Trouble Moving On...

My girlfriend of ten months and I split up about three months ago. She was my first girlfriend in high school, first real relationship I've had with a girl and first for a lot of other things (not sex however). The first few weeks were rough. But I really felt a lot better in the coming weeks. Then it seemed like I started to see her everywhere and everytime I did it opened up those feelings again. Im in no delusion that we are getting back together, I wouldnt want to anyway, however the feelings are still fresh and I feel like if I happened to see her with another guy it might just kill me...

We talked for the first time since the breakup about two months after or so. Lately we talk every couple weeks. I thought it would make it worse but talking to her actually makes me feel better. I think I might be missing that void in my life still, having a girl as a close friend. We decided we are going to try and stay friends as long as it doesnt intrude with our own moving on. I always feel like im "losing" the breakup. I feel like everyday Im always watching my back to make sure she isnt there, and this is really what bothers mee... I cant live my life avoiding someone, especially someone who meant so much to me in my life, I would like to keep that connection strong,. We are better as friends for sure.I just want the feelings to be gone. I'll be leaving this town (and so will she most likely) as we both depart for university in the fall, so hopefully a brand new environment and meeting totally new people will help me get her out of my head, since many of my friends are also friends with her, its been so hard to escape it. Some days i feel strong others I feel very weak, especially on Sundays and the weekends strangely.

Does anyone have any advice? can use anything at this point.

Hi Lou,

I think breakups are always hard. Even if you're not upset about the split, there's still the adjustment of going from a partnered lifestyle to a single one. If you're used to having your partner around a lot, you may suddenly feel very alone. The thing that I tend to notice the most is the absence of physical affection - suddenly there's nobody touching me anymore.

I think it is good if you can be friends, even if it's only for a while. I think cutting all contact suddenly can be stressful and tends to make it more difficult to put the failed relationship in perspective. Give yourself time to ease into your new roles as friends.

If you are feeling lonely, go out and mix with other people. Keep yourself busy doing things you enjoy. You could even ask some friends if they could involve you in their activities for the next few weekends. Remember that you're allowed to feel weak; you can't be strong everyday.