Just Got Married and My Husband Was Diagnosed With Bipolar

I guess I joined the forum to see if anyone has any advice or help they would like to share with me. I got married in October and things were great, my Husband starting acting very different and I knew that something was not right with him. He has gone into highs and lows before with his moods but this was more extreme. I suggested he go and speak to a therapist he kept making excuses about not wanting to go but finally did and when he did he was diagnosed with being bipolar. Things with us have gotten really bad and I feel so alone. He started his medication but he does not take it the way he should and also has started drinking at night so I know the medication wont work properly but he still insists on drinking. I don't know what to do anymore. I know this is going to be a never ending battle and I just wonder if I have the strength to deal with this for the rest of my life. I wont give up on him but I found myself asking this question today...Everyone says marriage is hard work but when does it go beyond the point to where it's too much work and you should walk away? I am Lutheran and take marriage very seriously, I just never thought I would have to deal with all of this from my spouse. Is anyone going through this themselves that can give me some advice? I would really appreciate it. Thanks

This thread may offer some insight: Why Sacrifice Your Life For A Bipolar Spouse?

Thank you for sending me that link, I really appreciate it.

Hi HC1616,

That must have been quite a shock to see your husband fall into these mood swings. I can understand why you are worried about the future of your marriage.

Is he still seeing his therapist? I imagine it could have been upsetting for him when he was diagnosed, especially if he didn't realise he had a mental illness. Have you asked him about his drinking?

There is also a Bipolar forum here. I suspect there will be some users there whose moods have stabilised and are happily married. It may take some time to get to that point, but I don't think you should consider it impossible. Especially at this early stage and if your husband is willing to get the help he needs.

Sending you strength and hope.

Thank you for responding...It was a shock he always thought he had ADHD and I had been seeing a therapist for family issues and then the topics in my therapy started being him, I would tell her how he was acting and the way his moods were and she told me it sounds like he has more than ADHD if he even has it at all. So I pushed him to go to therapy and we fought about it for awhile and then he finally did it, once he did he took a test and talked to his therapist and then they said he was bipolar, I think he was embarrassed at first but then he started telling me little by little what they talked about. He also has an addictive personality and it used to be working out then he got into a hobby of buying coins which I thought was a healthy habit well $4,ooo.oo later on our credit card I was at my wits end with him. Then all of a sudden he started drinking every night in the past month and a half he was hiding bottles in his car and in our garage and I know there is probably so much more I don't even know about. They want him to continue with his therapy and also go to an out patient treatment center. He is supposed to start doing that tomorrow. He told me that he can stop drinking without going to treatment and I want to believe him but I just am worried he wont or the addiction will turn into something else and then here we go again in this cycle. I do love him so much and the last thing I want to do is not be with him, but I feel like he does have the best intentions its just not easy to always so the right thing. Right now he is back to taking his meds and is ready for a "fresh start" I just dont know how I can be supportive in the right way that isnt nagging to him and that isnt negative. I feel like I try to be positive but then when he keeps not helping himself it turns into yelling matches and I know thats not the best way to support him because I know he cant help that he is bipolar.

Hey that's really good news that he is back to taking his meds and is ready for a fresh start.

I think the fact that you love your husband and want to do the right thing means that you will be a great support to him. I encourage you to look at the Bipolar forum and reach-out to some of the users there. I think they could give you some insight into how best to deal with your husband's behaviours.

Regarding the drinking, perhaps you could tell him that you do believe he could stop this habit all on his own, but that he doesn't have to make it so hard for himself. Let him know that it's okay to get help from others. Getting help doesn't make us weak. You could even ask him if there are any ways you could help him to break the habit. Just encouraging him to talk about his feelings may help. Sometimes people try to drown the pain they can't express with alcohol.

You may also like to consider going to see a therapist/counsellor yourself; particularly to help you in this early stage of realising your husband has bipolar disorder. A professional may be able to help you talk through some of your concerns and give you reassurance for those moments when you don't how to support your husband.

Thank you