she loved you and cared enough about you, she would let you be with your wife and not want you to leave or expect you to. You have plenty of kids to think about so try and do what is best for them. If being with your wife works out in the end that is great, or maybe a divorce may be in store, but keep the kids in mind at all times. Don't divorce your wife to go & be with someone else. You do have a tough situation but make the best of it. Be the better person, give it time, and see what is in store for your future as it comes along