Illusions

I am really sick of battling out of bad relationships that gave a promise or a illusion that was untrue.
I feel as if 80% of life is #######4 and lies, while the rest is only surviving.

I survive by eating, occasionally sleeping, the rest are just bad memories.
I wish i had something in my life that made me believe and trust, but everytime i open the door for other people i get $#%^ tossed in my face.

I am sick of my family not being there for me the way they should have been, which ultimately has brought me out in a whirlpool for finding justice.
I am so sick of fake people who said i could trust them and then go stick a knife in my back.
I am sick of therapists who arrogantly say that this is my own fault and then sit saturday night crying their eyes out at a friends house because their spouse had left them.
I am sick of people who refuse to see what is looking them straight in the eyes because they are too afraid to face my problems, even if that is what they are there for.
I am sick of arrogant people who want me to understand them and then don`t offer the same back again.

Reading threads in here make me realize that i am not the only one who is being cold heartedly abandoned and left to wonder on my own.
The people who are better off will have the courage to leave you because they still have other things in their life that they can lean towards.
Sometimes people misunderstand or believe an illusion. It was like that for many years with me being a part of a family that i didn`t really belong to or felt gave me what i needed.
All the while they gave the people around me the illusion that every thing was fine and that they were giving me all the support that i needed.
This had so many friends and people in my life fooled, so they would get up and leave me because they thought that i was doing better than they were doing. I know that i was taking a part of letting the illusion go on because after all they were my family and it was hard and difficult to leave them.
But still not as hard as losing my real friends.
My family made me chose between my real friends and them when they understood that i was drifting away from them.
My stepfather and mother would claim for my attention as i was growing older, because i had been a big part in their children's life, so they looked at me as a possible important asset for their children since i had backed them up my whole life growing up.
So they made a lot of fuss for me when i decided to go.

I just love your pic