PLEASE Help Me.

I forgot to mention that he did not say anything about last night's incident, and I have no idea whether the cops even showed up or what happened. He is pretending it never happened.

You did the right thing. I'd like to know what the therapist has to say about it. I also hope for his sake that he gets the help he needs, in one way or another. Good luck.

My therapist also said I did the right thing, and that I'm lucky I'm here with my family and not up there alone or in close proximity to him. I hadn't decided to get a restraining order or harassment order yet when I went to see her, nor did I know what ended up happening last night- i still don't, but I know he's alive. We didn't spend a significant amount of time talking about this incident. The main thing was that I did what I could do, but that I'm still trying to remove myself from the situation. I told her I'm still curious as to what happened and what the police did or said, I'd like to find out, but if I can't then I'm just going to let it go. She asked if I had or would ever consider talking to his parents, and I said I had, as had my parents, and they don't seem to want to acknowledge the severity of his behavior and state of mind. I think they are too embarassed. Part of me hoped he would have been locked up last night, not to see him suffer, but so someone besides me would see how ill he is.

It sounds like this harassment order is fairly simple to get, but won't really serve much purpose if he violates it as it's only civil and it can't really be enforced. If i thought it was really necessary, I could try to get a restraining order, but it's a long and complicated process that I'm sort of dreading for a lot of reasons, and since I'm already out of state and highly highly doubt he'll come hunt me down down here, I'm sort of inclined just to get this civil action taken. He is really paranoid of police, so, I think really anything like that may keep him away. Then again, I never really know with him.

adj54 wrote:This is the hard part , you can only help yourself. Your self esteem is linked to him because he wants it that way, The reasons you go back to him are many...but look in your heart and see if he has convinced you you are unworthy of being treated better....are things your fault? do you make him act like that? That is not true, he may of said things like that but they are false statements.
I find it interesting that your family is dangerous to you. Did your upbringing include some verbal abuse?
Mine did and I believed they knew the true me. I chose bad men because they semed to be able to turn off emotions,regardless, they used me to be emotional with, Degrading yes, did I go back yes. Then I went therepy and stayed away from him, my friend who took me in.
It was hard but my girlfriend understood that I wasn't stupid or pathetic just brain washed. I have found someone and it was hard to be loved coreectly and with dignity But I did it
You can to

Sorry I'm just now getting around to responding to your comment, adj54. I'm glad to hear that you have found a healthy and loving relationship. That is inspiring to know. I hope someday I will have the same. It means so much to have someone there who will not judge you during these times- in your case your girlfriend. I have one friend as well as my sister who both have never made me feel stupid, even though I felt it myself, they assured me not to feel that way and always simply listened and helped me pump up the courage to leave if and when i was ready to do that. I really never could have ever left if it hadn't been for them.

As far as my upbringing, I did witness my parent's abuse, both mentally, physically, and emotionally. Consequently, I was neglected in many ways. Luckily, they divorced and the abuse stopped after some time, my mom remarried many years ago and for the most part is in a healthy, stable, and loving marriage. These are things I'm working through in therapy.