Mimicking (absorbing other's personality)?

Interesting take on that, Katana.

I hear you saying that you have strong opinions and feelings, just don't always express them.


Do you think it is an insecurity that you have? Feeling that perhaps if you have a strong opinion you may be judged for that and disliked in some way? i can see where you might feel that way.

Interesting topic.

A few thoughts on what may be behind it -

i had read a book not so long ago on psychopaths. Interesting that the author of the book noted that psychopaths often listen quite well if they want something, and will use the trick of mirroring by bringing something up they had heard (often weeks or months later). In this case it's being used as a blatant manipulation technique. To their marks it may seem they've met someone who is like themselves and so can be trusted.

I also read a a different book in which the author explained she personally uses mirroring as part of her flirting techniques. She does it because it tends to work, most people react positively. Sadly the book is also about getting your game on.

Putting aside those who mirror consciously, I suppose we all do so to some degrees unconsciously. It can be a form of flattery, and we tend to react positively to those who seem to be like us.

My gut feeling is that like so much else, mirroring in and of itself isn't necessarily a problem, but when it's taken to an extreme that's a red-flag that something is not right. Even when it's not being done maliciously or to consciously manipulate, my internal alarm bells would go off too if someone was mirroring me often.

Not sure how you deal with it though short of what masquerade suggested and that's deal with it in the open. Odds are it won't be received well, but it likely won't just stop.

Also a sign of HPD.

An HPD ex of mine used to do this constantly. For instance i'd give an opinion about, say, a movie, and weeks later she would just bring the subject up and say EXACTLY what i said like she thought of it herself and it was her own opinion.

At first i just thought, awkward/weird, but perhaps she forgot i mentioned it (and i have a good memory myself).

Recently though after 2 months of not seeing her i met with her again and, she brought of some fysical issues and this was again exactly what i said to HER months before. Word for word. This really freaked me out because, first, i couldn't believe she didn't remember me mentioning it (as it was very specific)/ And regardless if it was unconscious it was obviously manipulative.

Bringing the mirroring up would be pointless is decided but i did mention some HPD traits and adressing (basically) her insecurity. Not a good idea as she really became very unstable (mentally). Not being coherent, not able to keep on the subject that kinda stuff. And as the night progressed she started to deliberately devalue me.

Lucky for me, i had my guard up and basically didn't care that much (and was conscious what was going on after researching HPD), but i can understand that such behavior can hit you hard if you care for someone.

BPDs do it too. ALL the time. There was a woman who I became brief friends with as we shared an ex. She was horrible. Tried to get a car like mine, dress like me, went to the European country that my family is from, the state where I was born, the state where I went to college.


She was very, very annoying. She wanted to go places that he and I went for dates. She would try to trigger me into feeling upset.

It didn't work.I am not the jealous type. especially of her. She was sad and -pathetic. Very passive aggressive.


I no longer talk to her and defriended her on FB. She had very pathological behavior. Kind of like the movie "Single White Female."

I define myself as a mimic.

I'm not afraid to admit my behaviour and I have learned to stop when I sense the other person no longer wishes to respond to my 'cues'.

This has been automatic and for a long time I was unaware of it until someone quite sensitive and abrupt pulled me up on it and gave me a telling to.

It is very handy for learning new things from another person in a one-to-one environment. Very fast learning. I have been told I am the best student from one employer.

I develop greater and greater stability as I am honest with myself and I allow time to heal.

I understand it may have something to do with childhood trauma, in that a split caused in the mind at a young age and then a very impressionable part of the mind is always available (sometimes in a concealed form) to consciousness.

A simple breath meditation helps me to stop 'draining' when I feel another person is affected by my behaviour which I cannot always control directly, this is: in 1234, hold 1234, out 1234, hold 1234 - repeat.

Monty

As a psychopath, this has been my method of survival because I don't see at the world the same way others do. I find people who are where I want to be in life, and copy their behaviors. Its how I learn to say the correct things and avoid the incorrect things.

The bottom line is, if you're recognizing this behavior in others, there is no need to seek out an explanation. Its a red flag on any level. Get away from them immediately.

HereNow wrote:The bottom line is, if you're recognizing this behavior in others, there is no need to seek out an explanation. Its a red flag on any level. Get away from them immediately.

I disagree. You'll notice that people in relationships start to mimic each other by taking on their laugh and stuff like that. People who have insecurities and/or are impressed by somebody might try to copy them out of admiration and a desire to be like the person they are imitating.

I don't think it's always a red flag. It's a compliment.

True, but isn't that more of a subconscious adaptation, vs a purposeful action?

Sure. I'm not sure which the OP's males are doing or how you'd tell the difference though.