New here, need someone to talk to

I've been married for 25 yrs and he really is a great guy but right now we have a major problem and I have nobody to discuss it with, due to the nature of it, so I searched out a forum where I can be basically anonymous.

We have not had sex since about early Feb. of this year. This causes me great distress as I am willing. He has a small medical issue that is going to be resolved shortly, and when it flares up it does cause him discomfort in that general area. He admits he does not have pain/discomfort 24/7 yet he uses it as an excuse to not have sex. When I would suggest it, he'd say, yes tonite, but then it never happens. Or he stays up really late, and I think he's hoping I will be asleep when he goes to bed. He really doesnt say much about this topic, and I am not sure what the real issue is.

I've tried talking to him, I've been nice about it, I've been questioning but kind, and I've gotten mad, I admit it. I feel like he lies to me, letting me think that tonite will be the nite, and then it never is. I am angry and frustrated. I dont know what to do.

I dont believe there's anyone else for a minute, he goes to work, he comes home, he's home at nite. I fear he's just lost interest in me and I cant seem to change that. Any comments questions or advice is appreciated.

Hey,

There are a few possibilities as to what he's feeling, and Ill try to shed some light on them. For starters, it's possible that whatever problem he has is having a physiological effect on him such that he has actually lost his libido (sexual hunger/desire). I'd have to know what the problem is though. Another possibility is that he now feels inadequate, and such a feeling for a man can certainly lead to depression, if even mild depression. Depression, in turn, can indirectly lead to a low libido in its own right.

Is the problem definately going to be resolved soon? If it's a definite, then perhaps wait until then to see what happens thereafter.

Kevin

The problem is expected to be resolved when he has minor surgery for his other problem in the same general area. Of course time will tell.

You may be right that he's depressed about this, tho he exhibits no symptoms of depression. If he's feeling bad about how I feel about this, he's hiding it well.

Thanks for your reply!

...that's men for you! They'll just never admit to being depressed and would rather sit in utter silence than even give a hint that they're feeling sad. I say this despite being male myself, but I've been through therapy and numerous doctors, so I've learned a thing or two about how to cope...

Hope all goes well
Kevin

Thanks Kevin, you may well be right about what's going on here.