If there is a POTENTIAL of someone making you happier...

Juliettez, how far away is the other city and is their a possibility of you moving there?

After all it seems you expected him to give up things for you, are you willing to do the same for him?

It's about a 4 hour drive west of where I am now. I am self employed and run a family entertainment centre, have for 7 years. I also have a house that I own in town here as well.
Believe me I HAVE considered moving there, I would be giving up A LOT to do so though.

I can understand your predicament better now, sure he probably could have found something there in a couple months but if he is a strong willed confident guy then he would feel bad living off what he would most likely deem to be charity for that time. I guess he would be comfortable in his job and not learning a new role ... to be honest I don't know why he would have jumped at that role when he may have found something closer to you etc.

If I was in his situation I would have rathered stay put and looked for jobs in a closer area, even and hour away isn't too bad...

There is more to his changing of jobs then just to "get away from you" like sweetcheeks is making it sound like.

OK, maybe he didn't leave just to get away, but I still hold that if he really loved her he'd be thinking twice before going. In any event, why isn't he looking for something closer while he is away? He may have taken the job, but if he loved juliettez, then maybe he'd be looking for something closer while he is still in the current job. There may be more to it, I'm sure, but at the end of the day, no matter what, you wouldn't be saying to the person you loved, "sure, go out with someone else if you want to." I know if it were me in the relationship I wanted and in the same shoes as juliettez's boyfriend, I wouldn't DARE say any such thing. In fact, I'd be microchipping him (joke joice )

Relationships take work, they don't run on the smell of an oily emotion: they need at least a litre. Lol.

I'm still a little lost on what I'm doing with this "relationship", but I did want to say thank you for your replies - this forum is an amazing way to gain insight into several different situations, and I appreciate it more than I can say.

again, thank you!

I do hope things are working out for you Juliettez, I know that sometimes things happen that make our lives less fun. During a relationship these major changes can cause you to become a stronger couple or tear you apart. The end result really is only determined by the both of you, and if one is willing to fight for the relationship while the other isn't so prepared then it more than likely will fail.

... also due to my low self-esteem in myself caused by hurt from an early age...

BINGO !!

It's the hub of all emotional destruction. Like Stephen Covey says, who wrote 7 habits of highly successful people, you have 3 choices in life:

1. stay appendaged to your childhood & self made damages (nurture debate)
2. be a piece of human furniture and talk yourself into believing you were born this way (nature debate)

or

3. make a choice to be neither.

He goes for the third choice.

As he says, you have the power to reinvent yourself and the 'space' that we occupy on this planet is our responsibility. In other words, we can shorten our space by continue blaming/reasoning or we can widen our space by taking responsibility for our destination. He says it's all about the stimulus / response debate. We all have the power to change our stimulus if we take responsibility for ourselves. Unless you're born with less 'wires and physically damaged cells', then you have a choice: plain and simple. To argue we don't have a choice is a choice in itself; it's a really poor choice.

So yes, you can blame his parents for having worked elsewhere during his lifetime, thus being his parents' shadow, or you can accept the reality that he has a choice to be with you and has chosen not to, and it is a choice he has made. He isn't a victim, because being a victim is a choice in itself. He is clearly intelligent enough to change this; he has simply made the choice to be like his parents. This means, he values his parental messages more than you julittez. That means, let him go, he is not a soul mate. He is just a gap filler. Sorry, but that's my opinion.

Hey sweetcheeks,
I haven't always agreed with what you've written in this thread, because I want to defend against the idea that romantic love has to be expressed by physical closeness. For some people, emotional intimacy and closeness are frightening and challenging goals.
But I really like your post, and I agree that we all have to take responsibilities for our lives and the choices we make.

For some people, emotional intimacy and closeness are frightening and challenging goals.

Yes, very VERY true platypus.

Isn't it sad that being loved equals the same terror as being hung.
AND of course, those who do fear love are the ones who end up hanging themselves.

It's a choice though...always a choice.

I want to defend against the idea that romantic love has to be expressed by physical closeness.

So you disagree that romantic love should be expressed by physical closeness?

For me, successful physical closeness is the manifestation of love. I don't know too many women who can get off purely on the physical if she doesn't feel something. To do so is a total disconnect from your own emotions. I would think that most women are pretty in tune with their emotions. It's the guys (many but not all) that are divorced from feeling. That's why so many can get off with someone they feel nothing for. I couldn't do that in a pink fit. Good luck to those that can.