Currently deployed and need help

I am currently deployed, and have been gone for 2 and a half months. I have been writing letters, sending gifts from my travels, flowers to her once a month, and emailing her every day, and she said to me the other day that i was smothering her, and pretty much just annoying her. The reason why she hasnt sent me any letters back was because it was like i was still there since we email each other so often. This shocked me because i miss her terribly, how could she feel like i was still there? And is it really possible that i am emailing her too much? I thought i was just being a good BF by contacting her, and doing all these nice things for her.

Welcome sparks3211,

I don't think it's a case of being a good or bad boyfriend. It is lovely that you are so attentive and that your miss her so much. But too much affection and attention can be overwhelming for some people.

Remember too that whilst you are currently deployed and probably away from your normal home environment and routine, she isn't. So she possibly won't be as lonely as you are - she may be busy with all the other regular things in her life.

If I was your girlfriend, I wouldn't write you letters either. I would assume that daily emails would be more than enough. She may feel that you are overdoing it because she then feels she has to reciprocate, and she may not have the time to write to you as often as you do. Or, perhaps like me, she has difficulty finding the words to express herself so writing can be a chore. Perhaps you are much better at articulating your feelings than she is?

She may also feel badly for you and frustrated if you are writing that you are lonely and she feels that there’s little she can do to alleviate the problem. Have you told her why you like to hear from her? Or what kinds of things you like her to write about? No everyone will get the same pleasure from receiving a letter. She may not understand why you like it so much.

You could ask her how often she would like to hear from you, and make sure she knows that she doesn't have to reply every time - that you simply enjoy writing to her. Another thing you could do is write some of your letters into a book, like a journal instead. You could then give it to her when you return. I think she'd treasure it and enjoy reading your letters. It's probably the frequency that is bothering or overwhelming her.

Sparks, as a former soldier I understand your predicament and I know how it feels to be away from loved ones in a hostile environment, we tend to hold onto those good times and the feelings very tightly and I must admit sometimes we are holding on a little too tight when we are away. I agree with Platypus in that you are just being attentive and she is very much right your girlfriends routine hasn't really altered that much so she's not really missing you as much as you do her.

You're out of your comfort zone and trying desperately to get into that, which of course generally means you end up missing your loved ones more often that you would realise and we do sometimes go overboard with a lot of the stuff, and as Platypus said you may find expressing yourself easy whereas for your girlfriend it may actually be difficult especially as often and as regular as you're expressing yourself.

The journal idea is a good one, instead of writing to her... write for her and maybe she will be more appreciative of the odd email now and then and she won't feel so overwhelmed by things. I know that it's tough and when your face down in the dirt and covered from head to toe in dust you can find yourself wishing that you were in her comforting arms, that is completely normal and something we all go through. I'm sure that both of you will work it out and things will find a good balance for you both.