My Boyfriend is Coming Back..

So, here's the deal -

I had a boyfriend in high school. We never did anything physical but we had serious feelings for one another. Our relationship was always quite passionate but also kinda rocky. Whatever. He moved to a different state with his family & he went to college there. But, he's coming back to my state in August. (Or so that's the plan at the moment.)

We already agreed that we would be intimate before his stay ended. Or, I should clarify, I told him that I would be ready & I'm gonna rape him when he comes. LOL.

But I'm incredibly scared. I'm a virgin, yo. I'm also Bi, not even sure if I'll like sex with a male. But I'm willing to try because I love him.

Any advice on how to make me more calm about this? I haven't seen him for a very long time as well... It's gonna be so nerve-wracking. Especially because before when he knew me I was basically mute. (Yeah, I have no idea why he stuck beside me.) Now, I'm really outgoing & I'm good at talking. But I'll be so nervous around him, not sure if I'll just revert back to being a mute.

Sorry for the long post. Any advice?

Well, I'm not exactly the one to be giving you advice. I just happen to be in a very, very similar situation right now. I got excited reading your post and wanted to comment. haha..

That was a very bold move of you, saying that to him. I like it. If you've had serious feelings for him all this time, I'm sure you'll be fine. You know him. He knows you. Sure, it will probably be awkward at first, but you'll figure it out. Even the awkwardness will be exciting. I think. I hope?

(oh and I love your avatar, by the way. I always think it whenever I see your posts, so now I get the chance to say it. FINALLY. i need the model's name? seen the face many times, but can't put the name to it! *Siri Tollerod! I kept thinking Suvi Koponen and getting frustrated! I knew it started with an S. Now I'm at peace. Not before I find the photo(shoot) in question. Okay, I'm done here.)

Monroe, just be yourself and act as you have always do that's the only advice that I can give. If his feelings and yours are the same then I am sure you both will be very happy together and enjoy spending time with each other once more.

I can understand your fears believe me and I am thinking that your best aspect there would be to explain it to him also because you never know he could actually have those very same fears too. I don't know what more to say than just be yourself

How did this work out for you EGD? (asking generally - don't need details lol)