Is he lying?

I have a boyfriend who's girlfriend died in a car accident, and he was pregnant with hs daughter, and they were going to call her Stephanie. I moved, and we were together, and we have a long distance relationship. In the beginning, it was great. I could tell him anything and vice versa. But lately...so many bad things have been going on at home, and I don't tell him anything. Same with him. We don't talk at all. And its been weeks. I go for days not thinking about him, until I go on fb to find he wrote something on someone else's wall. SO, then I tried to end things, stop speaking to him officially, since we don't anyways. And then he threatens he'll kill himself. So then I spoke with him, saying okay I'll still talk to him, but what am I supposed to say? I just don't care to talk to him anymore, but I've known and been with him so long, that i feel obligated to tell him I love him, when i don't anymore, and I am certain it goes both ways, but he's been denying it. And I've found things from other people, that are true, that he hasn't been telling me also. what's the point of saying I love you to a guy who doesn't love you too? But I don't want him hurting himself. so...what?

The first thing that pops into my mind is this: did he love the pregnant girlfriend?

If he did, has he had counselling to deal with her loss? I would assume that loosing a partner you love and baby would be a massive devastation. You need to provide more detail, but my guess is that he is carrying a lot of pain that he hasn't dealt with. He may well be angry with her for dying. The human mind can be quite complicated and acts in strange ways, thus (often) contrary to logic.

I'd be wheeling him off to a counsellor if I were you.

after she died, he didn't want to see a counselor. He just wanted to die. I helped him get out of that mindset by making him talk about it, what he loved about her, how much he missed her, but how many people he's going to hurt in the exact way with his death, but there are times I still wonder if he's still worrying over this all the time, which he probably is.

After I moved, two years later, he did also, so I can't make our friends in our old town go to a counselor, and I'm pretty sure if I told him to, he'd lie about going. so I don't know how to help him. He says he depends on me, but I know he doesn't, so what's the use of talking to him? But when I say this he says he'll commit suicide if I don't talk to him, which we weren't even doing in the first place. So then I have to pretend to say I love you and everything to him, and I'm sure he has to do the same. He just doesn't want to admit it. I can't help him. I don't know how to. So, instead of making me frustratingly angry at myself and him, I just wanted to cut all ties. he won't let me.

By not seeing a counsellor, who has techniques and knows the right questions to ask for healing, means he hasn't dealt with the pain in the right way. If you say you know he doesn't love you, then it's obvious you're a clutch for him. Sounds like you're his pseudo counsellor and that he is crying out for help. Perhaps in his mind, he feels that going to a paid professional means he has a problem. He sounds like he is trying to deal with anger, loneliness, betrayal all at once, and as a result, he is displaying pathological behaviour. I have a close friend whose husband died of cancer 2 years ago. Her daughters and her haven't had any counselling, and it shows. My friend drinks and takes anti depressants every day, and one of her daughters, who is studying law, has been in trouble with the police of late. The daughter is starting to display really abnormal behaviours, which will only harm her more in the long run.

You know, if your car doesn't work, you take it to a mechanic: if you don't, it wont work. You wouldn't leave the car in the garage and hope it'll fix itself so you can drive. You HAVE to take it to a mechanic. The same with our mental and emotional states. We are far more complicated than any mechanical car, yet so many leave untreated "ills" to nature. It's ridiculous. There is nothing wrong with going to get some strategies to help heal the pain of a death, or whatever the problem is. Knowing how to deal with emotional pain properly, is the intelligent thing to do. Maybe you could give him the analogy about the car and see what he says.

You can't be his counsellor, and he is being really stupid in expecting you to be. Mind you, he probably isn't consciously aware of it.
If you don't want to be with him, then you have to make that clear: not doing so is unfair on you and him. He clearly isn't over the girlfriend, and he may well never fully recover from it. However, bringing others down with him isn't the way to go.

Okay. I sent him the analogy and told him mostly what you said:
You know, if your car doesn't work, you take it to a mechanic: if you don't, it wont work. You wouldn't leave the car in the garage and hope it'll fix itself so you can drive. You HAVE to take it to a mechanic. The same with our mental and emotional states. We are far more complicated than any mechanical car, yet so many leave untreated "ills" to nature. There is nothing wrong with going to get some strategies to help heal the pain of a death, or whatever the problem is. Knowing how to deal with emotional pain properly, is the intelligent thing to do. So go to some counselor, and talk to them about your problems, things that bother you in life. Stop coming to me. Because I'm pretty sure I'm not helping.

He hasn't answered, and I have a feeling he won't for a VERY long time ^_^U but i think I did the right thing, whether he does or not. So thank you.

Aklira, you did your best and proved that you cared about him. He sounds like he's got deep issues and hopefully he seeks help. You cannot put any of this on your shoulders either, he's already done enough of that by manipulating your feelings thru his state of mind.

Sometimes we miss things and him seeing a professional is really the best outcome for not just him but both of you.